Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Still no Gold Dollar solution

I've been contemplating the fact that it's been weeks now since I discovered that DH had stolen my gold dollars. I had really hoped that as I put time between that day and now, I would be better able to accept and forgive him, and start over with the gold dollars again.

But I still haven't been able to do it. There have been several times where I've had an extra dollar or two and thought about getting gold dollars. But I still can't bring myself to do it. I end up with this resigned "What's the use?" attitude, and then I go buy a can of pop or something equally useless. I've got to get through this somehow, but I don't know how.

I've forgiven DH for stealing from me. I know it was his bipolar that caused him to do something that the man I married would never ever do. But I haven't forgotten, for sure. And I keep thinking about "where would I put the bucket now?" Because the only place that I KNEW my collection would be safe, was in our bedroom, under lock and key. So it really seems pointless to do it again, because if I keep it in our bedroom, who's to say it won't happen again? And if I keep it elsewhere in the house, well, dd stole from us before we put the lock on the bedroom door, so I couldn't feel comfortable about that either. We only have a 2-bedroom house. It's painful to think about.

I was really hoping that maybe since I'm feeling more hopeful about DH today, that I could get past the gold dollar thing. But apparently not yet.