Sunday, May 4, 2008

He thought of me.

Well, yet another of Jim's myriad of tax refunds arrived in the mail, and he and DH went to cash it. Jim apparently gave DH some money and DH put gas in his car.

But that's not all, as you can tell from the title.

DH came home with a little tub of tuna macaroni salad from the deli at the grocery store and a container of tapioca pudding (my favorite). I probably should've been dismayed because neither of those are in the budget, they're both rather expensive compared to ramen and hot dogs....but that's the first time in a year and a half that he's thought of me instead of himself. The first time in ages that he did something nice for me without sobbing to me about how I'd be better off if he was dead. The first actual deposit into his far overdrawn "love bank" in ages.

I'm getting my husband back, I think, little by little. I hope there continue to be more of these kinds of days to outweigh the bad kind....I'm finding that now that he's doing better, my frustration level with the bad days seems to be worse. I get more disgusted, more angry, more resentful. So, even knowing that the bad days seem worse now than they did before, even though logically that's not true, instead of wallowing in self pity like I tend to do, I am going to sit down, eat my "gifts" and wallow in hope.


Pann said...

Remember the taste of tapioca next time a bad day comes...