You know, one of the hard things is...

That I can see reality and he can't.
Tonite, for example, he says "My back is hurting more than it has in a long time."
(Please refer to this post, or the beginning of this blog, to read about the relationship DH's back pain has to his depression.) (And I am hoping and praying that he doesn't go to the hospital again...)

So I said, "It's no wonder, you've been so depressed these last few days." And he says, "Well, I'm sure it's at least 90% physical, because my back really hurts bad and I'm not making it up."

Me: "I know you're not making it up, but that doesn't mean that the pain doesn't get worse when you're more depressed."

Him: "Well, you might be right, but I don't think so." "I've been taking my pain-killers and Ibuprofen and it isn't doing anything at all."

Sometimes I just want to shake him and say "CAN'T YOU SEE IT???? EVERY TIME YOU ARE DEPRESSED, YOUR BACK HURTS. EVEN DD CAN SEE THE RELATIONSHIP THERE, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAN'T."

but i don't, because his illness is his illness and part of it is not being in touch with reality. That's something I never understood before. The loss of touch with reality. I always thought that (for instance), a depressed person is sad all the time and maybe lays around a lot and cries a lot. But I didn't know about the ways that mental illness can wreak havoc with your reality, even if a person is making perfect sense, the way they look at the world is just not right. And that's something I really struggle with all the time, HE sees himself as a normal-thinking, normal-acting person and everything he does makes perfect sense. But it only makes sense to him.