Thursday, June 19, 2008

Hard to know what to say...

Well, DH has worked all week again. And it hasn't really gone "wonderfully" for him, he's come home the last three days very depressed. The first time was because his "boss" reminded him that when the maintenance work gets caught up, he might not be coming in every day...

Yesterday, he had no idea why he was depressed, but he was.

And today, the task he was working on was difficult, and it was taking him longer than he thought it would. So he was very depressed about that, thinking that he's "a worthless piece of ****" and "good for nothing"....

And I don't know what to say.

I've been working at one job I hate and one job I'd rather not do, for, well, one job, I've been there 18 years, and the part time job, I've been doing that over 2 years now....so his "problems" seem so trivial to me.

To the first day's 'problem' I want to say, "It was just a gentle reminder. She didn't say "we don't want you around here." She didn't say "We hate your work." And she didn't hint at that either. So what's the big deal? (I know to him it's a big deal, but jeez, when you work, people are constantly saying things that you don't really like, and you can't come home and let it get you all down, unless it's something like "you're fired", LOL. So what do I say? "I hope tomorrow will be better. Maybe you're just tired."

To the second day's depression, what I wanted to say was, "I don't think you're ready to work full time. You've basically been in bed for two years straight, and taking the jump to full time employment might not be the wisest choice." But what I said was, "Why don't you take a nap and see if that helps?" And he did, and it did.

To today's depressive episode, I didn't have a clue how to respond. If someone besides DH had asked me, I would've said that this maintenance job is beyond his abilities. And there's nobody there to train him. But I couldn't say that to DH, after so long without any job, and now he's excited and going to work....I don't know how to handle it. If I try to suggest that maybe this isn't the dream job he thought it would be, I'll either be showing that I have no confidence in him, or telling him that he's no good. So do I pretend, then? Of course I do. Sigh.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. Maybe there's a book at the library that can help?"


perphila said...

Ahhh memories...:) I used to hear that whole "I'm worthless" stuff all the time. Also, when my husband was fixing something or doing something that wasn't going the way he wanted or it wasn't as easy as he thought it would be the object would be " a piece of s**t." Or something along those lines. Even though he was down on himself a lot he most often than not blamed others or objects for his own mistakes instead of trying to fix the problem. Must be nice...:)