Tuesday, November 27, 2007

He's still really down

Sometimes I just feel so defeated. I know that the choice(s) he has made are his, and I shouldn't feel so upset about that, but I'm really worried that he is going to alienate everyone that cares about him, and he isn't going to have a clue what happened--like Jason, who seems to be "not quite as eager to hang out" as he once was....after DH basically spent him dry, and then joked about it...

Let's see....he's stolen from me, lied to me....mooched huge amounts of money from every person who has mentioned they have access to some....spent the money his mom gave him for filing bankruptcy--and it didn't get spent on bankruptcy-- lied about that....he pawned his brother's deer rifle, and today I found out that he did pawn his own $1300 deer rifle (the one that I urged him not to pawn) too. I have said before that him not having that gun isn't that big of a deal to me; if he doesn't have any guns, then he will have a harder time shooting himself....but I know he won't get it back, and also, his mom had told him that she wanted to use the gun for collateral for the bankruptcy money that doesn't exist any more, to assure that he would pay her back. I just think that once everyone really starts to realize what is up, things are going to hit the fan, and more people besides Jason are going to throw their hands up and say "I can't do this any more".

And when I try to say anything about that to DH, I am the "bad guy". The "meanie" who won't give him any money. Even though I have a credit card (rolling my eyes)....I just wish I knew how to handle this better. He is so sure that he is making good decisions. So sure, that he is absolutely offended that I would even consider the possibility that his decisions aren't the best ones. I absolutely hate watching him do this. And it's so hard to not be able to just say to him, "Look. Most people can survive without pop." No matter how I word it, it turns out that he just can't. (survive).

Tonight I feel like it's all so hopeless. I wish he'd just get so mad at me for not giving him money that he'd go and move in with his mom or his brother or someone....I don't want a divorce, not really....I just want him to go away and be someone else's problem for a few days.


Pann said...

I think you have a great idea... maybe he can take a "vacation" at his mom's house.

Free you for a while.