Friday, March 14, 2008

Riding the roller coaster of bipolar

Well, I thought that this post was going to be a very hopeful and good post!

Here are some things that have been going on with DH and me in the last couple of days:

1) He has started to be willing to drink water(!) Can you believe that? And when he is drinking pop, he's been willing to have me buy the .67 2-liter bottles from WalMart, instead of the $4.50 12-packs from the C-store. Way, way cool and easy on the budget, too!

2) DH may have gotten a real job!! Driving a truck full of Anhydrous Ammonia (used in fertilizer, I think) in our rural area. It's a seasonal job, but he was told that he "could start in April, if he wants to." So that is extremely promising!

3) He cleaned up all the pop cans out of the yard. Between those and the ones that actually made it into the recycling, he got $67 for cashing them in and was very proud of the fact that I didn't have to buy him cigs. Me too!!!!

4) Several times this week, things have happened that normally would have provoked a mood swing or "That Guy" to come out. And DH managed to stay calm and also keep his sense of humor too. Just like a normal DH!!! One of those times involved DH's new contact lenses, he had quite a bit of trouble putting them in, and instead of having a mood swing, he just said "I'm really frustrated right now" but he didn't get that cold "That Guy" sound in his voice, and as soon as he did get the contacts in, he was absolutely fine and kind of excited. All the emotions that I saw him experience were what I would say very normal considering what was going on at the time.

5) DH expressed an interest in my "needs" and how I "deserve" to do something for myself once in a while.

6) He cleaned the entire house.

And on a rather unrelated note, Jim offered to buy DH a new-to-him car. But I won't believe that until it's actually bought...

So all in all, it's been a very good week, and I'm very inclined to think that the increased dose of Effexor is doing something. And I'm very excited about that!!!

But then tonite he called and he's back down again. He's so depressed he went for a drive and he's still depressed. Because he is having trouble putting in his new contacts in again. Only this time, "That Guy" came out and told him he can't do anything right. So he called me up, and he's so depressed I can barely understand a word he's saying :-(

And then he told me that he and Jim had an argument about Jim not letting the dogs out. (so does that mean no car? LOL) I've come to the conclusion that it's Jim's not-very-smart-or-helpful way of trying to get DH to do something he should be doing, instead of assuming someone else will take care of it, which has pretty much been his approach towards everything in the last year or so. But DH doesn't see that, and I'm hoping he tries to ask Jim about it when he's in a better place, so they can get past this....

I told him to take a Lorazepam and try to get himself back to a "good" place, and he told me he would, then when I called him back an hour later, he still hadn't done anything. I'm really angry at bipolar right now, everything was going so good!!!!

But....his therapist did find out that DH qualifies for a "Mental Health Worker" through the county at no cost to us....I don't really know how that works, since we have insurance....anyhow, supposedly this person is going to help DH get going on a lot of the things he hasn't been getting around to. That's hopeful, too.

Well, there you go, another day (or two) on the bipolar roller coaster.....I just wish I could get off and stand on solid ground for a while....


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you have had a good couple of days. I love your line
when you said you want to get off
the roller coaster & just be on solid ground. Of course we all do.
Hang in there...

perphila said...

I have been away from the pc for a few days and look at everything I missed! I hate the rollercoaster too. I thought with my husband gone it would get better but it's worse. I know what you are feeling and I don't know if it helps you or not but when I read your posts no matter how bad things seem there feels like there is hope there. It seems he is trying his best but the disorder is such a big mountain to climb. I am praying for you.