Trying to get back to hopeful....

Hi everyone, I'm still here....still a little angry at the "rest of the world" for not understanding, but in my brain, I know I can't really blame them....anyhow, I had two thoughts today....that kind of made me think, and had nothing to do with bipolar at all...LOL

First, I had a dream that DD was getting married. And I woke up all panicky because I didn't know if I could wear the "Mother of the Bride" dress, or if her bio mom would be the only one who could do that (not that she would, LOL)...anyhow, it was a big deal in my dream. And it wasn't helped by the fact that bio mom has been lying to us and instructing DD to lie to us, too. DD has now been forbidden to have unsupervised visits with bio mom under any circumstances. I get so mad, and I have to remember that the bio mom's IQ is very low....that helps me not be so angry, because she doesn't think like a rational, considerate, person....

Anyhow, the other thing that struck me was this: I was looking up the phone number of a childhood friend of mine, not really sure if she'd gotten divorced or what her name might be these days, so I started to look up her parents' phone number, and it struck me that even though her parents are still in their 40's in my brain, they very well could have passed on or be very feeble by now, and it kind of freaked me out, thinking that, because in my mind, I am still 20 years old and all of my friends are, too. And my mom, despite her health problems, is not 78, she's 45. People don't age in my mind, until I start to think about things. And I realized that my friend's parents, if they are still alive, are about 75 years old now and it is hard to get my mind around that. Because nobody in my world, especially me, was ever going to get old. Getting old was some kind of disease that you got if you weren't paying attention. And I wasn't going to get that disease and neither was anyone I know. Ha Ha. Looks like my junior high way of thinking is about due for a reboot. I know you're probably thinking to yourself "how dumb is this chick, anyhow?" but I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't think about people getting old when they aren't around you every day....you know? I think about some of my grade school teachers and when I realize that most of them are probably gone now, that has the same effect on me. I know, weird....