Sunday, April 6, 2008

Could this day be any sadder?

Sorry for the title there, but my day was not a cheerful one at all. First of all, DH has some kind of stomach bug (I hope) and hasn't been able to keep anything (including the Lithium) down all day. He's really dizzy and I haven't seen him this miserable in years. I'm worried that it's either a side effect of the larger dose of Lithium, or even if it's not, he basically didn't get ANY Lithium today, because he threw it all up, so what will tomorrow be like? And how terrible would that be if, the Lithium is really making him better but he can't take it because it makes him sick? I don't think I could stand it.

And today was the "open house" for my long-time veterinarian. (See post here for more information).
I found out why he's leaving, and I completely understand. He wants to live in the country. That's it in a nutshell. He's going to be a country vet, large and small animals of all kinds. I hope his small town recognizes him for the gem he is. I almost started to cry when I started talking with him--my voice had that tremble in it....I was so close to losing composure and that would've been rather embarrassing with a gazillion other people there, too....he seemed genuinely happy to see me, and he looked like he was going to give me a big hug, too, but since I'm on the shy side and stuff, I didn't want to be wrong and majorly overstep some boundary, so I held out my hand instead. I had managed to take two really cute pictures of Charlie Meow and put them in a card for Dr. S., along with a letter kind of telling him the same things I told you in the other post, and that I know a person has to follow their dreams...I'd like to think he'd send me a thank you or something for the pictures, but I don't really know what the etiquette is for this sort of thing, so maybe not. I got done talking with him and went out to my car, I cried half the way home (and it's a 90 mile trip). I have talked to other people who understand what I'm feeling, but I'm not even sure I understand it. I mean, I've gone for MONTHS and maybe even a year or two once or twice without ever seeing him or talking to him, so why am I so upset about him leaving to follow a dream? After all, it's the same dream I had. I moved from the city to the country shortly before DH and I got married. And I would never go back (most days anyhow). So I really don't completely understand why I'm so down, but I am.

And if that wasn't enough, DD had another tantrum because she won't be allowed to go to her "real mom's" tomorrow. She told me I'm not her mom and I need to quit acting like it. And I told her that wasn't going to change things, she wasn't going and that was that. So she picked up the phone to call her "real mom" to tell her what a bit** I am and I told her that if she made that phone call, she'd be guaranteed to not be able to see her "real mom" at all tomorrow. (We had planned a supervised visit for a couple of hours.) I just want to tell her to shut her stupid mouth. (ok, yes, I'm still mad.) But of course I didn't. I just told her I love her and it is not her job to decide things like that, it is up to the grown ups. And she says "You don't even care about what's good for me! You always say you want what's best for me, but I want to go there and you won't let me!!!" And I said, "When you were 8, what you wanted was not always what was right for you and sometimes it still isn't. Sorry." And I know that her bio mom is feeding her all sorts of ideas about how mean we are, and it tears DD apart and she takes it out on us. But I'm still mad, LOL....it just didn't go well with the "sad" that was already there from earlier.
And of course, DH couldn't stand up for me, because he was busy being sick. Jim just shook his head after she shut the door in my face and said "I don't know how you stayed so calm. I wanted to smack her just listening to her talk to you like that." Argh.

And THEN....if all that wasn't enough, I checked my favorite local news website and learned that my favorite weatherman was abruptly terminated in a "reduction in force" by the TV station. First my vet, now my weatherman.....ok, well, I don't really have any ownership of either of them but jeez.....when it rains, it pours, right? (weather cliche intended, LOL)


perphila said...

I read this and had a hundred thoughts and things to say but I dunno if it means much. My kids therapists say the yelling shows they feel comfortable enough to voice what they are feeling. As long as I set the limits and not change them or let their actions dictate my decisions it is ok. The fact you stayed calm and stuck by your guns was wondeful. I would be fustrated and angry too. As well as hurt. Only time will let her know what being a "real" mom means.
Have you thought about calling the doctor about what to do if DH can't keep the lithium down due to illness? It is a good question and one I hadn't thought of either. It may not help this time but you will at least have a backup plan for next time. After all life is throwing up time to time...:)