Monday, October 29, 2007

Ups and downs

I got home last night at about 9:30pm, I was just exhausted, and absolutely everything was making me angry. DH hadn't cleaned anything while I was gone, so there was a pile of dirty dishes, dirty laundry, and empty pet food bowls and full garbage, and although realistically, I don't expect him to do much, I got home and there he was, stretched across the bed (again as usual) watching TV. There was no place for me to lie down, and I got crabby. I was standing in the living room trying to decide what to do, as I hadn't slept in nearly 48 hours and absolutely needed to lie down, and DH came out of the bedroom and asked me what was wrong. (!) That in itself was shocking, because I can't remember the last time he did that, but when I told him I was really crabby, he told me that he was going to go in the living room and work on his bankruptcy forms and he turned on my reading lamp for me and told me to go to sleep and he'd stay in the other room so that I could sleep. I almost started crying, I was so surprised to have him be concerned about me and want to make me comfortable.

Then this morning when I woke up, I was still crabby, but not quite so bad. So when he told me that he had found one of the 20 dollar bills that I had stashed (he must have really been searching), and he had spent it on "munchies", I was mad about that. Why on earth, when all you have to your name is $40, would you go and buy cookies and candy and pop, instead of gas or something important.....I knew he wouldn't have any money left. He said he thought Jason was getting irritated with him never having money, so he felt like he had to buy some stuff. I wanted to say "if people are getting irritated with you for spending their money, why can't you just say something like 'well, I don't have any money, so I'll just make do with what we have at home--you just buy stuff for yourself.'" To me that would be easy. For him, apparently, it never even entered the realm of possibility. And so I realized that while things do seem better lately, he's still not thinking right....I'm trying to just focus on the positives.