Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Bipolar priorities

One of the ways I know DH is still not back to "normal", even on his "good" days is that he has absolutely no idea what his priorities should be. And even when he does know that something's important, usually its not important enough to end up on his radar screen.

Take those bankruptcy forms. They make me want to scream. He has been "gonna" file bankruptcy since May of this year. I've probably mentioned that before. The first attorney he talked to instructed him to use a Credit Counseling service (you have to do that before you file bankruptcy) and that would cost $75. I did have the money at the time, but I felt (mind you, this was back in May, when he still had a job) that it was his responsibility to take care of that. (Yayy for me not enabling him, right?) Well, he never did it.

So in August, he called a different attorney, who sent him a bunch of forms to fill out, with questions like "do you own your own home?" "List your debts and the addresses of those companies". You know, stuff you would expect for filing bankruptcy. (By the way, in MN he is allowed to file bankruptcy without me, so presumably, if he ever did it, my credit would be relatively unscathed)...Anyhow, at least once a week there is some kind of drama at our house involving a bill collector. Lately they've been calling him and telling him that they're going to put a lien on our house. Now based on what I've been able to find out, they can't do that without going to court. But I have been wrong before and would very much hate to be wrong here. Every time this one company calls our house, DH gets all upset about it, then he gets depressed about it, because he is "such a piece of sh**" and then he gets suicidal. At least once a week.

And that's not even mentioning the people who call regarding the bad checks he's written. And the bank accounts that have been closed due to the bad checks. We get a lot of calls. He owes a lot of people a lot of money.

I am also aware that by filing bankruptcy, the calls from the bill collectors would stop. Not only that, but if things work out like I'm thinking they probably will, they won't be able to put a lien on the house, either.

So it would seem to me, as a rational thinking person, that those forms should take top priority, right? It would end a lot of worry and pain for all involved. But I have been "reminding" him to fill out the forms since August. And they still aren't done. A couple of months ago, he promised me he would do them. Tonite, he told me "it's gonna take a while, there's a lot of pages."

I told him, "It should be your job. It is going to pay off. If you can have a reasonable expectation that you will eventually be working for 8 hours a day, and you are physically capable of doing that so that you can get paid, then spending an hour or two filling out forms that are ultimately going to save you $40,000-$50,000 should really be a no-brainer."

So then he pretended like he was suddenly drowsy, you know, with that groggy, half-asleep voice, so I told him I'd just talk to him some other time. Yes, I'm angry, but I don't know how much is "lazy" and how much is "bipolar" and how to tell the difference.

I fear I am going to have to give him an ultimatum, because if he can't fill those damn forms out, well, I sure can, but if I have to fill them out, I'll probably have to be appointed his guardian or power of attorney or whatever....and that won't go over well either. This is the kind of logic (or lack thereof) that I encounter daily. And I struggle with "should I do what I probably should be doing, at risk of making him hugely hurt and angry?" or "should I just hope he gets well enough or is well enough to take care of these things himself...." It's very easy to select the second option, the easy way out. After all, that's how it used to be...