Friday, October 19, 2007

Bipolar Logic

Hi again!

I was thinking, as long as I'm here debating with myself as to what the smart thing to do is (should I call him and tell him I was wrong, when I don't think I was?) (Is he going to try to kill himself?) (Will he leave?) (Am I expecting too much?) (Am I being unreasonable) etc., I figured I'd add a little more info to the drama.

DH has huge feet. He wears a size 15 shoe. So it's hard to find shoes that fit him. He usually has to spend $100 to find a nice pair of dress shoes.

My cat Tilly was dying of kidney failure this past summer. She went to the "rainbow bridge" in August. She was getting fluids every day, and she was having a tough time making it to the litter box. Apparently she decided that DH's size 15's were good enough, and she used those instead. Several times. He was angry when he found out.

He was very angry. For almost a week all I heard was "YOU OWE ME A NEW PAIR OF SHOES!". I don't figure I OWE him anything. I pay his half of the mortgage. I pay his car insurance. I pay for his cell phone. I have paid for his bounced checks. I have paid bill collectors on his behalf. I took a loan out from my 401k to cover one of his loans. AND HE SAYS I OWE HIM A PAIR OF SHOES???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that's bipolar logic. I owe him Jack. He owes me. $300 in gold dollars. Countless dollars that I've shelled out for his prescriptions, his medical bills, his loan(s). Not to mention the mortgage that he hasn't paid for the last year. Or the light bill. Or getting the septic pumped. BUT I OWE HIM A PAIR OF SHOES. right.

Epilogue: With Jim staying with us, DH took his sob story about the shoes to Jim. "How can he go to a job interview without dress shoes?". So Jim goes to the shoe store and DH gets the shoes from Jim. And a $150 pair of steel-toed boots too. This is beyond ridiculous. But I don't think Jim has the full view yet, that DH is a spending machine and will make him broke faster than you can snap your fingers. I think he sees it a little, but not enough.

You know, I re-read this and sit here and wonder: "what on earth am I doing with this loser?"

But he wasn't always like this. And I made a vow. I'm just struggling right at this moment to convince myself that it's all going to be worth it someday.


robin said...

this truly sounds like the story of my life. My husband was recently diagnosed and we are now separated. The decision to separate was made easy for me because he did become physically violent with me. Thank you so much for blogging your story. It has provided me with some comfort knowing I am not alone. I can really relate to your feelings regarding not wanting to abandon him, etc. I am coming to the conclusion that staying with him is not helping him, and that tough love really is the only way to help not only me but him.