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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

"I think it's the perfect time", he says

He wants to stop his meds!! He says "I hate the tiredness, I hate wondering if they're really helping, I want to be my old self again. So I think I'm going to stop taking them and just see what happens."

"See, I knew you wouldn't approve."

"How about if we make a deal, I stop taking my meds, and as soon as you see any bipolar behavior, I'll check myself in to a hospital."

"What do you mean, you don't think I will?"

"I was fine before, and I never had to take all these meds."

"Oh, all right. I'll ask the psychiatrist what he thinks."

Yikes. I never thought I'd be dealing with this worry. DH has been so good about taking his meds, he's never ever expressed wanting to stop before. I've always read all that stuff about bipolar people who stop taking their meds and thought, "Well, at least there's one thing I don't have to worry about." Now I guess I do. I don't think his recent weirdness is due to him not taking his meds, but it's possible. He says he hasn't stopped yet, because he wanted to know what I thought. I hope with all my heart that he's being truthful, because I told him that if he plunges back into the place where he was a year and a half ago, I don't know if our marriage could survive that.

6 comments:

Lorna said...

Awww Carol (hugs) That sounds very much like bipolar behaviour to me, and bipolar talking too. Whilst I want to see the best in people, are you sure he hasn't stopped taking them already? It certainly sounds from your last few posts like his mood has had a shift. I know from things you have said to me that he thought his meds had saved his life and he was glad to be taking them.

I hope the psych can make him see sense and pursuade him that not taking them isn't a good idea.

You know where I am if you need to talk. You must be really worried right now.

Lorna x

Immi said...

I second the sounds classic bipolar. Maybe suggest to him working with psych to find meds that work better with fewer side effects, instead of stopping them altogether? I hope he finds some way to stay ok, or mostly so. And I hope you find some way to be ok yourself as you deal with it all.

perphila said...

What an unexpected scare for you. It is positive he is talking to you about it though. Even thinking you wouldn't approve. There are different meds to help with side effects if that is really his issue. Therapy also can help with the larger reality that this is a life time thing. I am not going to get pessimistic and say he could have already stopped taking them. As I said him talking to you about it is a good thing. He has missed a dose before and that could be the culprit. I hope the pdoc helps.

Pann said...

Nooo! that's too bad!

It is such a common problem-- people feeling mostly better seem to forget that they really do need their meds.

oh, I hope you and / or the doc can convince him not to stop. It would be bad.

Tiffany Ann said...

I can sympathize with him wanting to stop the meds because of the side effects...

May I ask what meds he is on? I am much too distractable right now to sort through your blog to find out and look through your old posts, sorry! When I was on Tegretol adn Abilify I was a doped up mess. I hated it. I cannot begin to fully explain it with words. Life was almost as miserable on those heavy meds as it was being sick. The main difference was when I was on off the meds I at least had energy and the occasional euphoria. With Tegretol, I didn't have an sort of life within me. It was very miserable.

My suggestion would be to have him talk to his doctor, and perhaps try a different mood stabilizer. Has he tried Lamictal? It is the stabilizer with the least amount of side effects....

I hope he can work this out, but I wish I could tell him that quitting cold turkey from meds ends up being worse in the end, I've tried it. It was a bad time.

-Tiffany

Tiffany Ann said...

I would like to add one more thing, in response to the other comments you have...

When you (a bipolar person) wants to go off meds... it's not a matter of making them see the "sense" of his decision. What made it harder on me was when my family tried to show me the "sense" behind continuing the meds. I knew they truly had no idea what I was experiencing... and therefor their words of "sense" aggravated me even more. Prior to wanting to quit I swore I would never be one of those people who went off meds. I thought it was the stupidest idea... but it all changes when you are actually at the place in time where you are faced with making that choice. I don't know if I am making sense at all... I hope that I am, and please feel free to ask me questions.

I tend to ramble, sorry about that... I am quite in a hypo mode today... for me, I don't know if the same is true for oyur husband, but for me, it would have been so much easier if my family didn't treat the decision so much from their viewpoint of it being a simple black and white decision. I hope you can try to empathize with him as to how he is feeling while on the meds... and I hope he can find a "cocktail" that will work better. :)

-Tiffany