Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Quitting Meds

Late last week, DH announced to me that he had not been taking his meds and that he was not planning on taking them.

He stated that he was tired of "not doing anything" and he knew that if he stopped taking his meds, he could be "more productive" and "get a job" and then I wouldn't have to work so much.

It was a good idea in theory.  I had already started to see mood swings, but I had chalked them up to changes in sunlight/weather.  DH honestly had no recollection of
any of the things that happened before.  He thought, for whatever reason, that things were fine and then people decided he needed meds.

When I reminded him of a lot of the things that happened before he was medicated, and I reminded him that he WAS in fact, working, when this began, he looked at me like I was making it all up!  He completely didn't believe me, and didn't believe, if the things I said were true, that they were "that bad"!

To make a pretty long story shorter, I told him that it was his decision to make, but that if things start going down that same road again, well, I am not going to go there.  If he chooses to not take his meds, and it causes problems with our marriage, I'm done.  So "That Guy", said to me, "I guess that's a chance I'll take then."

The next day, DH told me that he had decided to continue taking his meds.  I congratulated him on this decision and tried very hard to be supportive.  But things haven't been the same since.  He's been lying in bed sulking.  When I come to bed, he gets up and goes into the living room until I get up.  His sleep schedules are all messed up, and I think a hospital stay is not unbelievable at this point.  The only thing he did yesterday at all was lie in bed and eat.  And we've been here before.  I get fed up and start fantasizing about living on my own.  And I really like the idea. 

<< sigh >>

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Back to the drawing board

Well, DH's disability appeal was denied again.  I shouldn't be surprised, but I was just hoping.....anyhow, the attorney is already working on refiling.  Don't hold your breath, for sure!

DH has been having some problems with his left hand.  And, unlike the back problems, I can see that there is truly a problem.  He started complaining that his hand and fingers were numb.  Then, he became unable to grip things in his left hand (which is a problem, because he is left-handed).  He went to the doctor, who thought it was a nerve problem and sent him to a surgeon.  The surgeon determined that DH would have to have nerve surgery on his left hand/arm, and it would be major (not laparoscopic).  So they started setting that up, but on one of the presurgical visits, the doctor noticed that DH's fingers are contracting in an unusual way.  So now DH is scheduled to see a neurologist to see if it really is a nerve problem or something else.

I'm kind of hoping the neurologist does a bunch of brain tests in addition to hand tests.  DH had a battery of tests back in 2007(?) and it was very interesting to see the results (although DH was bummed out)--I'd like to see what, if anything, has changed.

My mom is still with us, kind of.  Once in a while she still knows who "Donna Mae" is, but most of the time she just sleeps.  We don't have a lot of conversations beyond "I love you" any more.  She struggles to understand what I say, and she has a tough time finding the right words when she does want to say something.  I'm giving thought to getting Hospice involved again.  They did so much good for her last year.....

I'm dreading the time change.  It seems like every year, around daylight savings time, my mom takes a turn for the worse.  And frankly, there's not a whole lot worse she can get, I don't think.  From what I see, she appears to be one of the lower functioning residents at her nursing home now.  Part of me wishes it would all be over, but one night, I had a dream that the nursing home called me to report that she had passed in the night, and I cannot even begin to explain the terror I felt before I realized that it wasn't real.  I know lots of people are in the same situation, but somehow it doesn't feel easier.

The main reason I haven't been posting (aside from not having much to post about), is that work has been insanely busy (at the county).  and my job at the group home has gotten busier too, with some new residents who have higher needs.  I'm really really tired of working both jobs.  I'm hoping that something will happen to make this easier somehow, because every weekend now, I fantasize about not having to work.  Except I have to.  I do think, however, that things are better than they were last year.  So maybe things will be exceptionally good soon!