The truth comes out

In the last week or so, I've seen "That Guy" make brief appearances several times. He left very quickly (thank goodness), though, and DH was sorry afterwards. One day, DD was just being herself and doing a normal kid thing, she wanted to have a friend overnight. We told her no, I had to work, and DH was going to a meeting (Emotions Anonymous), and since nobody would be home to supervise, we suggested next weekend instead. DD handled it well, but then a few hours later she started with "how about if my friend comes over and we just stay in my room all the time?" "How about if you call my friend's parents up and ask them if I can go over there for a couple of hours then she can come over to our house later?" And "That Guy" came out and instead of just saying "No, it's already been settled, sorry." This cold voice came out and started berating her for arguing and for not considering other people, and "yes, we'll just call your friend's parents up, and then we'll have Mom stay home from work, and I'll cancel my meeting, and then you'll stop arguing, right?" and DD looked a little shocked, and started to defend herself, and that made things worse. DH said, "I need to drive into town." I asked him if he had his Lorazepam (remember he takes that to fend off mood swings and panic attacks). He said it was in his car. I said, "You probably want to use it."

He came home about a half hour later. I was fuming at That Guy and very worried too.

He said, "I need to ask you something. Did I overreact?"

I said, as kindly as I could, "Yes, I think you probably did."

Anyhow, that led to a conversation where I asked him if he had been taking all of his meds like he was supposed to. He couldn't lie to me, and he told me that no, he had stopped taking the Seroquel. I asked him about the Lithium, and he swears he has not missed that except for the time or times when he forgot to take it, he didn't on purpose miss any of that. I hope that after our talk, he sees that he really does still need these pills. There will be more discussions, for sure, if I keep seeing changes. He has an appointment with the Psychiatrist in November. He talked with his nurse practitioner who usually prescribes his meds and she said that there were a lot of things going on right now (migraines, mood swings, etc) and she wanted to wait until the psychiatrist sees him to change anything....

So that's the news....

An email I got today (New Mental Illness Book)

Hi everyone--I don't know exactly how I got on Hazelden's email list, but I do know that they are based out of MN, so maybe I applied for a job there or something...I usually disregard their emails, because most of them have to do with chemical dependency, which, thankfully, I don't think we are dealing with right now....but this one caught my eye, and it looks very helpful.

A Balanced Life (New Strategies for Coping with the Mental Health Problems of a Loved One).

I was able to get a copy of A Balanced Life from Amazon.com for about $6.00 used. I can't wait to read it!

"I think it's the perfect time", he says

He wants to stop his meds!! He says "I hate the tiredness, I hate wondering if they're really helping, I want to be my old self again. So I think I'm going to stop taking them and just see what happens."

"See, I knew you wouldn't approve."

"How about if we make a deal, I stop taking my meds, and as soon as you see any bipolar behavior, I'll check myself in to a hospital."

"What do you mean, you don't think I will?"

"I was fine before, and I never had to take all these meds."

"Oh, all right. I'll ask the psychiatrist what he thinks."

Yikes. I never thought I'd be dealing with this worry. DH has been so good about taking his meds, he's never ever expressed wanting to stop before. I've always read all that stuff about bipolar people who stop taking their meds and thought, "Well, at least there's one thing I don't have to worry about." Now I guess I do. I don't think his recent weirdness is due to him not taking his meds, but it's possible. He says he hasn't stopped yet, because he wanted to know what I thought. I hope with all my heart that he's being truthful, because I told him that if he plunges back into the place where he was a year and a half ago, I don't know if our marriage could survive that.

Am I the one being a jerk here?

Well, today was another weird day. I think DH is having some depression, and various physical symptoms, it's hard to tell what is what. He had his Cat Scan, but hasn't gotten the results yet. He's convinced that it was all a big waste of time. In the meantime, I decided that I was going to try to give him $40 a week for kind of an "allowance" because I hate feeling like a jerk when he asks me for money all the time. I figured, well, he smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. At $4.50 a pack, that's what, 31.50 for a weeks worth of cigs? And that would leave him $8.50 to buy pop or whatever else he thought was important. Considering the state of our finances, I thought this was a good plan. He did too, when I gave him the $40 on Friday and told him my idea. However, today (please note it is exactly ONE day later) he needs money for a pack of cigarettes. He cannot account for where the money went. ARGH.

But that is not what this post is about, not really. Do you (for those of you who've been reading this for a while) remember my "gold" dollars? If you don't, please click on the link to get caught up. Anyhow, a while after that, I had started to collect the gold dollars again. Anyhow, here's where I started to be a jerk: DH came home from his Spenders meeting and I realized that he had bought a non-diet pop. (Remember that his blood sugar was in the 500's earlier this year). So I saw it sitting there on the table and, well, it somehow (wink wink) fell into the garbage. DH realized that I must've had something to do with that, and since DD had just scooped the litter boxes and taken out the garbage, I couldn't give him his pop back (at least I couldn't give it back to him in a non-poopy state), even if I had wanted to. I know this was kind of controlling of me. But I also knew that he wouldn't refrain from drinking it if I just politely asked. Anyhow, when he didn't get his pop back, he took my gold dollars hostage. He said I could have them back when I gave him his pop back. (Isn't this childish?, I know it is--on my part, too) Anyhow, this bothered me hugely, because he had already stolen my gold dollars once and spent a good portion of them. Now here he was taking them from me again. I knew he didn't see it that way, though, and I didn't want to start something, so I pretended like it didn't bother me at all. But it sure did. I was fairly sure that he wouldn't spend them, but I"ve been wrong before....

Then, for some reason, later in the day, he started talking about the 4-wheeler.

He started begging me to go for a ride on it, he was sure I would really have fun. I told him I just couldn't. Then I got the bright idea of telling him I would go for one ride if he would give me back my gold dollars. It was a deal. So he gave me back the gold dollars and I was all set to grit my teeth for the ride. But then he told me that I was going to love it, and I told him I wasn't at all. He told me that if I had forgiven him for buying it, and I was (and still am) paying for it, I might as well enjoy it. I told him that I just couldn't. The 4-wheeler was something that he chose to do, knowing (in some part of his mind, anyhow) that we couldn't afford it, that I didn't want it, didn't even KNOW about it, and had no use for it. To me it felt like a betrayal, although I didn't use that word when I was talking with DH. I wasn't trying to make him feel bad. I just wanted him to know that I just can't ever see myself enjoying that machine.

To me, it felt kind of the same as if he had cheated on me and then wanted me to be friends with the lady he cheated with. Yes, she might be very nice. Yes, we probably would enjoy each others' company, but it AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! Anyhow, DH got rather upset as I tried to explain this the best I could without pointing out things that he had done that I didn't handle well (and am still trying to get a grip on). He got a little angry because I keep saying that I have forgiven him and yet I won't just learn to love the 4-wheeler. But I feel the same way about the laptop and the digital camera. I won't have anything to do with them. I've forgiven (or so I thought) DH for the spending sprees that bought those things. But I still don't want to play with them.

He got rather disgusted and said he didn't want to go for a ride after all. I was fine with that, as I only agreed because I wanted my gold dollars back. And I've been trying to search my soul to see if I can recognize that I'm wrong about the 4-wheeler. So far either I'm in denial or I can't. If I'm being unreasonable, I wish I could see it. DH thinks I'm being unreasonable.

And I did get my gold dollars back, but I'm kind of mad about that, too.

I think we're getting back on the roller coaster....

When I got home this morning, DH was lying in bed, awake. It was 5am. I asked him what was wrong, and he whispered "migraine". So I quickly turned off the light. To the best of my knowledge, DH doesn't get migraines (I do, on occasion), and so this was very unusual. I asked him how long he'd had it, and he said, "an hour and a half". I was a little concerned, but people live through migraines all the time, and so I just laid there and hoped he'd feel better soon. Then he told me that all of a sudden, his nose started to bleed. That's not something that happens with DH, either. So this kind of upped the worry level for me. Then DH launched into a spiel as to how if there was something wrong, I should just let him die. Haven't heard that conversation for a while. Of course I disagreed, for what it was worth.

I still was not and am not sure how much of what he is experiencing is "something" and how much, if any, is related to his mental illness. I know that with the back pain, I get so sick of hearing how miserable he is. I am probably a really bad wife for saying that, but I do get so sick of it. I have no doubt that the pain he feels is real to him, but to me it's just a tip-off that he's feeling depressed and possibly suicidal. If I could draw a graph, the back pain would increase exactly with his mental health symptoms. I know he's hurting, but the real pain is in his brain, not in his back. So going to the hospital, having expensive tests done, and taking a zillion drugs for the back pain probably isn't going to fix it. And I think my tolerance level for other problems that may be mental-health related has gone way down, too, unfortunately. And my skepticism level has gone way way up. So I honestly don't know how worried to be here. It's like DD waking up every single school day and saying "I don't feel good." I stop believing her at all and NEVER believe her when there is a chance that she might really be sick. You know, even though we've been going through this for so long, something new is always happening.

The migraine went away. DH was trying to figure out what had caused it, maybe his meds weren't right, whatever...then he told me that when he got up and went into the bathroom, his nighttime meds were there on the counter. But he "could've sworn" that he took them. Then he said, "Or they could've been from last night....I honestly don't remember." And that really bothered him.

So, when it was daylight out, I pulled the "old standby" ultimatum: "Either you call the doctor, or your wife will not buy you any more cigarettes, ever." So he went to the doctor. I'm not sure completely, but I get the idea that the doctor was extremely concerned. They wanted DH to check himself into the hospital right away. Of course, he refused. So he has to go back to the hospital tomorrow morning and have a CT scan. This is all pretty scary.

But it's not, too. Because this same exact thing (only different) happened a year or two ago, when DH was having chest pains, and the Drs did some tests and determined that he'd had a heart attack, and sent him to a big-name hospital to be treated, where he found out that he actually had not had a heart attack, and that the chest pains were anxiety-related. And he's been hospitalized for his back pain about a zillion times. And when his blood sugar was so high. (As soon as he started to drink Diet Coke instead of Coca Cola, it went back down into the normal range...) So I don't know if this is something to worry about, or if it's more mental health stuff. Especially with "That Guy" putting in an appearance lately, I don't know if "That Guy" is a symptom of something bigger going on, or if his meds aren't working right, or if the migraine/nosebleed is a symptom of mental health problems or what. Or is it all because he forgot to take his pills when he thought he had....and how many times has that happened....and why is he forgetting them now?

Right now I'm erring on the side of wifeness, and I'm pretty worried.

Where has he been?????

Well, yesterday, DH volunteered to take DD to her orthodontist appointment (it's an hour drive) so that I could sleep some more. I was very grateful and thanked him profusely. When he got up to go and pick her up, he told me that Kirby puppy had gotten into the garbage again (he's been doing that a lot lately). I told him I'd pick it up when I got up. I figured he'd be gone most of the afternoon. He said ok, and left, I went back to sleep.

DD's appointment must've been really short (they usually are) because about 2 hours and 15 minutes later, he angrily opened the door to the bedroom and coldly said, "I thought you were going to clean that up." I said "I haven't gotten up yet!" and he slammed the door and had dd clean up the garbage. I kind of thought to myself, "that felt kind of like "That Guy"." And then the other part of me said, "no, he was probably just crabby. And you did say you were going to clean it up..." So that was that. I just stayed out of his way for the rest of the day.

But then today, I was getting ready for work and he was telling me how much his back hurt, I wasn't sure what to say, so I just empathized with him. I left for work and on my way to work, I remembered that I had forgotten to pick up DD's pills. So I called DH. He answers the phone: "WHAT." At that point, the coldness in his voice was already telling me this was a bad idea, but I had fallen into the trap of thinking that "That Guy" was gone, so I just meekly said, "I forgot to pick up DD's pills." "Oh. Great. I suppose I'll have to go and get them. Because you're on your way to work, right?" I have no idea what on earth is going on. The back pain gives me a hint. I hope it's just a temporary thing.

And he hasn't called me all day. I'm thinking all kinds of mean things. But I'll keep them to myself.

From the New York Times: The Bipolar Puzzle

This article, even though, to the best of my knowledge, DD is not bipolar, had a wealth of information in it that kept my interest to the end. Ideas about bipolar are changing, for sure.

Click here for the entire article

From the article: When Claire, a pixie-faced 6-year-old in a school uniform, heard her older brother, James, enter the family’s Manhattan apartment, she shut her bedroom door and began barricading it so swiftly and methodically that at first I didn’t understand what she was doing. She slid a basket of toys in front of the closed door, then added a wagon and a stroller laden with dolls. She hugged a small stuffed Pegasus to her chest. “Pega always protects me,” she said softly. “Pega, guard the door.”

James, then 10, had been given a diagnosis of bipolar disorder two years earlier. He was attending a therapeutic day school in another borough and riding more than an hour each way on a school bus, so he came home after Claire. Until James’s arrival that April afternoon, Claire was showing me sketches she had drawn of her Uglydolls and chatting about the Web site JibJab, where she likes to watch goofy videos. At the sound of James’s footsteps outside her bedroom door, she flattened herself behind the barricade. There was a sharp knock. After a few seconds, James’s angry, wounded voice barked, “Forget it,” and the steps retreated.

“If it’s my brother, I don’t open it,” Claire said. “I don’t care if I’m being mean. . . . I never trust him. James always jumps out and scares me. He surprises me in a bad way.”

I left Claire’s bedroom and found James with his mother, Mary, in their spacious living room, which has a sidelong view of the Hudson River. James is a fair, athletic-looking boy with a commanding voice and a restless, edgy gait. He began reading aloud a story he wrote at school called “The Mystery of My Little Sister.” It involved James discovering Claire almost dead, rescuing her and forming a detective agency to track down her assailant. He read haltingly, often interrupting himself. When his mother asked a question, the roil of frustration that nearly always seethes just under James’s surface, even when he is happy, sloshed over.

“If you listened on the first page, it says it!” he scolded her, then collapsed hopelessly beside the coffee table. “You don’t get anything. Now I lost my place. Forget it. I give up.” He crossed his arms on the table and rested his head in them. Mary waited quietly in her chair. Sure enough, a minute or two later James began reading us a list he had concocted of 50 ways to get rich. The next time his mother spoke, he bellowed: “I wasn’t talking to you! I’m not reading it now!” He threw the paper down and stalked out of the room.

I don't know what to call this post.

I think it's all catching up to me. All I've done all weekend is sleep....I get up, go to the store for my mom, then I go back to sleep. And I'm back to work now, but I still don't feel rested. In fact, I need to stop at WalMart to get some dog food, and I'm trying to tell myself that I'm too tired. (But even if I am, I've really got to go. With 6 dogs, we buy the Old Roy kibble for $15.48 for a 44 lb bag. In the town where I live, the cheapest dog food is $16 for a 20 lb bag. The only time I'm near WalMart without making a special trip is when I'm at work, so no matter how tired I am, I have to get the dog food after work. Saving that money is worth it, though, when I think about it that way....

I was going to tell you that tonite on my way to work, I did forget to bring some important papers that were due. So DH made a special trip to bring them to me, I think he felt good, being needed like that....then he called me and told me he had scooped the cat boxes, folded all the laundry(!), changed the sheets on the bed, vaccuumed, and now he was going to take a shower. I can't remember the last time he took a shower--he doesn't smell bad, but I think that's the deodorant....I think he took a shower a week or two ago....this was very exciting to me, that he had done all of this!!! I try not to pressure him, because I never needed to pressure him about this kind of stuff before he got sick...

So after he took a shower, here's the call I got: "When I brought all those papers down to you, I was thinking, and it might change tomorrow or the next day, but right now I am thinking I am ready to go back to work. I started thinking about it, and I'm not nervous about it at all tonite. I'm going to call the jobs guy on Monday."

I really got excited, thinking "way cool", another great step, etc....but then I remembered, I'm tired. I've been sleeping all weekend. DH noticed it and told me I'm burned out. I told him that might be the case, but it might not be. Now I'm wondering if he's trying to force himself to go back to work because he thinks I'm burned out, or if he's really feeling good. Part of me thinks he wouldn't have done all those chores if he wasn't feeling good, but the other part of me, who's listened to DH for nearly a year now, saying what a worthless piece of **** he is, that part still wonders....

Oh, and one of DH's meds went from being a name-brand to a generic this month!!!! Might not seem like a big deal, but it'll save us about $120 a month.....Yayyyy!!! I used the extra $120 to put towards DH's dentist bill that I have been struggling to pay. That felt good. Now we only owe $262. That shouldn't be too tough, right? I hope!

And I'm tired. I'm sorry I haven't been posting much this weekend, I've been sleeping.

Should I be this excited?

Lately it seems like my posts have been much more optimistic, hopeful, and accepting of DH and his illness than they used to be. (The thing that just popped into my brain is, "am I complaining about being hopeful?" LOL--I hope not)

But here's the thing: There have been a lot of "positives" lately. Between my brother helping out by paying off that loan, and DH paying off his debts with his own money, we have not received any phone calls from the school yet regarding DD's behavior, and it's all peachy, right?

Actually, it's such a nice feeling to know that MAYBE there won't be a crisis today, that I had to stop to realize that I've had time to be stressed out by other things(!)

It would seem, that with things being more stable, that I would have more time to spend with my mom. But somehow, I work so much, that I always feel like she gets the short end of the stick. She needs (wants) me to go and get her something from the store every single day. Sometimes I don't have time. And she is disappointed, because she's kind of in a more childlike way of thinking now--she knows I work a lot, and she also knows that DH has had some problems, but that all kind of goes by the wayside if I fail to pick up the air freshener before I go to work. She never has a list, it's always two or three things today, one thing tomorrow, and two more things the next day. I know, as I'm writing this, that I'm being set up--that there is no reasonable way for me to excel at this situation, but I try, I really do. I hate letting my mom down. And sometimes I'm so busy running to the store for her, that we don't have quality time. No time to chat, no time to sit around. And I hate that, too. I just do my best. A couple of times I tried to suggest that we just do the shopping one day a week, but she always had something that "couldn't wait" that I had to go get today. I have told my brother that I believe that it's her way of making sure I pay attention to her, and gives her a feeling of control, too. Sometimes I wish it was a little less, though.

And there's still DH, too. He told me today that he "hasn't felt depressed in a LONG time." He was pretty proud of it. He's still not working. I still haven't called the job service guy, every time I think of it, it's past closing time for them (that happens to me a lot, since I work nights, when my brain finally gets in gear, it's too late for normal people. But that is my intention, it seems I just take a while for everything to get moving in the right direction.

Aside from the jobs thing, though, DH has basically not done a darn thing for the last two weeks. He says he isn't depressed, but it looks like I'm going to have to cut the grass (a 6 hour job) this weekend or we will be taken over by the "jungle of yardland"... sigh. On the last day off I had, I folded a bunch of laundry and it is still sitting on the dining room table. The rest of the laundry has not been touched. DD will do her "chores", like bring down the garbage, if she is policed into it, but if I'm not there, that gets forgotten, too.

As I've been writing this, I've decided that I'm just noticing these stressors because they are farther down on my "what stresses Carol out" list. I haven't noticed them before (much anyhow), because I've been paying attention to the "how do I manage to pay the bills" and "DH is having another crisis" or "DD had a meltdown in school today" or "Mom broke her hip" stressors. And now that those are starting, just starting to settle down, I guess I'm seeing other stuff. So my complaining isn't over yet!!! (I'm fairly sure you weren't worried about it, LOL)

A little something I had overlooked

I was so excited when DH paid off all of his debts. He's very proud of himself, too. He told me that his one brother has already squandered his money and can't even remember what he did with it. And then, for some reason, it hit me like a ton of bricks:

DH USED HIS OWN MONEY TO PAY HIS OWN BILLS.

Now that might not seem like earthshaking news, but even before he wasn't working, he had stopped paying any of his bills at all. He had credit cards that he maxed out and never made one payment on. And then when he "lost" his job(s), it became impossible for him to pay anything. Hopefully the bankruptcy takes care of all that, we're still waiting for it to be finalized, but haven't heard of any snags...but....when I thought about it, I cannot remember the last time when DH did something "responsible" with his money, like pay a bill.

There have been times where he has cried to me, about how bad he feels about how hard I work and how he "doesn't help out", but mostly that's all been talk. Up until last week, it's been a case of "If DH has money in his pocket, DH is wasting money on stupid stuff." Not so last week, though...

When I realized that, I got really proud of him, and really hopeful, too. So I had to repeat my mantra, "LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS." a few times just to calm myself down. So at that point, I focused on the folded laundry that I had carefully placed on the kitchen table for him, it had been there for three days. "Lower your expectations." He's doing as much as he can. Apparently, I just need patience.

Beyond the 7 year itch!

Well, we had our 8th anniversary this week. It was very nice, because DH still had some money left over, and took me out for fast food :-) (I would've felt bad if he would've went for something more expensive, because I know he has no chance at the moment of making more money.) That trip out, was so pleasant, so much more fun than last year, when DH was lying in bed all day, and when DH cried because "how could I love him if he couldn't even celebrate our anniversary?"

I love my husband. And these have been trying times, for sure. I'm not sure we're "out of the woods" yet, but I dream about it....and I think we're closer to "out of the woods" than we were last year, for whatever that's worth...

Here is a conversation we had:
Me: Well, it's our 8th anniversary, so I guess we made it past the 7 year itch!!!
DH: Remind me again, what is the 7 year itch?
Me: It's where the "rose colored glasses" come off, and people start to see the other person's faults. Sometimes they don't like what they see, sometimes "the grass looks greener" on the other side...
DH: (joking at the silliness that brought to mind) Well, I myself don't have any faults, but that grass on the other side that you're looking at, well, it's pretty much fluorescent, isn't it?
DH: No, really, there's been so much more than just seeing each others' faults, we're really lucky!!!
Me: Yes we are.

Then we went home and I tried to "lower my expectations" again, because despite me telling him about 800 times, he took the clothes out of the dryer, failed to fold them, left them in a big lump in the laundry basked, mixed up with dirty ones. I tell him at least twice a week that if he's going to do that, he might as well not do laundry at all, because it is not saving me any time. I don't know if he forgets, or if he hopes I will, or what, but man!!! I see that big pile of clean clothes in the basket and I just want to go ballistic!!! Good thing we're past the 7 year itch, though :-)

Success!

He did it, he did it!!!!! He held on to that money until Tuesday, when he went into town and paid off all of his bills at the various stores where he had "charge" accounts!!!! And he bought cigarettes, and I got $150 out of the deal, too!!! I was so excited!!!!

So I was so excited! So excited that I forgot for a brief time that DH had bipolar. He was acting like my "regular old DH" again, and what a thrill!

Apparently, though, it thrilled him, too, because after that, he was really wiped out. Hanging on to that money must've been difficult. (but he did do it!) Sleeping a lot, lounging around a lot...forgetting things I'd told him....forgetting things he should have known....I started to get frustrated, then reminded myself to count my blessings, so I did.

He came in on Monday and said, "Did you get a new duck?"
Me: No, I'm trying to let attrition take care of those ducks, because I hate taking care of them in the winter.
DH: There's this HUGE gray duck out there!! I swear, I've never seen it before!!!
DH: It's as big as a goose, the thing's huge!!!!
Me: Does it have pink on its face?
DH: Yes, you did get a new one, then!!
Me: No, that's the male duck from the baby Muscovies that you and I went together and got last year.
DH: It is not....I would've noticed him before this!!!
Me: Um....

DD started school on Tuesday, too. It's so stressful trying to "police" her for school, too. I have to check online to see if she gets to her classes on time, I have to check to make sure her assignments are in, and I have to make sure, when she brings stuff home, that it gets dome. I'm hoping that this year, DH can do a little of the policing, but I still can't count on it. But a girl can hope, right?

The Thousand Dollar Question!

Things change so fast around our house. This week, DH's mom sold some land for a pretty hefty sum. So she gave each of her sons (3) $2000. Can you believe it??? How cool is that!!

Anyhow, so she gave DH $2,000 in cash. This was on Saturday afternoon. He was in a very good place, money-wise and mental-health-wise, so he told me that he was going to pay off all of the stores that he owes money to (!) and if there was anything left over, he was going to buy some cigarettes and give me the rest. That's very new, but not new. That's the kind of thing he would think to do before the bipolar took over (except he didn't have any bills except our mortgage, electric, etc., at the time).

The trouble is, he ran off to all the hardware stores/lumber stores/small engine stores, to pay his bills, and only one of them was open (Saturday afternoon in a small town on Labor Day weekend). So he did, thankfully, pay that one off, and his plan is to go in first thing on Tuesday, and pay the rest of them off. So I won't have to worry about paying for those! (I'm still in a quandary, maybe even more so now, as to whether I talk to the store owners or not).

But.....the thousand dollar question is....I gently suggested that maybe I should hold onto the money so that he wouldn't be tempted to spend it over the weekend. He told me he was absolutely sure he wouldn't. I'm not so sure. I know that if his state of mind remains exactly as it is now, that he will likely be able to hold onto that money. But his state of mind changing, well, that's kind of something that's more normal than if it didn't. I"m not confident that he can/will be stable for the entire weekend. And when he becomes less stable, well, that's the part where I don't think he can do it.

Well, who knows, bigger miracles have happened....I'll keep you posted. (At least one is paid off, and that's more than I had hoped for...)