Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Remind me again why I did this?

You know, during all this time, when DH has been so unstable, DD's therapist and I have given thanks for the fact that she is stable for the time being. It was almost a miracle, her behaviors really settled down right as DH's got out of hand. I don't know how I could have handled two of them being out of control at once, that's for sure.

I don't think I've specifically told you what DD's disabilities are, she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Which basically means that she can have little insight into the consequences of her behavior, and also that she can be very defiant beyond what a normal kid would be. And you would have thought that while DH was at his worst, the insecurity of all that would've caused DD to act up, but the exact opposite happened. For about a year, she was almost a "normal" kid. She didn't get suspended from school, no angry parents stormed over to our house because she choked their kid, she passed all of her classes, and all was well. I guess I kind of got lulled into complacency.

DH has been more stable since starting the Lithium than he has been in probably two years. So now, apparently, it is DD's turn. I wrote about her tantrum yesterday about not being allowed to go to her bio mom's. Well, after she apologized to me for that, she managed to call her bio mom and tell the bio mom that "Carol says I can NEVER visit you again. Why? Because she said so. And she says that I don't deserve anything for my birthday either. And she wouldn't let me call you."

(The part about me not letting her call her bio mom is true, because I knew what she was planning on saying. But of course that part wasn't mentioned.)

Needless to say, bio mom was a little upset, and she has a rather low intellectual capacity, so it didn't really occur to her that maybe this matter should not involve DD but should involve the adults....so she said a bunch of choice things to DD about me, and of course DD says "Guess what? My "real" mom said you're (blah blah). And then bio mom called and was very cross with me. It didn't take a lot of thought to figure out what happened and patched things up with the bio mom. I then was clobbered by the realization that after DD had apologized for throwing a tantrum regarding this, she still told lies and did her best to get me in trouble. That doesn't make for a happy mom, for sure.

And to top it off, today was her birthday. I had bought her a few things from the thrift store, although I had told her when we went to the zoo that that was her birthday present....anyhow, she didn't even pretend to enjoy them and got upset that we didn't get her a skateboard (to understand the stupidity of the skateboard idea you need to know that we live in the country, on a dirt road, with no sidewalks, and a dirt driveway--so there was no point in wasting money on a skateboard). I'm having a tough time remaining civil to her. Luckily we meet with the therapist on Wednesday, because I think if I had to wait much longer, I might lose my temper.