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Sunday, September 28, 2008

The truth comes out

In the last week or so, I've seen "That Guy" make brief appearances several times. He left very quickly (thank goodness), though, and DH was sorry afterwards. One day, DD was just being herself and doing a normal kid thing, she wanted to have a friend overnight. We told her no, I had to work, and DH was going to a meeting (Emotions Anonymous), and since nobody would be home to supervise, we suggested next weekend instead. DD handled it well, but then a few hours later she started with "how about if my friend comes over and we just stay in my room all the time?" "How about if you call my friend's parents up and ask them if I can go over there for a couple of hours then she can come over to our house later?" And "That Guy" came out and instead of just saying "No, it's already been settled, sorry." This cold voice came out and started berating her for arguing and for not considering other people, and "yes, we'll just call your friend's parents up, and then we'll have Mom stay home from work, and I'll cancel my meeting, and then you'll stop arguing, right?" and DD looked a little shocked, and started to defend herself, and that made things worse. DH said, "I need to drive into town." I asked him if he had his Lorazepam (remember he takes that to fend off mood swings and panic attacks). He said it was in his car. I said, "You probably want to use it."

He came home about a half hour later. I was fuming at That Guy and very worried too.

He said, "I need to ask you something. Did I overreact?"

I said, as kindly as I could, "Yes, I think you probably did."

Anyhow, that led to a conversation where I asked him if he had been taking all of his meds like he was supposed to. He couldn't lie to me, and he told me that no, he had stopped taking the Seroquel. I asked him about the Lithium, and he swears he has not missed that except for the time or times when he forgot to take it, he didn't on purpose miss any of that. I hope that after our talk, he sees that he really does still need these pills. There will be more discussions, for sure, if I keep seeing changes. He has an appointment with the Psychiatrist in November. He talked with his nurse practitioner who usually prescribes his meds and she said that there were a lot of things going on right now (migraines, mood swings, etc) and she wanted to wait until the psychiatrist sees him to change anything....

So that's the news....

8 comments:

perphila said...

You know what I think is funny? It is so hard for you guys to get a decent pdoc where you are and yet you are lucky to have the emotions and spenders meetings. Here you can't spit w/out finding a pdoc (good one or not I can't say) but I hadn't even heard of emotions group and there is no spenders here either. Not that those would help us at this point anyway. For what it's worth it sounds to me lke maybe the side effects are a big part of the problem in acceptance right now. What was DH's issue with the Seroquel? Sean hated how sleepy it made him. He would take it at night and then was out like a light in 5-10 minutes and never moved most of the night. I am thrilled he was honest with you. Maybe a little late but at least you can see how not taking it changes him. Hopefully he can too over time.

Lorna said...

I'm really glad he was honest with you and you manged to get to the bottom of what was going on. I think it's really positive that that he came to you an acknowledged himself that he needs the medicatons and accepted that they are doing something for him.

I was speaking to rob the other day about ithium, and mentioned your conversation with your Dh to him. He said Lithium/bipolar medications are a funny thing. he compared them the painkillers for a headache. he said if you have a headache, you take painkillers because you know there is a problem. Then the headache goes away, but it leaves you wondering if the painkillers have masked the pain, or whether it would have just gone away on it's own anyway. He said with lithium/ medications you take them because you know there was a problem, but after a while you feel fine, and coupled with the unwanted side effects question whether or not you need to be taking them anymore as you feel ok.

I think it sounds like your DH has realised that the medications are still doing something and he does need them, the "headache" is still going on underneath them. It's a very positive realisation for him and you!

Kriss: Lost in the Woods said...

I found you through another person's sight and I want to say this gives me a better idea of what my partner goes through with me and probably what my ex-husband decided not to deal with. I am adding you to my blogroll and I send a huge cyberhug to you and your strength. Oh and my significant other is going to follow the blog too. We do not have good resources for mental health here in the Interior of Alaska but we have teh web. THANKS again! and good luck!

Anonymous said...

Does DD actually know DH is "ill"?

Tiffany Ann said...

I have bipolar disorder, and sometimes I wonder if am just being stupid and a weak person. Thank you for posting this latest entry. It's the first one I have read of yours (a little too hyper to sit still for very long) but the way your husbnd reacted was just like *me*. After reading one little post, I no longer feel so alone. Thank you so much :)

-Tiffany

Carol said...

Hi--I just wanted to respond to the person who asked if DD knows that DH is "ill". She does know that "Dad's thinking isn't right sometimes" and that right now I am the one who makes a lot of the decisions. But it's very hard for me, so it must be harder for her, to tell when it's DH or when it's "That Guy". I don't refer to "That Guy" with DD, by the way. That's just my own term.

In this case, DD THOUGHT she was talking to DH, but suddenly, "That Guy" was there instead and she wasn't prepared.

See, DH could be talking quite rationally and then a minute later, he is like a completely different person. And when that happens, the signs can be tough to recognize. DH (when he's not in "That Guy" mode), is very rational and logical. But "That Guy" only thinks he is rational. And he's so sure of it sometimes that I question my own self. I know it's hard on DD.

So in hindsight a person can say "that was his bipolar talking", but at the time it's happening, it's very difficult.

josh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
perphila said...

That was a dead on description of what it is like. The rational person you love is there and before you even know it there is a different person talking to you. Sometimes I have to replay a conversation in my mind and I can see where things went wrong and I wonder why I didn't notice it at the time. I only noticed when the voice was raised or got sarcastic or even just didn't make sense. I have doubted myself time and time again wondering if he was right I was making stuff up or making mountains out of mole hills. I have to get a reality check from others sometimes.