Sunday, March 23, 2008

Make it go away

Well, I guess it's about time I told you what's been on my mind lately.

DH, by the way, has been more stable than he has been in months, and the depression is gone. He had a panic attack today, but no mood swings, and in general, I am confident that the Lithium has been helping big time.

But here's my thing: Last week, my boss at my part time job called me up and told me that they want me to work full time overnights for them. It's only 4 miles away from home. I was and am really excited about the prospect. And it's not hard work at all. And I really like the people I work for. In our economically depressed small town, a full time job is a big deal. They are very hard to come by. There are people who have worked at the local Hardees and the convenience stores for 15+ years, that's what it's like here, and that's why I drive 2 hours to my "main" job. Odds are, that whoever gets this job will keep it for years.

But, the thing is, I'm very sad to say, this job also pays half of what my "main" job pays. Now, some of that could be made up in reduced commuting costs, but the bottom line is, it's a huge pay cut. I am agonizing over this. There is no way I can quit my "main" job. Things are just too tight. So I've been mulling the possibility of me working both jobs full time for a while, but I don't think I can do it. I hate this. I've been hesitating to blog about it, because the more I think about it, the clearer it becomes to me that it isn't a realistic option right now. But I so much want it to be.....why on earth couldn't this have come up a month from now, when DH was doing even better than he is now, maybe even working, and I've had a chance to pay off some of these bills, argh. And I don't know for sure how the medical insurance is, and what kind of mental health coverage they have...that could be a deal-breaker no matter what. I have been hoping this job would open up....I just didn't want it to happen now.....and I also hate to let them down, they really want me to take it. But I don't think there's any way they could double my pay :-(


Pann said...

oh - that's really a tough decision. The commute versus the pay.

I know things are very tight in your budget: consider though the cost of gas, too. It will keep going up.

perphila said...

I have a friend who was in the same kind of situation. Her husband is bipolar and also an addict. He has periods where he works and helps out then he gets depressive and winds up unemployed again. He was working and doing well and she had a job where she worked long hours and all the school vacations. She chose to quit that job to one that was a cut in pay and less hours so she could have more time with her son. The bills were finally getting paid and she purchased a aused car they desperately needed because of the commute to her job. Winter came and he again lost his job, crashed the new car, was arrested, nearly died from an overdose from the meds for his illness. She has stuck to the new job but is now is worse shape than ever. Sometimes she misses the money she was making. Especially when they had no running water for almost a year. He is better again and is starting a new job next week. He loves his family but is really struggling. Just know that if you do change jobs that you know that no matter what you will make sure bills get paid. Just how long that might take might change. If this job make you happier that should be a huge part of your decision. You deserve happiness too.