Well, it was a long weekend, for sure! On Friday, my mom and I took the 2 hour drive to my dad's grave, and, of course, we HAD to stop at McDonald's (my mom's favorite place)! Then on Saturday, I slept and then worked all night, got home at 8:45am, slept until 11, then went with DH and DD to a family barbecue. We got back just in time for me to head back to work, so thank goodness for coffee!!!
Anyhow, I think you all were right about him testing me. Every day since then, he's done his chore (more or less anyhow)....even today, when he was mad at Kirby (this time BOTH for peeing in the laundry room and for ripping up the garbage), he still said he went out and got all the junk off the deck, which was his chore for today.
(A little off-topic, but I think Kirby has been feeling better (hence the trash-digging). He's been walking around more, and his tail wags more....not sure what's going on, but I know every day is a blessing...)
On Monday, DH showed me how to run the wood-splitter. I told him that I needed to learn that so that we would have wood this winter, as I don't think I'm strong enough to split an entire winter's worth of wood with an axe. So he showed me how to start it up, how to do it all. And then he confessed to me that he knows why I want to know, but it makes him feel insecure because it's one more thing that I don't need him for. I didn't know how to respond to that. Clearly, "That Guy" wasn't there, and DH still wants to do right. I just have to find ways to have that happen and I need to not take things so personally. Easier said, than done, of course.
I love my DH. So much. And want to divorce "That Guy". So much.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
He's been trying harder....
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4 comments:
I feel like I understand you so much.
I love my Hubbins so much but I want to divorce all those F'ing spasms and pressure sores and dysreflexia. I can't take the roller coaster up and down with his health. Not knowing if he will have a stroke or wake up with sepsis or something awful. It's killing me and the reality is I do have to do everything and it's killing him.
I try when I can to talk to him, the man I fell in love with, not the bitter quad who feels useless. I try to explain to him that I know it must be so much worse going through all that pain and fear. But there's only so much I can take. It makes me feel so selfish and like maybe I am kicking him when he is down and for stuff he can't control.
Do you ever feel like that?
I'm so glad Kirby has more energy. It's hard to feel good when you know your pets are suffering.
The wood splitter thing warmed my heart a little towards DH. It's so hard to remember DH sometimes.
Maybe the wood is something you could together. I imagine it's a little hard to talk over the machine, so y'all could spend some focused and uncomplicated time together. No need for conversation, just to complete a common goal together could be beneficial. And then you have wood and maybe feel a little refreshed with each other.
I'm glad Kirby is feeling better.
I was thinking about your frustrating situation with your DH and I wondered if he might feel like he has more control in your household if you were to choose his chores together. That way, he'd feel like his input was important but you'd have veto power in case he wanted to do something non-productive, like putting together the bed in your DD's room that you wrote about in one of your older posts.
It's easy to love the person while hating the disease. That's why I suggested you attend a few Al-Anon meetings. It's not exclusively for the loved ones of alcoholics and you might find some support there and a few ideas for making your life easier.
I was so glad to read about Kirby. I think that must be so good for you right now. Am also glad that DH is behaving for now, and understand about the love thing completely. Often feel like that with my daughter. Its like living with two different people , and just to see the familiar one is such bliss, often I try to hang on to those times and let them sustain me through the rough patches. Hope you can do that too.
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