Sunday, October 21, 2007

Bipolar Drama Update

Well, after yesterday's drama, I'm sure you're wondering what happened.

Ok, then, well, nothing.

I was very angry. I had a coupon for a $19.99 hotel room and gave some serious thought toward using that, but I didn't want to waste it when the night was almost half over. So I went home and went to bed. And when I woke up, DH's friends were really nice to me, and DH acted like nothing had happened. I'm really afraid of what I might provoke by bringing it up again right now, but rest assured, I will. And of course I will let you know what transpires!

See, I guess I need to explain something about DH's bipolar mood swings. When he is having one, he comes across as very angry (usually) or very excited (usually about something he has spent money on). When he is in either of these states, it is like he is a different person. He's "That Guy". "That Guy" doesn't listen to reason, and he gets angry at the smallest perceived slight. He is irrational, and if I express frustration, "That Guy" is always wanting to "leave". Or kill himself.

"That Guy", however, is not my DH. It feels strange to even type that, let alone try to explain it. DH is a calm, rational person, a person who strives to make me happy, a person who, if I say "I WILL NOT TOLERATE (whatever)", he will make a very strong point of not even coming close to doing that, because he wants me to be happy. He wouldn't argue with me about it, he would just accept the fact that "my wife can't stand (whatever)" and get on with things. "That Guy", on the other hand, is only in it for himself. DH is the guy who, when one of our cats did not want her nails trimmed, and bit him THROUGH his thumbnail, leaving a hole(!), calmly said "Well, I guess she isn't going to let me trim her toenails tonite." He doesn't lose his temper, especially with the animals. I believe it was "That Guy" who was talking yesterday. It doesn't make his actions acceptable, for sure. And whether it's DH or "That Guy" abusing the dogs, it needs to stop. And I will have to address the issue strongly at a time when I'm confident that DH is "all there" and ready to hear what I have to say. It makes it easier for me to wake up and have DH back for a while, and not have to say much about what happened yesterday. Yet, anyhow.

I have a tough time sometimes with "That Guy". Ok, in all honesty, I would like to divorce "That Guy". But every once in a while, DH comes back, and, as I've written before, I a) get my hopes up and b) fail to immediately recognize when "That Guy" has taken over again.

I'm not saying that any of this is my fault, except for my expectations, of course, I DO NOT LIKE "THAT GUY". But DH, well, I love him dearly and want him back really bad. Does that make any sense at all?