Friday, March 13, 2009

"I need a job."

That's it in a nutshell. (No, not me...I've still got two of them, LOL)

Tonite, DH called me and told me that his mom was at the casino near our house, along with DH's brother. DH said that when he was talking to his brother on the phone, he could hear his mom in the background, telling his brother not to tell DH where they were (because DH always asks her for money). DH asked his brother where they were, and brother said, after a brief hesitation, "at the casino." DH said, "It kind of hurt me to know where I stand with her."

I wanted to say, "Well, she knows, just like I do, that you can spend more money on more stupid stuff in an hour than either of us can spend in a week." But of course I didn't. I just bit my tongue.

Then he said, "And my mom was getting on my case about disability again. She said I can't work, so I should be going on disability so that you don't have to work so hard, and so that I don't have to keep begging for money." (His mom is nothing if not blunt, sometimes)

Then he said, "And this cold is really bugging me."

I said, "I wish I knew how to help you."

DH said, "What I really need is a job."

That was it. I am very tired of listening to what a sad victim he is. And tired of him getting mad at me for not buying stupid stuff for him with money that doesn't even stretch far enough to pay the phone bill. Although, I must say, I refrained from saying "well, for most people, jobs don't just fall into their laps, especially in this economy." I was pretty proud that my mouth didn't say that.

But I did say, "Well, I think there are a lot of things you can do to make that happen, if that's what would make you feel better."

DH: Like what? There aren't any jobs out there. I looked!

(He looked for about an hour on one website.)

Me: Did you ever call that "jobs for the disabled" organization?

DH: No...

Me: How about the "jobs for people with mental illness" guy that you were working with...I know he isn't working there any more, but have you called their office to see if they can help?

DH: No....

Me: You've been thinking about becoming a CNA, but you aren't sure if you could handle it emotionally. Maybe you could volunteer at the nursing home and see how that goes, that way, you'd get some training, you'd have "connections", and it would be a lot like a job without the pay.

DH: Yeah....I guess....

Me: In this economy, you are going to have to be very creative when it comes to finding a job. But I know you are creative, especially when you are determined. I think you can do it, and if a job is what you need, once you really start looking, you'll be surprised at how good it feels.

DH: You know, I think I'm going to let you go. I think my mom, and then this job stuff is causing me to have a mood swing. I'll talk to you later.



Stacy said...

New here, but I empathize with this whole conversation. I went through this with my hubby for years. Thankfully he is on stable medication now.

I am on disability for PTSD, maybe your hubby should look into it?

Torina said...

can you make some calls for him? when people deal with stuff like this every little thing becomes overwhelming...as i am sure you know

Immi said...

I'm catching up a bit here, been sick myself. I wonder if part of the mood swings isn't the cold, especially if he's taking any cold medicine. My mood can go wonky when I'm sick, even when I'm otherwise stable; add cold medicines to that or rx's for the cold and whammo, I can be really weird and out there. Just a thought to consider with the pdoc. I hope things settle for you and he and your mom too. *sending hugs your way*

perphila said...

The disability isn't a bad idea. I do know how long and hard it is to get it and that can stessful in itself.

You gave DH some great suggestions and ideas. You should be proud of how you handled what you said even if you need stitches for your tongue.

A job wuld be nice too. It would probably help him feel less guilty. Still, knowing he has to do this on his own is real hard to watch. Be strong..:)

perphila said...

oh yeah...I LOVE your avatar!

Story of our Life said...

New here also....
When you are approved for disability you are able to work a certain amount of hours. I know from personal experience (w/my dh for his back) that being able to work helps w/his moods and general all around self esteem.

I also agree with Torina (Hi honey), that when I become comepletely overwhelmed, in a not so good state of mind, that making ANY phone call is overwhelming. THis week I needed to call the kids' school. My dh got very upset w/me because I couldn't call them to simply say "Have B and A walk home from school today". I.just.couldn't.do.it.

Hang in there.

Robin said...

Is there a dent in your wall from where you threw the phone after your conversation? Just kidding...

That call had to be extremely frustrating for you :( I hope he takes the initiative and follows through on some of your suggestions.

Miz Kizzle said...

Ha! Convenient that a mood swing hit him when you were talking about jobs. There are jobs out there, even in a tough economy. It takes effort to find them. You're absolutely right that they don't just fall into one's lap.
Your state's department of human services is a good place to start. They have listings of jobs for people recovering from mental illness. Some of the jobs go unfilled because there are no applicants.
He could try calling former co-workers and asking them if they know about any openings.
At least he knows that he needs to get a job. Getting out of the house and mingling with people would improve his mood 100 percent.
I think you should be encouraging, but you should leave the job search up to him. You have enough on your plate already and one of the ways people become capable is by doing things for themselves.
I'm glad he had that wake up call. Maybe now he'll actually start a real job search.

sweetsue said...

My son, who has schizophrenia spends too much money also-mostly on cigarettes. He smokes three packs a day, and they are going up in price again. He does get disability, it took about a year from when he was first diagnosed. Hope your DH can get on it too because it sounds like your at the end of your rope!