Sunday, March 9, 2008

Is it the Effexor?

Hi again!
If you remember, a few weeks ago, maybe three, the nurse practitioner that prescribes DH's meds decided that his depression merited an increase in his Effexor CR. At the time, and up to right about now, things have been tough. Lots of lying in bed (him, LOL) and lots of him thinking about how worthless he is and how I'd be better off without him.

Cut to yesterday, it was a very nice day!!!

The first thing that happened was, DH decided to take DD car shopping. (Did I hear you go "oh no, how could that possibly go well?") He called me and asked me if he could take some money out of my change jar for gas. I started to do the "oh no, here we go again" thing in my head, and I told him this: "No, that change jar is only for emergencies. A car is not an emergency. You've got a vehicle. Two, actually. (it sounds like the car that was "totalled" might be fixable) And I don't think that you should go car shopping. You are going to go to that car lot, see something you like, get 'new car fever' and want it really bad. Then, when I tell you no, we can't afford that, you will get angry with me." I expected some kind of argument, it just seems like the way things go when DH wants to spend money in a stupid way, but he said, "ok, we'll just go get a movie (the movie store rents movies for a dollar)." Wow.

As if that wasn't enough, I took the night off from work, as I had to get up early today to attend my nephew's 3rd birthday party. So I was driving home, and I called DH and told him I needed to get cat and dog food at WalMart (30 miles away from home, but on the way home from work). He said "Well, maybe we could go together, after DD is in bed." I thought that was weird. He hasn't willingly gone anywhere with me like that for probably a year. No exaggeration.

But, I bypassed WalMart (knowing that an extra trip to WalMart was going to cost two gallons of gas) and went on home anyhow. I got DD into bed, and DH still wanted to go with me. So we left DD a note in case she woke up, and locked up, and left. On the way there, the conversation was very pleasant. We got to WalMart, and I was mildly dreading "That Guy" showing up and wanting to go shopping....especially after the car lot thing. It was very clear that DH still has no control over his wants and needs, holy cow! Every stupid thing that looked like it was on sale was something we suddenly needed. Cereal (so he could eat it dry in bed again). Toothpaste. Fitness water (yes--if you knew how fit both of us are, you would laugh even more). We set out to pick out a birthday present for the birthday boy. We settled on coloring books and crayons. The thing is, that DH wanted to buy about a dozen jumbo coloring books for the kid, and a HUGE carton of crayons. So I had to have him put some of the coloring books back, and finally convinced him nicely that a three year old is not going to be needing six different shades of "light blue". LOL. But it was fun, because he had a good humor about it all. Like he knew that he needed my help with this stuff, and he was ok with that. And not only was he ok with it, he found his troubles kind of amusing. And that made it fun. Just like my "real" DH.

We left WalMart with exactly what we had gone there for: pet food, pop, and two pairs of $10 jeans for DH (the thrift store where I had been buying his jeans for $1.99 and $2.99 a pair had suddenly decided that someone might actually pay $14.99 for a USED pair of jeans). So WalMart suddenly was a bargain. That was fun...

Then on the way home, DH said to me: "I've got to find some ways to spend time with DD. I haven't been a very good father." That was an astonishing revelation, coming from him. It was a very fun evening. I really wanted to let my guard down, but after all this time, I know better than to think that this kind of thing will keep on.

Then today, I could tell things weren't as great as they were yesterday, but here's something incredible: Next week, DH is going to lead the Spenders meeting, as the regular leader is having surgery. So DH met with the leader of the Spenders group and got the literature, and the materials and the key to the church where the meetings are held. And a little advice on how to lead the meeting. I think this will be great for his self esteem, by the way....anyhow, DH said this: "he (the leader) gave me the folder with all the materials in it. And when I opened the one book, there was a bunch of cash in there from the collection basket, I think. So I told him that I wasn't comfortable with that cash, and could he please keep it, as I still have temptations and don't want to let him down."

Now isn't that cool?

I'm so glad that some days are good like these. You must be just as crazy as I am with all these ups and downs, I don't know what's going on for real half the time!!! Anyhow, I was thinking that maybe the additional Effexor could be bringing about a change. I'm really really hoping for it, the possibility that it could be his med causing this is more hopeful than just thinking it's a fluke. Cross your fingers, ok?


Anonymous said...

Wow I'm so glad that you had a good
day, for a change. And hope it keeps going this way you deserve it.