Friday, July 31, 2009

Bad day

Well, DH was in the credit union to get a lien release for an old car that we've been meaning to send to the junk yard, when the branch manager called him into her office. According to DH, she asked him "When are you going to be making the payment for the 4-wheeler?" (like he would know). "You have a history of frequently being late." And proceeded to be very demeaning and sarcastic with him.

As an aside, the 4-wheeler payment IS late, 2 weeks late.....and anyone who checked the payment history would see that it always gets paid, and that if they dug even further, into my credit report, they'd see that despite the dire financial straits that I find myself, I have NEVER made a payment on any loan or credit card that was 30 days late. Ever.

It made me so upset when he told me about that. I am doing the absolute best I can, and I think it's pretty darn good, considering what I have to work with...but part of me knows that "pretty darn good" is still not all that good, when you look at how responsible I was before this all happened. I know the circumstances were beyond my control, but I feel like my integrity has been questioned, and I don't like that feeling.

And then, I went to DD's therapy appointment, and I was upset, so the therapist talked to me alone and asked me what was wrong....so I told her....and she said, "Are you in foreclosure, losing your house?" "Is your electricity getting turned off?" (The answer to those are a resounding "NO"--those are the two bills that get paid on time every month--before anything else....) and reminded me that people are going through money problems all over the place right now. And then I started crying because DH's pills need to be picked up, but I didn't have the money for them....so she went and asked the pdoc's nurse if they had samples....I got the impression that the PDOC nurse wasn't all that impressed either. Made me feel more bad.

And THEN....I got a reminder about our dentist appointments in the mail. August 17. There's not much I can stress out about with that, right? Except that DH had dental work done in the beginning of the year, and after insurance we still owed $364.00....and it still isn't paid....days like today, I just want to quit everything. It's too hard. I've been fantasizing about just quitting everything and starting over....but that's not who I am (yet, anyhow)....

I have to remember that all I have to do is make it until February--the tax refund should allow me to pay off that damn truck. Then, I not only won't have the $274 truck payment any more, but I won't have to pay for full coverage on it, either. Right now, though, January seems like it's a long ways away.

Sunday, July 26, 2009


Me: Hi Mom, how has your day been?

Mom: Oh! It's so good to see you!!!!

Me: Did you have a good lunch?

Mom: Yes, but I have to ask you something.

Me: Ok, what's going on?

Mom: Well I didn't know it but they have church here very Sunday.

Me: Oh, yeah, down in the nursing home! We went there a couple of times, remember?


Me: (realizing that it was the worship services on the radio) Oh, you mean on the radio!

Mom: No, they came here and preached at me all day.

Me: So the church people came to talk to you?

Mom: No, the whole church was here, even the choir. I've been preached at a lot in my life, but all day is just too much. Can you tell them that I don't like all the preaching?

Me: Well, I'll make sure I'm here next week when they come, and I'll talk to them and see if we can get it straightened out.

Me: (to myself): I'm going to have to change the radio station on Saturday nights.

I've been missing you!

Hi everyone, I'm very sorry I haven't been blogging much recently....it seems like I'm always in such a hurry with working, taking care of my mom, and DH and DD too....someone at work asked me tonite why I'm always in such a rush :-) I don't know them well, though, so I couldn't just try to explain....I just made an excuse and went on....but it made me think....

By February, DH's truck will be paid off. That will put us back into "wiggle room" range again. But until then, things are scary, as usual. DH went in for some out-of-the-ordinary blood work that his doctor ordered, and we didn't know, but the tests were sent to a city hospital for analysis, so now we have a bill for our $300 deductible, even though nobody was in the hospital--doesn't that just suck????? I feel so powerless when I'm up against those insurance companies. If we had known that the tests were going to cost us that much, well, they were just basically to satisfy the Dr.'s curiosity, not because they were absolutely necessary.... I don't know how we're going to pay that....maybe I'll ask for some extra hours at work or something.....sigh

My friend Anita's mom died on Tuesday night. I knew as soon as I pulled into the parking lot at work and didn't see Anita's car. Kind of strange, but the visitation is tomorrow and the funeral is on Monday. I hate funerals, but this is one tht I really have to go to. Anita seems to be holding up ok, but I know she was close to her mom, and that she did a lot of things to help her mom in recent years, too. And I remember when Anita's husband died, how she wouldn't let anyone know how brokenhearted she was, but how she reminded me, when things were hard with DH, that not having a husband is very lonely and sad....

My mom is remembering her old routine at the assisted living place. We are leaving her alone for a couple of hours a day now, and she seems comfortable. This evening we brought her to Hardees for a burger and fries, where she said, "Nothing compares to this!" (I keep thinking back to not very long ago, where the only words she was speaking were my name, and my heart smiles)...then we went to a parade in town. I wish I would've taken some pictures, but I'm really bad about that. Suffice it to say, we enjoyed the parade. I think my mom would've been happy just watching all the little kids, and forget about the parade....but however, she did seem to enjoy herself.

DH continues to be stable for the most part. He's really been a big help with my mom, staying over there on nights when I have to work, etc., and today he changed the oil in my car, too. I still find myself needing to "lower my expectations" now and then, though, because lately things seem to break at our house faster than he can muster up the gumption to fix them....but I never thought I'd see the day when he changed my oil again....I can do it myself, but I hate putting the car on those ramps, I'm always afraid I'm going to drive over the edge...so I let him do that....anyhow, I think changing my oil made him feel good about himself, too. He's doing so good the pdoc doesn't need to see him back until October!

We are still drowning in pee at our house, between Sarah and Kirby, we really go through the "puppy pads"...and towels and floor cleaner....but today Kirby was begging for me to accidentally drop my supper and I was still so happy to know that he was still with us....despite the pee. That'll be over sooner rather than later, and I'll miss my dog(s) so much, I'd just rather deal with the pee right now. There doesn't seem to be much else to do....we have been trying to put Sarah out for most of the day, but we tried putting her out at night and she barked and barked....and I was afraid that our neighbors sleeping with windows open, would get grumpy, so I brought her back in....I guess if we commit to having her be outside, at least for the summer, I need to spend more time doing it, so that it's not such a sudden change for her....still undecided on the whole thing, as we really couldn't keep her outside in the winter, she's too old for that....I remember when the house used to be clean....

But really, things have been calming down again. I am hopeful that we can keep things this hopeful and positive until deer hunting season, at least (that's November!)....I'm feeling very grateful lately, and I wanted to tell all of you, if you prayed for my mom, or anyone else in my family, it appears your prayers were heard and answered...Thanks so much. I have definitely been blessed.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Mixed feelings about the day

My friend Anita's mom is dying. They brought her home from the hospital today, nothing more they can do. Things are just going wrong too fast, no way to fix them any more....hospice is starting tomorrow, Anita doesn't know how much time is left. I am heartbroken for her. She is being so stoic, just like she was when her husband died. We've been through this before, though. When her husband was dying, and I would say things to try to get her to talk about her feelings, she would say things like "I'm alright" and not want to talk any more. I asked her how she was doing, and she would say, "Oh, I'm fine." And I truly, at that time, thought that she was. But after watching her have such a struggle after Joe died, I know she's lying. So I told her that tonite, and I told her that if I was there, I'd give her a big hug. And I told her that I cared about her and I made her promise not to lie to me if she needed a shoulder to cry on. She promised, but I don't believe her, so I'll just keep trying to tell her that I care about her and I'm here for her. Coming right on the tails of all this stuff with my own mom, the pain is all that much more poignant.

DH is doing good. Luckily for us. One of our pipes in the basement got thoroughly clogged two nights ago. When DH tapped on the pipe, it fell apart (welcome to our house). So tonite he put in a new pipe, can you believe that?? (Luckily the pipe that had been clogged only affected the washing machine and the kitchen sink). So we could still take showers and use the bathroom and all that. So I decided that I was going to do a bazillion loads of laundry at the laundromat today. Not a cheap proposition, but the laundry has really been piling up and I just don't have time to do it one load at a time right now, so this was one of the few times where I opted to spend money to save time. I feel good about that, having all that laundry done. I'm a little less happy about the lightness of pocket I feel, but there's always a tradeoff, I guess....

And my mom. She's not nearly as excited about going back to her apartment as I thought she would be. And tonite she alarmed me by saying "I'm getting so old....maybe it'd be better if you just let me die...." And then, the nurse's aide, the one our whole family likes the best, came in to see my mom, and when she left, my mom said, "She's two-faced. She tells you one thing, and tells me another." And I kind of went, "she does?" "Like what?" And she said, "Well, today she told me that everything was going to be hunky dory, and now she didn't way anything like that to you at all." (When the aide had been in the room, she had told me how my mom is getting herself out of bed, using the bathroom by herself, and doing a lot of walking. I told the aide that we were excited that my mom would be going back to her apartment soon. I was relieved that that was all it was, but so many thoughts go through my head....I never know for sure how the aides are treating my mom. It was just a few days ago that she said she heard all the aides outside her door talking about how they didn't want to help her. What's true and what's not? If she was staying there indefinitely, I think I'd put a "nanny cam" in there just so I'd know the truth. But since she's already been there nearly a month, and she's purportedly going home on Monday, I guess I'll wait on that and see what happens.

Oh, and I think we've given up on killing any more foxes for now. I'm just being extra careful to make sure the chickens are in their house before dark....one of my mom's aides at the nursing home, a male aide, surprisingly, one day when I was visiting my mom at lunch and telling her about how the fox got all the ducks, asked, "how many ducks did you have?" and when I told him, he seemed very sympathetic. Then today, he stopped into my mom's room and told me that his brother raises fancy expensive ducks and every fall, the ones that don't measure up to his standards, are given away to non-slaughter homes. And that last year he gave 30 ducks to a lady that worked at the nursing home. And that the aide was going to tell his brother about me, and maybe in the fall we would get some ducks for free--that's really a cool thought! So on that note, I'm going to get back to work.

Friday, July 17, 2009

A post about someone else's mom....

You might remember my friend Anita, I stay at her house on Wednesday nights, so I don't have to drive back home just to sleep 6 hours and turn around and go back to work again...Her husband died about a year and a half ago...?

Anita and I have known each other for 20 years. We work in the same place (my full time job). For several years, Anita's mom, my mom, Anita and I all bowled on a bowling team together. I haven't seen Anita's mom for a few years now, but I see Anita every work day.

Well, her mom is just a couple of years older than my mom. She still lives at home, on one side of a duplex, and her son lives on the other side. Well, about 3 weeks ago, she was short of breath and her ankles were very swollen. The found fluid in her lungs, and treated her with Lasix, etc., and she came home on oxygen. She was upset because she couldn't use her gas stove while she was on the oxygen. About a week ago, they had told her that they were going to discontinue the oxygen because there was no more fluid in her lung, and she was very happy,

but...then when she went to the Dr. for a follow up visit, he thought that part of what was going on was that she had an extra heartbeat. So this past Saturday, they went in and "shocked" the heart to try to get it beating correctly. It helped, but didn't quite fix the problem, so the next day, they went in through the groin artery with a scope and found some more things wrong with her heart, and fixed those, too. Then she went to a rehab/nursing home place like my mom has before.

Then, two days ago, I guess her legs started swelling really bad again, so the nursing home sent her via ambulance to the hospital. They say her kidneys are shutting down, she isn't eating at all, and isn't talking much (and she's usually quite a talker). I can tell Anita is so scared, heck, I've been going through similar feelings recently....

The doctors and social workers have scheduled a "family meeting" for tomorrow. I have never heard of that being done. So that is scary, too.

I'm kind of feeling that Anita is going to lose her mom. It's like everything all of a sudden is going haywire. And I know that everyone has to go, but can't it wait a while?

Anyhow, I was thinking, that if you happen to be a praying type of person, maybe you could say an extra prayer for Mary Ann and Anita, too?

My mom--a Thank God update.

The last few days have brought very hopeful changes to my mom's status. She has started to be completely aware of what is going on, although she is still paranoid ("The people in the hall get together and talk about how they don't want to help me.", but she is now remembering what she had for supper, she's going to activities, and holding a conversation with me. Yayyy!!!!

But that's not all.

First: a case of really bad timing.
On Tuesday, when I brought DD to her psychiatrist, I mentioned that some of the tantrums and other behaviors we have been seeing might be due to the situation with my mom. I explained to the psychiatrist what was happening, and she handed me a brochure. Seems that the town 20 miles away recently acquired a geriatric psychiatrist, as well as a geriatric behavioral unit at their hospital--I called them as soon as I got home, as I was thinking that I could get Mom in to talk to the pdoc and we can really start figuring things out and trying to prevent this from happening in the future. It turns out, though, that the pdoc believes that in order to understand the complex subtleties of a person's dementia, he needs to have them observed (in the behavioral unit) for probably 10-14 days. Which is probably a really good thing. It sounds like they are extremely thorough and very attuned.
But for my mom, who has just started to recover from this past month, I don't think it's a good idea. I just can't think about putting her in another "new" environment right now. I sure wish that I had known about this place and this doctor a month ago, though, things might be a whole lot different right now. But all is not lost, because I will now be aware of that resource if I/we need to go that route again.

And now, the very best news of the week.....
They saw enough improvement in my mom to merit bringing her down to her apartment to see how she would be able to manage. She was able to do all the physical things--get up from a chair, lay down in bed, get out of bed, walk to the dining hall, etc. But she couldn't remember where anything was in her apartment. She couldn't recognize the kitchen when she was standing in it. But, based on earlier this year, I kind of expected this. I wasn't sure, though, what it meant.

But then today, we got the word. The nurses from the assisted living apartments did some kind of test on my mom to see if they could meet her needs in assisted living, and THEY COULD!!!!! MY MOM IS GOING BACK TO HER APARTMENT!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??????? Thanks everyone so much for your prayers, they must've helped!!!!

She'll be going back sometime next week, I believe. And I and DH will have to be there with her until she's acclimated again....but that's nothing compared to what I thought we were going to go through.....oh, breathe, Carol, breathe....miracle? Probably....

Sunday, July 12, 2009

DH is going to apply for a job!

Since DH has been getting out to try to get that fox, and trying to help out around the house more, he's been talking about how much he wants a job. I've heard that before, so I don't say much, but truly, the Depakote seems to be making him think more realistically, so it's not beyond the realm of possibility, for sure....

DH and I had to go to WalMart tonite. On the way in, I looked at the little "snack bar" that took the "food" space when McDonalds pulled out. I wondered how such an uninteresting place could stay in business, but figured it was probably just the captive WalMart audience helping it along....anyhow, there in the window, was a large "HELP WANTED" sign. DH was still outside smoking, so I stepped inside and asked "for an application for my husband". The manager there asked me what he was looking for and I said something part time and flexible. She seemed very interested, and told me that the other manager would be in tomorrow. She also told me that eventually they'd be looking for shift leaders, too. I thought to myself, "pretty easy, selling big pretzels and coffee," and then DH walked in and I told him what I had done and showed him the application.

Lucky for me, he was out of cigarettes. Tee hee.

The application was a very simple one. Just personal info, 3 jobs to list, and your signature.

And the evil wife told DH that she'd buy him cigarettes if he'd fill out the application and go back with me to turn it in tomorrow. Being the addict that he is, he said he would.

He told me he's excited, but also really nervous and scared. He can't remember the last time he applied for a job in earnest. I can't either. I'm not sure they'll be interested in hiring a 37 year old man, but I'm hoping he can impress them with his dependability and congeniality....or something....anyhow, cross your fingers for us, because tomorrow is also DH's first meeting with the "stop smoking" people. So he will be busy. I hope it's not too much too soon. I didn't mean to throw everything right at him on the same day, it just worked out that way.....

Oh--and he hasn't shot the fox yet. And my mom is still about the same. Much worse than she was before this happened--I don't have much confidence right now that she will be going back to her apartment, but miracles do happen, I guess....anyhow, she's better than she was at first, so I guess that's a plus, anyhow....

Friday, July 10, 2009

I'm starting to worry

DH still hasn't gotten the fox. He's seen it a couple of times, but he just hasn't been able to move subtly enough to where the fox will stick around long enough to get shot. I guess there's really no big hurry any more, the remaining chickens are shut up in the chicken house and not allowed outside until said problem is solved....

But I digress. I'm getting worried about DH. His schedule is all messed up. He's been getting up way too early and staying up way too late, in hopes of killing the fox. I told him that his mental stability is worth a lot more to me than the fox, he pretended like he hadn't understood me. I'm more than a little worried that his Lithium levels and Depakote levels will get "out of whack" and he'll lose this stability that he's been having. It's stressing me out.

Today I was at work when he called me and told me that he was helping a friend of his move. He should've been taking a nap. But anyhow, his voice had that sound in it, the one that I recognize as "the spending voice". Where it sounds like he's got a million bucks in his pocket and was in charge of the world. I pointed it out to him and he paused for a little while, I thought he was going to tell me I was right, but he told me I was imagining things.

Unfortunately I've been doing this too long now, to "imagine" things.

I don't know if he had any money (his mom might have sent him some, that makes sense), or if the mood was present without the spending. I guess I'll find out like I usually do, if he was spending, when he has the usual "day after remorse". I do hope I'm wrong, though.

My mom has been making sense, but still very depressed and feels helpless. I feel helpless, too, because I can't help her with this. I hope she can get past the things she "can't do any more" and start focusing on the things she can still do. And if she doesn't perk up soon, I hope they'll try an antidepressant.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The fox got all of our ducks

I really am having a tough time figuring this out. It behaves like a fox. No carcass(es) left behind, just a small pile of feathers, then about 20 feet away, a larger scattering of feathers, and no bird. The other night, he(they?) got the last 3 ducks, PLUS a chicken, and this morning, the last 2 chickens (roosters) that were in that pen got killed. DH thinks that happened when he went into the house for a cup of coffee. I don't know, we had a fox a few years back that would take one bird at a time, NEVER all of these at once....

And we have SIX dogs!!! (Granted, one is 14, and one is 16, and at least two others are usually tied up, but still....) I am appalled by the carnage. And DH was out last night from about 7pm to 10:30pm, then again at 4:30am to 8am, with only one 15 minute break.....whatever it is, it's sly, and I'd sure like the honor of helping it into the next world...

I'm not even 100% sure it's a fox, although DH saw it (or one of them), he said it was red like a fox, but big, as big as a large dog....so maybe coyote? But I always thought those traveled in packs and he only saw one....and I would think that there would be no way for several canines to enter the yard with as close a watch as has been kept and leave not only unnoticed, but with our birds, too....right???? I don't really know, so if someone has ideas, please share!!!

I'm really not usually a violent person. I always feel bad about death, like when our dog Megan decided to play with a skunk. The skunk did what skunks do, and Megan got really mad and decided she was going to make sure that skunk never did that again. The reason we know this, is because that night, about 5 years ago, Megan was in the field across the road, barking, and refused to come home. So DH went to get her (this was before DH got sick). He saw Megan repeatedly attacking the skunk and repeatedly getting sprayed, until the skunk spray was just dripping off of her face....and the skunk.....didn't make it, of course. And I felt bad, because the skunk was probably just scared and doing what God designed it to do....Megan, too, of course, but Meg lived to see another day....

Anyhow, I hate the cruelty of nature and animals. But this fox, or whatever it is, has inflicted so much cruelty on my animals, I am tending towards wanting revenge. Really bad. I'm angry. As much as I hate taking care of the ducks in the winter, I miss them. We've never been duckless before, ever since we moved to our land.

Monday, July 6, 2009

So what about DH, anyhow?

During all this drama with my mom, I've been so consumed with all the things that go along with the dementia, that I've hardly even written about DH. So I figured I'd give you a little lowdown....

I am really excited about things with DH, because it seems like the Depakote is really working. I'm almost afraid to say it out loud, but I've seen so many changes, that I have to chalk them up to something....

He's been more willing to do chores around the house. Sometimes I still need to remind him (ok, more than sometimes), but he's doing things. I admit, it's not anywhere near what he used to do, but he's taking his meds on a schedule. Not only that, but he's often taking them without me reminding him at all. Today he was out of cigarettes, and I told him that I wouldn't get them for him until he loaded the dishwasher and swept the floor. And he did both. No whining about it, either.

But here's another thing: (warning--animal lovers may be disturbed by the following, so if you might want to skip this part)--At the beginning of May, we had 29 ducks. For a while they were getting out of their pen and I couldn't figure out how. DH was no help at that time, and a bunch of ducks disappeared. I found and fixed the fence problem(s), and we were fine for a while. Then about a week ago, I noticed we were down to about 9 ducks. And a rooster, who had always preferred to live with the ducks, was missing, and all that remained was a big pile of feathers. That one was tough, because I was really attached to him. It was like a murder in the family. I cried. Then earlier this week, I realized we were down to only 5 ducks. Now we're only down to THREE. I pointed this out to DH and he has finally been able to take a gun and sit outside in hopes of killing a fox. This morning, he got up at 5am and went outside. And tonite he sat out there for over three hours. He told me to make sure he gets up at 4:30am tomorrow, so that he can make sure not to miss anything. I hope he kills it soon, because if he doesn't, I'm afraid we'll lose all the chickens, too. As much as I absolutely HATE taking care of those ducks in the winter, I'm really sad that this is happening and I hope it's over soon. About five years ago we had a fox that was getting our ducks, but DH was a lot more stable and healthy then, and it only took him 1 day and one bullet to get that fox.

Anyhow, I expressed my surprise at DH's willingness and ability to get up so early to watch for the fox (they usually come at sunup or sundown) and he told me he kind of liked it, because it made him feel useful and needed. I told him I hoped he put himself out of that job fast.

Oh. And on a day when I was particularly unhappy about having to buy his cigarettes (I just cannot afford them), I told him, "I'M SIGNING YOU UP FOR QUIT SMOKING CLASSES!!!" And you know what he said? This is going to blow some of you away. "I can't quit smoking, I LIKE smoking!!! Ok, I'll go, but you're going with me!"
So I guess I'm quitting smoking :-)
(no, I still don't smoke)

Friday, July 3, 2009

Whoa! Look at all the typos!!!

I'm usually a little bit of a spelling snob. Especially with my own stuff. (I'm clearly not a punctuation snob, as you can tell from my generous use of punctuation!!!) So anyhow, I was shocked when I reread some of my recent blog posts and saw all the typos....I guess I've not been even as clear as I thought, which was really not very clear!

Maybe over the weekend I'll fix the typos....

Or maybe I'll leave them there as a "tribute" to my personal chaos.

To go or not to go?

Well, the 4th of July is right around the corner. And my mom is still (of course) in the nursing home, still not doing too good, although we're kind of getting used to it now...

So here's my quandary for the day:

There is a family reunion on the 4th of July. All my mom's relatives. Her brother, nieces and nephews, cousins....it's at my cousin's house. He lives out in the country, in a house with one bathroom. About 110 miles away from home. It's going to be a pot luck thing.

Before my mom got sick, she was really looking forward to this get-together. We went last year, and she was glad she went. Getting her into the bathroom was a chore a year ago. Now, I have no doubt, it'd be even tougher. But my mom is still talking about the "get-together". I tried to suggest that maybe we could just take a special trip down there when she was feeling better, but she looked so sad, I just dropped it. She's been pretty confused, so I was kind of hoping that maybe she'd forget. But I have read (and it seems to hold true) that Alzheimer's patients can remember things when they have an emotional investment in them....so she probably won't forget this one....

I'm torn. I really don't want to go. I'd rather stay home. It's a long drive. I'm shy & quiet and although I enjoy seeing my relatives, I don't thrive on chatting with them. But there are so many reasons why I should find a way to get my mom there, not the least of which is "what if it's her last family reunion?" and really, most of my reasons for not wanting to go are related to the inconvience and stress that I would experience, not the joy that she would experience.

DH feels strongly that we need to find a way to get her there. And I can see his point. The nursing home would let us bring her, as long as she wasn't gone for 24 hours. I'm worried about that bathroom, too. If there are 50 people there, and one bathroom, my mom's 25-minute bathroom trips aren't going to be appreciated much. But there I go again, focusing on what other people think and not what my mom would like....

Seeing those people might lift her out of her depression....

I have been entertaining the thought of driving down there, staying for about a half hour or so, and then heading home....that way my mom can go, but we won't overdo it...

Every day brings something new, doesn't it?

When I used to talk to my mom about DH and DD, back when my mom was clearer-headed, I used to tell her, "Some people get a little bit of crap here and there throughout their lives. I'm just getting all of mine at once. So when the crap is over, I'll just have a crap-free life from there on, because I'll have already received all my crap." LOL. My new question is "When will the crap be over?"

Oh....and DH confessed that he did not fold the laundry.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

New kind of crazy....

Well, things with my mom have not changed very much. The Seroquel did make her sleep, but it seemed to do nothing for her delusions/hallucinations, so they theorized that she was possibly extremely anxious, instead. So they started her on Xanax, an anti-anxiety drug, and it seems to be helping. She still gets worked up, but is making more sense now.

Today, we had a "care conference", with the therapists, the nursing staff, the dietary people, etc., and I learned that the results of a preliminary cognitive test show that currently my mom is functioning at a 4-year-old level, needing lots of prompts to do her activities of daily living. To me, that seems shocking, but then I don't know where she was before this happened. Probably less than 10, for sure. I guess nobody needs to say that you can't expect a 4 year old to live by herself, so right now, going back to her apartment is not realistic.

She still seems angry and depressed. And I found out that they were giving her Vicodin, because they were thinking that the confusion may have been caused by pain that she wasn't able to communicate. But now she is (in a general sense) making more sense, and still does not complain of pain, so I want them to stop the Vicodin, unless they can give me a valid, firmly rooted reason why she should be on it.

I'm so stressed out.

And yesterday, DD went to her "girls group", which is a group that her caseworker has, where teen girls who have problems with friendships can get together and have fun in a supervised setting. DD chose instead to get into a fight, and got brought home. Where she started screaming at the top of her lungs and saying that she was going to kill herself. When I tried to get her to lie down and take a nap, she tried to intimidate me, screamed in my ear and told me to "go to......" "work". (haha, I guess she knows what happens when you tell your mom to go someplace else)...
Anyhow, so that led to an emergency therapy session today, so I was really late to work. Jeez.

I'm so stressed out.

But all in all, my mom is relatively stable, and DD is sleeping. I'm working, back at work after a week off. I can't believe I had the foresight back in January, to know that I was going to need a week of vacation last week....I didn't have much relaxation, of course, but I didn't have to worry about work and my mom, too.

I'm still not giving up hope that my mom can go back to her apartment. But I willingly admit that I might be in denial. Time will tell.

P.S. DH just called me to tell me that he did a load of laundry. I hope he folded it. I can't remember the last time he did laundry. I am so grateful that the Depakote seems to be stabilizing him, because I don't know what I could do if everyone was unstable at once.....