Thursday, July 31, 2008

I must be doing better....

Today was a very warm and humid day outside. (I love summer!!!!!) I didn't really notice, though, because I've been working all day, but I did notice something I wanted to share with you, because it made me kind of excited but it also made me want to stop and figure out what's wrong (LOL--I know that's bad thinking, though).

I've been dreaming again. Not like dreaming as in "I went to bed and had a dream", but I've been fantasizing about my future. I haven't done that for so long, it feels wrong!!! But I think that with DH being somewhat more stable, and DD being, well, as good as she's ever been (she's at horse camp right now, though, so maybe that contributes to the feeling), LOL, that I am feeling like there might be some "me" time in the future. I've started thinking about redecorating the house. I've started thinking about fencing the yard, so the "not-so-obedient" dogs won't have to be tied out. I've been thinking about getting more exercise (there's still a time issue with that one, though) and taking some classes.

It's a nice feeling that I think I had forgotten--it might be possible for me to have a life and work and sleep too....??? Unfortunately a lot of my ideas still involve money, but a few don't, and a few don't involve MUCH money (how much does a bucket of reject paint cost? $1 or $2?--you know, the paint that someone had gotten mixed and then rejected it--every paint store has some) Maybe there's not as much of a life as I'd like, but I am hoping I can keep this little spark of feeling going so that tomorrow when I'm home, I might be able to do something that makes me feel like I accomplished something, or better yet, maybe something that makes me feel proud of myself. (I know that I'll probably wake up and "That Guy" will be there, but maybe he won't....?)

Battling bipolar, even if you're not the one with the illness, can sure sap your hopes and dreams, can't it? I hope that I'm getting some of those back :-)