Tuesday, June 10, 2008

How to tell if it's hypomania?

Well, it's been very strange. DH is just DIVING in to his new job. He's been getting up at 8am every day and now today he's going to fix three lawn mowers for that lady he used to work for, too. He's not really getting much done around our house at all. Every waking hour has been spent on either selecting/packing tools that he will need for his new job, or fixing lawnmowers. I don't know how to tell if he's just excited or if he's having some hypomania?

And we had a pretty big argument yesterday about the money. I was already upset about paying the $250 for the pawn shop stuff. So we went to the pawn shop and found out that it was actually going to be $385!!!! So, as you can figure, I was jumping up and down for joy (not) and I was very stressed out about it. So then we looked at just paying a month's worth of fees so that at least he wouldn't lose the stuff--that would be about $80. He said, "Well, what I was thinking was that maybe we could get the gun out for $235 and just pay $35 in fees to keep the guitar in there for another month." I told DH that "that's a half a month's pay from the one job" and he didn't say anything. All the while I was really steaming, because not only did I tell him not to do this and he did anyhow, but this is the second time he's done this and he clearly hadn't learned anything....and I keep getting stuck with the bill....And all of a sudden he went back into the "you don't love me" mode and told me to "Just forget it." And I was happy to forget it. Even though I knew that wouldn't be the end of it. And then all night he didn't want to talk to me.

Finally he told me that he's sick of being such a "burden". And "look at what he's done to my finances" and "how could I not want to divorce him"? We had a long talk, because I could tell that "That Guy" had taken the night off. I told him that I don't mind paying the bills. I don't mind giving him gas money, and I don't mind buying his medicines. I really don't mind. What I mind is when I give him $20 for gas/cigs or whatever, and fifteen minutes later he asks me for more. What I mind is when I know we have peanut butter, jelly, and bread, and he asks for money so that he can go buy bologna and cheese. Or that we've got tons of Kool-Aid and lots of glasses for water, and he still needs money to buy pop. That's what I mind, when he can't just make do, like the rest of us have to. And I told him that. And even though he didn't answer, I think he understood. He started to try to "explain" why he did certain things and apparently the logic (or lack thereof) started to become apparent to him, and he kind of shut up.

Now, today, I got paid, so I went and paid the light bill and the payment for his truck, which was late. I was going to pay the monthly fee(s) for the pawn shop so that he wouldn't have to tell his brother that he sold his gun. But DH said this: "How about you give me $200 today, and when I get my first check, I will pay you back $250 so that will cover the credit card and the fees and the interest?" And since I know that until he gets paid, he'd be nickel and diming and dollaring me to death anyhow, I agreed. I gave him the $200. And something I said must have at least made a temporary dent, because he has called me once while he was at a fast food place. He was waiting in the car, because Jim wanted fast food and DH didn't want to spend his money. (way to go!!!) Then he just called me again--he decided to go to the grocery store and buy bologna, cheese and chips so he can bring a lunch to work, and he says "I HAD NO IDEA THINGS WERE THAT EXPENSIVE!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THE BOLOGNA WAS?" And then he proudly told me that he had only spent $14 there and he sounded proud of himself. I know it won't last, but I'm going to revel in that for today....maybe now that he's gradually moving back into the real world, his money will become more dear than it has been....


Disability Blogger said...

Just curious. Does he only have bipolar disorder or does he have bipolar and attention deficit? His behavior seems similar to my stepson, who actually has bipolar, ADHD, and OCD. With all three of them, he has difficulty with the bipolar phases and thought-based OCD problems. But one of his major problems, that seems to flow from ADHD, is that he has trouble with judgement, because he's always in "the moment" and, consequently, he doesn't plan ahead and doesn't relect on the past to make better decisions.

perphila said...

It can be confusing. I know my husband has times where he makes good choices when it comes to money. He will not buy something because he knows he can't afford it right now. Then a few days later he turns around and blows a ton of money of crap. An example would be like when one of the kids wanted a game system for xmas and he said he couldn't afford it right now. Then a few weeks later the kids see he went a bought a more expensive system for himself. When they asked him about it he said he got it on sale. Still he denied the kids something which I had to really agree wasn't affordable but tries to justify why it is ok for HIM to have it. Another thing is the counting the chickens before they hatch thinking when it comes to money. He will buy something on credit with the idea he will pay it off with money he thinks he will be getting later. It left us behind when then the money he thought he was going to get or job didn't come through. An example of his thinking here would be buying stuff for the house or himself like clothes and cds saying when he got his disability he would pay me back. He did not get as much money as he thought he would from the disability or his retirement. He has never paid dime one back in return. The need to get something right at that moment seems to be overwhelming. Other times he is very on task about paying the bills. For the past two years he has been mostly making bad choices. For the past 9 months all the choices have been bad and getting worse. I understand the fustration and confusion. As for hypomania....it's too early to tell I think. Does his therapist know yet about the changes? I would ask.

Carol said...

Disability blogger--it was only relatively recently that he was diagnosed with the bipolar, if he has any of the other problems you mentioned, we aren't aware of it yet, but it wouldn't surprise me.

Perphila--Boy does that sound familiar....I remember back when this was all starting and DH was not working at all, DD wanted a new bathing suit and I said "we can't afford that right now, Dad's not working." And two days later Dad comes home with a brand new 4-wheeler and told us that he just "picked it up on the way home" like you would a pack of cigarettes!!! DD never said anything but one of the hardest money issues has been that I tell her we can't afford it, and then DH goes out and either buys whatever for her, or buys something bigger for himself...making me look like a meanie.

And every time DH has had a job interview, he wants to go get new clothes because "he's got a job now" (or at least an interview) and he'll be able to afford it. "Let's just put it on your credit card!" (How many times have I heard that!) (But I got wise quick, don't worry about that one--it did lead to some um..loud discussions, though)

It sounds like your DH and mine have quite a bit in common, although they are at different points now. I hope things get easier for you....