Sunday, November 4, 2007

How much bipolar can be a joke?

I just wanted to make a brief statement about something that happened earlier. DH and Jim and Jason had finished hunting, and DH's friends were sitting in the living room. DH had retreated to his (our) room for a while, then he came out to the living room. I was there too.

He gives me a hug and says this: "Sweetie, you can tell Jim now that we won't be his friends until he comes up with more money. So when he gets paid again, we'll be his friends."

I said "speak for yourself". I didn't even want to joke about it, because it was too close to what I perceive as DH's truth--he is still desperately seeking ways to spend money, whether it's his or not.

Then he said, "and Jason doesn't get paid until Friday, so he'll have to wait until then, too."

Jim and Jason just kind of laughed it off uncomfortably. I got kind of scared, though, because it was one of those things, you know, where people joke about something, then say "just kidding" but you know there's some truth in what they said??? I know his friends aren't idiots, they've GOT TO feel taken advantage of. They've both spent huge amounts "helping" DH out. And he always "needs" more.

So then I said, "Well its a good thing you don't have a clue when I get paid, then". And his friends started giving him crap about that, how his own wife won't tell him when she gets paid, but I honestly said it to point out to them that DH right now will just take advantage of anyone, and I am not excluded from that group, and I am trying hard not to be a part of the "taking advantage" thing. The chicken/duck house, that Jim is building, I never asked for that, and every time he asked me for specifics, like "how big do you want this or that", I keep telling him he doesn't have to do anything at all, because it's not his responsibility.

I told Jim that I wouldn't care if he just showed up and slept on the couch for a month, he's a good friend and I have no expectations. I'm rather honored that he wants to spend his "time off" at our place. I sure wouldn't! I didn't tell him that, I never say anything snide about DH behind his back, although sometimes I really really want to...sometimes I just want everyone to know that I'm not enjoying this, that although I'm still in the marriage and although I still love DH, I don't approve of things any more than the next person. Sometimes I just want to gripe. LOL, I guess that's why I started this blog!!!

Did I tell you that Jim spent ALL of the money he had saved??? And he spent most of it on DH and some of it on the chicken house. DH's shoes, boots, cigarettes, snacks, pop, gas, all sorts of stuff I can't afford to do in the way DH
"needs". (DH 'needs' to drink at least a 12 pack of Coke a day. Generic won't do. And he needs at least a pack of Marlboro Lights every day. Generic won't do. Too bad for him, if I have to support these "needs", he'll deal with generic. I just wondered in passing about what he'd do if I didn't buy him any pop or cigs. (because that's enabling him) Probably steal something else from me. Sigh.)

Anyhow, so basically, DH (and I, apparently, by way of the chicken house that I didn't ask for but am excited about), have bled Jim dry. Jim does have a substantial tax refund coming, at least $10,000. But he has been told that it won't arrive for 10-12 weeks. In the meantime, Jim has no money for rent anyplace else, or anything like that. So now Jim has to get a job and stay with us for another THREE MONTHS. (that's a whole 'nother post, of course--I told you that I abhor having company, right?) The prospect of having company for THREE MORE MONTHS is daunting. But Jim has done so much for me and DH that there is no way I can do anything but welcome him with open arms....at the very least, I know with Jim around, SOMEONE will do the manly stuff.

Anyhow, the point of this post was that I'm scared that DH's joking is too close to the truth, and he will end up losing both Jim and Jason for spending all the money they have and making light of it. And they are both good friends. And good friends are hard to find and more painful to lose.

I wish there was some way I could explain to DH that humility is better. And if Jason goes to the store, it would be better to just say "I'll make do with what we have at home" than to throw things in the cart, same with Jim. And then if they still want to buy him something, well, so be it, but I know that most of the time that isn't the case. But it's the bipolar, I guess, as DH used to know these things and now he seems to have forgotten them for the most part.