Late last week, DH announced to me that he had not been taking his meds and that he was not planning on taking them.
He stated that he was tired of "not doing anything" and he knew that if he stopped taking his meds, he could be "more productive" and "get a job" and then I wouldn't have to work so much.
It was a good idea in theory. I had already started to see mood swings, but I had chalked them up to changes in sunlight/weather. DH honestly had no recollection of
any of the things that happened before. He thought, for whatever reason, that things were fine and then people decided he needed meds.
When I reminded him of a lot of the things that happened before he was medicated, and I reminded him that he WAS in fact, working, when this began, he looked at me like I was making it all up! He completely didn't believe me, and didn't believe, if the things I said were true, that they were "that bad"!
To make a pretty long story shorter, I told him that it was his decision to make, but that if things start going down that same road again, well, I am not going to go there. If he chooses to not take his meds, and it causes problems with our marriage, I'm done. So "That Guy", said to me, "I guess that's a chance I'll take then."
The next day, DH told me that he had decided to continue taking his meds. I congratulated him on this decision and tried very hard to be supportive. But things haven't been the same since. He's been lying in bed sulking. When I come to bed, he gets up and goes into the living room until I get up. His sleep schedules are all messed up, and I think a hospital stay is not unbelievable at this point. The only thing he did yesterday at all was lie in bed and eat. And we've been here before. I get fed up and start fantasizing about living on my own. And I really like the idea.
<< sigh >>
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Quitting Meds
Posted by Carol at 9:03 AM
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7 comments:
You've done everything you can do...and more. This is his decision to make another last-ditch poor decision. Wash your hands and walk off. "Til death do us part" doesn't include working yourself to death while your partner refuses to get help & stay on meds.
You really have done everything you can, and MORE than fulfilled your end of the bargain. At least you know where your life's going if it's just you in it.
Many hugs to you & the kittehs. Toss DH to the curb. He's had 4,000 chances and blown every single one. Just like my ex-husband (alcoholic).
So, is he taking his meds now? He said he would but words and actions are two very different things.
Way to go standing your ground and setting some boundaries. It's tough but you are right, it is his choice no matter how much you want to make it for him. If he is not on his meds it isn't a surprise that he doesn't remember stuff and how bad things were. It is also hard to make good choices when off the meds. Still, he was on the meds when he made the choice to stop taking them. That is the real problem. I am guessing DH still isn't in therapy?
You really have done everything, and though I know his position as I have wanted to and have gone off my meds from time to time he needs to consider how it effects his relationships and you. If he doesn't respect those things then maybe there is a bigger problem than you thought.
I am a psych nurse at an involuntary inpatient facility. I see this cycle on a daily basis with patients. I see the anguish and torment they put their family through. I have been reading your blog for quite awhile and I really think that it is time to cut ties with him. There comes a time when you have to put yourself first and take care of yourself. You ARE important here too. This isn't all about him. His choices have negatively affected your life in so many ways.
Having a mental illness is not a death sentence for a marriage. However, the person with the mental illness has to be willing to do their part. If they are not (and your husband has clearly shown that he isn't on many occasions) you become nothing more than a mom taking care of him. This is no longer a marriage and it is not healthy for you.
He is a big boy and he needs to make decisions to take care of himself. You need to take care of yourself as well. You walking away from him may give him a huge wake up call to do something about his life or it may not. Either way he won't be your problem anymore and you can work on finding happiness and joy in your life again.
It's a rough road. Adults with mental illness have rights and we want them to have those rights...BUT...
yeah, I get it. My son is MI (SZ or Schizoaffective) and we are constantly teetering on the edge of him throwing in the towel. You have to take into consideration anosognosia...which is very real; so real in fact it is now a separate dianosis. It's a complicated path. I commend you on your journey. I too keep track on my blog: www.crackedjuju.com
Come join me and we can chat. Give each other encouragement.
My wife is mentally ill but for the last few months the meds have been working pretty well. So of course now she thinks she doesn't need them and gets angry when I insist she does...I can very much empathize with what is happening with you right now...
Kylie Said....
I am very proud to hear that your husband decided to continue taking his medicine to make his marriage work. Medicine for some people is very important because it controls their anger, emotions and allows them to have more stability. Doctors don't prescribe people medicine for the fun of it. They do it to help people in need.
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