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Friday, March 27, 2009

Responding to a comment or two...

I just wanted to respond to a couple of comments here on the blog, because I'm never sure if people check back to see if I respond in the "comments" section....

First, can I sell the truck or the 4-wheeler? Not yet. The 4-wheeler was bought brand new, off the showroom floor, it has undoubtedly depreciated since then. I believe that if I could find a willing buyer in this economy, it might sell for a little less than is owed on it, I would probably have to come up with a thousand dollars or so. And the truck, I call it the truck payment, but what it is, is when DH was doing most of his spending, he maxed out his overdraft line of credit for one of his checking accounts, so the credit union offered to "lend him the money to clear that up" by using his already paid off truck as collateral. It was very sad, the overdraft/truck loan was actually about twice what the blue book value was on the truck at the time, because DH and I both had very good credit (this was before he completely stopped paying for anything). Then, when he bounced all those checks on his credit union account (which didn't have overdraft protection) and when the credit union closed his checking account, they "tacked on" the balance of the bounced checks, plus fees, onto the "truck" loan.

So, if all that was rather confusing, basically, I/we owe quite a bit more on the truck than it is worth. Lately I've even been asking myself if maybe it wouldn't just be better to let them go back to the credit union, but then I think I'd still end up being responsible for the difference between what the credit union got for them and what is owed. So I guess right now, I'm kind of stuck. I frequently fantasize about going in to the credit union and telling them what is going on, and seeing if maybe they could make an adjustment, but so far the thought of them saying "no" holds me back from actually doing that.

And the disability. DH believes that he is "fine". I can clearly see that that isn't the case, but he doesn't see that. So he did talk to Family Services about how to find someone to help him get on disability, and they told him he should probably sign up with a case worker. And he didn't want to do that, because, I think, it would be like admitting that he's mentally ill. So he "decided" that he'd just get a job instead. Then he sat around waiting for a job to show up. Sigh.

And to the person who asked "Is there any way you can make a deal with him to groom the dog and pay him $20 or so?"....well, what usually happens when I do that is, DH likes the idea and I feel like I'm getting something for my money besides just flushing it down the toilet....then....after the excitement wears off, DH doesn't get around to it, then he runs out of cigs, or pop, then I become the "bad guy", because I won't help him out RIGHT NOW. And I "should know that he'll do it as soon as he can have another smoke". Then nothing happens. Then, I end up feeling like I got ripped off and it makes me more angry. So yes, I think it's a great idea. But it seems like it doesn't often work like I'd hope.

Oh--and I am still feeling discouraged. Today when I was driving home from work at 6:45am, I called DH to make sure he got DD on the bus. I asked him if he was wide awake, I asked him if he needed me to call him back...."No, I'm up. I'm going to go have a cigarette and some coffee." So when I got home at 7:45am, DD greets me at the door. No, of course DH didn't wake her up. So then I have to give her a ride to school. Made me even more angry. It seems like it's all up to me. And there are three people (DH, DD and Mom) who need me to take care of EVERYTHING. And even when DH says he can do something, he will do something, it doesn't happen. Today I think that if I had any money, I would've went on a mini-vacation, somewhere where I could "get away from it all" for a few days. But the farthest I can go on the money I have is the couch. I guess I should count my blessings because at least Jim isn't sleeping on the couch any more....

3 comments:

Stacy said...

It sounds like you are so over worked right now.

I am on disability for psych issues, and it sounds like it would help your family so much.

Could you talk to his Dr and try going to a judge to give you power of attorney, then you could do the application process for disability for him.

Mrs. Dreamer said...

I worry about you. I just don't understand how you can't be depressed. I am also amazed with your stamina and sense of responsibility. I am thinking about you and wish I could do something like wave a magic wand.

perphila said...

Hang in there. You really are doing a wonderful job. If you need to take a break once and a while it's ok. I know how hard that is. I know when I do I get wracked with guilt by not earning enough money or doing enough for the kids that it doesn't seem worth it to try. It really is though or you just burn out. Even if it's for just an hour of you time. It's so important. Even if it is on the couch...:)
The disability would be helpful. Sean has it but through his work and it took over a year before he even applied. He had to have someone from his work do most of it for him. I am still waiting for him to reapply for SSI but he just refuses saying he is fine even though he has been encouraged to do so by doctors, lawyers, family and the guardian. What can you do? The power of attorney sounds like a good idea.