Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Rambling To and Fro...

Well, I had a great Mother's Day, and yesterday was great, too. DH was very much his "old self" and he finally went to his appointment with the nurse practitioner who prescribes his meds. She thinks he is not yet on enough Lithium. That we are seeing big changes from what he is on, but it's not enough to get rid of most of the bad days. So on Friday, assuming his blood levels are all right, he will go from taking 600 mg Lithium twice a day to taking 900 mg Lithium twice a day. We'll see what that does...she also decided that he should keep taking the same amount of Seroquel, but instead of taking some of it in the morning, he should take most of it at bedtime. She is hoping that will a) get him on a day/night schedule more, and b) relax him enough before bed to where he can wear the CPAP, which will improve his awakeness, too.

So that was all very hopeful, and once again, if this much Lithium is this good, I'm hoping that even more will be even better....

But....and maybe this is all me this time....I have a weird feeling today. Nothing I can put my finger on, but I feel weird. DH called me, said he feels good. He got a TON of stuff done today, since he got up at 11am, and had daytime hours to get things done with....so maybe that's the Seroquel thing taking hold....who knows....anyhow, there's something in his voice that is somehow making me think that things could get "bad" again really fast. So I'm being wary. I think it kind of feels weird to have him be getting all this stuff done, as I don't know if he's manic, or if he's "back to normal." I guess time will tell....and even if there's a "bad" day, I'll just tell myself that this weekend, with the new Lithium dose, should be very good.

Oh--and he went to see his therapist, too....his therapist, I guess, lectured him about sabotaging his recovery--sleeping through appointments, etc., and also told DH that no man who can walk and breathe, even in a bad economy, could go 9 months of "trying hard" to find a job and not get one. He pretty much told DH that DH isn't trying hard enough to find a job. I agree but didn't say anything about that, because DH, in his "normal" state, would have no trouble seeing the truth in that himself. I don't need to rub salt in the wounds by pointing out that I agree.

One of the things DH did today was figure out why our riding lawn mower wasn't working (the solenoid?). He went to the house of a guy in town who repairs lawnmowers and got a solenoid, and while he was there, the guy said he has a very nice riding lawn mower for $300. Even well before this, even last fall, I had been thinking we really needed something different, as ours is ALWAYS broken, but I don't have $300. I told DH that I can't do anything until we get our "economic stimulus" check, hopefully we are supposed to get that this week. He told me that he could have Jim pay for it and I could pay him back. And I said, "NO. I AM NOT GOING TO OWE JIM ONE MORE DIME. EVERY TIME HE SPENDS MONEY ON US OR LOANS YOU MONEY OR WHATEVER GIVES HIM MORE LEEWAY TO STAY LONGER, UNTIL I CAN PAY IT BACK. I DO NOT WANT THAT AT ALL. JIM HAS TO GO. HE IS STRESSING ME OUT TO NO END. I WANT MY LIVING ROOM BACK. DD HAS ALSO POINTED OUT THAT SHE IS SICK OF HIM. NO. NO. NO. NO MORE HELP FROM JIM."

And, LOL, DH said "I understand." And I don't think I told you all, but I told DH on Monday, that if Jim is not gone by July 1, I am going to gently tell him he needs to leave. DH said he didn't think Jim would still be here by then. I told him we didn't think Jim would still be here last November. I am so sick of these weird family dynamics. DH and I were going to go for a drive together to figure out how to handle a problem with DD. And Jim just comes running up..."You're going someplace? I'll be right there!" ARGH. He is wonderful. But I get closer to losing my temper with him every day.

On the upside, we've got 3 hens sitting on eggs now...I love baby chicks, so I hope they all do good!! And I'm getting so hopeful with DH, that I've started getting excited about things that I used to enjoy, that I had really really put aside while we were in crisis. I started looking at ads for wallpaper and linoleum and other relatively cheap ways to fix up your home and I got all excited, just like I used to, back when things were normal....when I realized that it shouldn't be too long before things are more normal than ever, I got really happy.

Oh--and Mrs. Bun is still doing pretty good. She seems pretty skinny, but she's as active as ever, and her appetite is good. When we get our stimulus check, I think I'll bring her to the vet (an hour away and very expensive) just to know for sure what is going on, although, based on her age and all, I'm pretty sure I already know.

And last but not least, please say prayers for the people whose homes were destroyed by tornadoes this week, as well as for the people of Myanmar, that they can receive some of the relief that they need after the cyclone, and also for the thousands of people affected by the earthquake in China. It seems like so many people are living through devastating disasters, sometimes when you think of what they've lost, you realize what you have.