Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I'm giving in to bipolar

First off, I am sorry for not posting until now, the computers at one of my jobs have been down and I have had no access until tonite. I am hoping that things will be fine from now on, though.

Unfortunately, despite me hoping otherwise, things went about as you all would expect this past week--not as wonderful as one should hope! DH went to see the jobs guy, who helped him fill out the application for the casino, and DH went out there to turn in the application and the lady he needed to talk to was not in. So, instead of trying to get some other applications in, he came home, went to bed, and said to me, "I don't know how much more rejection I can take."

Once again, I tried to explain that from my point of view, there might have been rejection, but there might have been other reasons, too. For example, his boss at the apartment building might have wanted to have a relative of hers do the work instead. It might not have anything to do with DH at all. But he just kept fixating on "what is wrong with me?" I finally told him that he had to just up and decide, either he is going to look for a job, or he isn't, and he needs to be happy with the consequences of either decision. If he isn't going to work, there's going to be a lot less fun in his future. A lot less pop, a lot less gas. That's all there is to it. He didn't like me saying that, but that was how I was feeling.

Oh--and DH had an appointment on Monday with his Therapist, he called to double check the time and everything, but then he forgot to go. I don't know how many times they are going to let him do that before he needs to find a different therapist, but I also know that he really needs to talk to his therapist right now and it isn't happening!

Then today, DD had a get-together with some kids in town, so I got home from work at 6am, went to bed, woke up at 10am, tried to wake up DH but he wouldn't wake up, drove DD into town, came home, took a nap, got up at 1pm and took care of all the animals, went into town, picked up DD, and when I got home, DH was STILL SLEEPING. AND SO WAS JIM. When I left for work, they were both still sleeping. That made me crabby. I was the one who worked all night, but they are the ones who get to sleep all day? ARGH.

Anyhow, today I am in an "I just give up" mood. I feel like throwing up my hands and saying "Whatever!" So that's what I wound up doing today....I just kept trying to "lower my expectations" and it did make me more comfortable...I tried to get my mind back to "single mom" status again, because when I don't expect DH to do anything, I don't get so angry when he doesn't.

On the happy side, we learned that the county where we live has some extra funds and wants to send DD to horseback riding camp for FREE!!! How cool is that? Good luck for once!


Anonymous said...

Hang in there. The good thing is that DD gets to go horse back riding for free & enfoy her summer. Joann

Anonymous said...

I don't blame you for being upset, I would be furious! I don't know how you have so much patience, I'd be having a serious talk to both of them, they are not being fair to you at all. Do you ever tell your husband that it's not okay with you for him to be sleeping all day and not pulling his weight? I hope Jim is paying you board and room for staying with you and not freeloading off you like your husband is.

Lorna said...

I would be furious too if my husband was staying in bed all day too while I was doing 2 jobs, holding everything together and sooo tired myself. I wondered how you managed to post on my blog at 7:30am UK time, I thought you should be in bed at that time.

Regarding what you said on my blog about not researching bipolar, maybe it would be good to try now. The book I mentioed is brillant and gives you a good understanding of the illness, which equips you better to deal with it. I know the stats are scarey, but they have less chance of winning if you are armed with knowledge, as they say, knowledge is power, and I think it is true with dealing with this illness to a certain extent too. Sorry waffling now. I would not stand for my DH staying in bed all day. It's a vicious circle anyway and if he doesn't keep a strict routine it mkaes him worse. I know it's hard to get them up sometimes, but my husband knows I do it for his own good and eventauuly complies (most of the time).

Lorna x

Pann said...

Lucky DD! I am so happy for her opportunity. Wonderful...

Sorry you're so frustrated. I can only imagine how exasperating his issues are.

perphila said...

You are trying to be understanding and supportive. I don't know how you do it with so little sleep though. What excuse does Jim have to be sleeping? That would make me furious.