Not a very good day for DH

DH called me at work (again on a Friday) and first asked me if there was any money in the house because he needed his Marlboros. I had bought him some generic smokes, I just can't see me, a non-smoker, spending $4.50 a pack for a pack-a-day habit that isn't even mine....anyhow, DH was upset because he had no cigs and no money. Actually, he did have cigs, they just weren't the kind he likes. Too bad for him, I say (but not to his face, that would make matters a LOT worse, LOL)....beggars can't be choosers....I wasn't much help, I told him "not a lot of people die from lack of cigs." That didn't make him too happy, LOL...

Then he called me a couple of hours later and told me that a) he had called Jason and Jason hadn't called back, b) his brother had invited a friend that we barely know to go hunting on our land, but his brother wasn't even going to be there and c) dd was being snotty.

To a non-bipolar person, these things seem so easy to handle: a) maybe Jason's busy, b) really rude, just say no... and c) send her to bed--it's her bedtime anyhow...

But to DH, these are end-of-the world crises. He can't tell his brother not to invite his friend to our land, because his brother will just guilt trip him and he'll feel bad. So he calls me and talks for a half hour about how awful it is instead (I say too bad, no reasonable person would be happy about this, especially since we aren't going to be home tomorrow!) So he mopes around and feels bad. And DD, well, kids are snotty sometimes. It's not the end of the world, and it doesn't mean she doesn't love him or whatever, she's just being a 14 year old. Send her to bed and you don't have to deal with her for the rest of the night and maybe she won't be so snotty tomorrow. But to DH he takes it personally, and not only that, but he gets way way more angry than her behavior merits. Thank goodness he doesn't take it out on her. Most of the time he calls me up to tell me how angry he is. And then he feels angry and depressed about it, because he's a terrible person (according to him). And the thing with Jason. Well, maybe Jason is sick of being used for money. I don't know. I don't think I would want to hang out with DH if I wasn't married to him, especially the way he constantly "needs" to spend money....he "needs" to spend money, but he can't do a damn thing about getting himself in a better money situation, so he'd better just get used to humble pie and learn how to do without like a normal person...sorry....but I'm so sick of him "needing" this and "needing" that...cigs, pop, ice cream, candy bars....these are NOT things that most people "NEED". So basically, these things were causing DH to feel miserable and angry and powerless.

Well, anyhow, we will be attending our very first "Spenders Anonymous" meeting tomorrow. I hope it's good. I am allowed to go the first meeting, then spouses aren't allowed unless they also have spending problems. It sounds like it's exactly what DH needs (more than pop or cigs). I will keep you posted on how this all goes....I am hoping that somehow DH will see that the spending and the "needing" is out of control....