Friday, May 22, 2009

Clean the counter.

That was today's chore...you know, the one chore that I was going to put on his to-do list....? I wanted to make sure he'd succeed, so I didn't request anything strenuous at all....

So for today, his chore was "clean the counter."

I just got a phone call. It's 3am. "I keep falling asleep. Would you be mad at me if I didn't clean the counter until tomorrow?"

Can you believe it? Probably, most of you can, unfortunately.

Yes, I'm mad. I'm disgusted. And I recognize that getting mad at someone when they "can't stay awake" won't be productive. But I did say this:

"You are already, after three days, falling back into your same old patterns. Like when you take all the laundry out of the dryer, say "I'll fold it tomorrow", then a week later, it's still not folded, and cats have been sleeping on it, so I have to wash it all over again." "I live in a house where neither you nor DD ever does what you're supposed to do when you are supposed to do it." "And I am going to say this. You had all day to clean that counter. You are too tired now. But if it doesn't get cleaned tomorrow, I WILL be angry." (and in my brain "and you won't believe HOW angry) (but I didn't say that part out loud.)

I am tired of this. But I will tell him that when he is "alert". I recognize that he is trying to change his sleep cycle to a normal one....he should not even be awake at 3am....

How on earth can he even entertain the thought of having a job, when he can't do one simple thing, like clean the counter? When he has at least 18 hours to do it in????


Miz Kizzle said...

He's testing you. What repercussions are there if he doesn't do his chore du jour? None. I'm not saying you should boot him to the curb for failing o clean the counter but that an example of him just not caring and, I suspect, a FU for you telling him to get out the other day. I think he's angry at you for not handing over money whenever he asks for it and for complaining about his failure to pitch in around the house and this was a passive aggressive way of showing it.
I've noticed that sick people generally aren't saintly. They resent those of us who are well and because they feel crappy they last out at innocent bystanders.
You've gotten into the position of being like his mom and he's like a child who's always needing but not giving back. Telling you he loves you doesn't mean squat when he plays the sort of games he's been playing. I guarantee that if his chore for the day was to pick up a pencil and move it four inches to the left he wouldn't do it.

Elizabeth B. Alexander said...

I do think Miz Kizzle has a point. The sick role is a hard one to break and easy to fall into. How do you break it without turning passive aggressive? I wish I still had that Medical Socoiology book.

There has to be a way that he can feel some control over his life again, even if in some small way. Though I'm mostly dependent on my husband, I have my kitchen and our meals. It's what I know I can focus on when I can't on anything else.

Cupcake Mama said...

I thought the same thing as Mrs. Kizzle. He's testing.

I was also thinking about the bipolar people in my life, I am not a doctor, nor do I know very much about it...but my Uncle has it and he is the opposite. He's always wanting to help my Aunt but he does weird things like feed the cat but in a shoe and stuff like that. She never wants his help because it ends up being more work for her.

My little sister is bipolar...there's my baby sister and then there's the bitchy sister. The bitchy sister still does things but she will cuss and complain the whole time and when she's my baby sister she just loves everyone and everyone is grrrreat.

My friends sister in law has it and she gets violent and she has this weird thing about eating anywhere but her house because of the pans? yeah...I dunno.

But the thing they all have in common is they NEVER ask about something. It's like they can't control what they do.

Seems your hubs may just be pushing it because he can. Sorry.

Karen said...

Agree. He's testing. Like a child, he is trying to see hwo far he can push you. Try to stand firm now. The illness is no excuse. Despite what he may think , there is a whole world out there, and while you aretrying to hold it all together, both of you are missing out on what could be at least bearable, if not good.