Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Financial Worries

Well, after two years of bipolar madness, my husband has gone to work at 8am every day this week. He has told me that his "boss" is easy to get along with and likes his work. That gives me quite a bit of hope, because I am certain that I can't get out of this financial trap unless he earns some money. But the big "if" is "if he shares it with me." For a while, after he'd lost the good-paying job, when the bipolar all started, he'd found another job, and was working all the time, but when he got paid, he spent all of his check on eating out and new tattoos and drinking. And I never got any of it. Back then, it didn't matter to me, because I had my own money, and I just figured if he wanted to not pay his bills, that was his problem. I didn't realize at the time that those two loans had my name on them. And I hadn't charged up a fortune on my credit cards to save his sorry you know what.

So now, here I am. The price of gas is going so far up it's unbelievable. And even before that happened, financially, I had no "wiggle room". So I guess, in more ways than one, this "job" of his, could be a huge blessing. It would sure be nice to be able to pay off some of these bills. It'd be nice to put some aside for the propane. In August I'd like to have about $1000 so that we'll have heat for at least most of the winter. If DH shares some of his newfound wealth, it might be possible. And we need a roof so bad. I've asked DH several times to measure things and make a list of what we need, so I know if it's even within the realm of possibility this summer (probably not, but I feel like I've got to find a way, because the roof will be a whole lot more expensive if it leaks or worse yet, falls down!) Well, I know that we've been taken care of so far, hopefully things will just work out.

How cool it would be, if I had, say, $300 extra every month. $300 to pay extra on the credit cards, or put away for propane or the roof....it's very fun to imagine. You know, sometimes I think back to before this all started, and I thought we didn't have any money, but if I had kept such a tight rein on things like I do now, we'd be sitting really pretty. So I guess the hard times are a good teacher. I mean, when you have plenty of money, you don't have as much incentive to learn new and improved ways to cut back and still be comfortable....

I guess it would be better than not, even, if DH earned a bunch of money, didn't share it with me, but bought his own cigarettes and pop and gas....that would be quite a savings for me right there. Baby steps, Carol, baby steps...


perphila said...

I am finding debt is debt no matter what name is attached to it when your married. My husband has so much debt now because if his reckless spending and no matter how I try to tell the lawyers and courts that the debts were not of my making I am told over and over that it is marital debt and I am responsible for half. When I started this divorce process even though I didn't want one it was to protect what was left of our finances and to protect the kids. The process hasn't helped at all. He was able and still continues to hurt us in money issues as well as emotionally. I used to dream about winning the lottery for fun. Things I could pay off and save for the future. Because of the divorce I don't even dream about that now because he would get half...*sigh*