Saturday, February 16, 2008

My life is like a roller coaster

Well, today DH went to Spenders again, willingly. He says it really helps him stay grounded. Coming on the heels of his trip to the emergency room, I haven't been exactly sure of what's truly going on. Here are some things, though:

DH talked with one of the other Spenders folks who also had spent a huge amount of money, and been out of work for a long time, and eventually worked out a system with his wife and got back to work and is "in remission" (not recovered, but doing much better). He said that made him feel very hopeful that things will continue to progress. He also found out from another Spenders member, that there is an "Emotions Anonymous" group for people who have mood disorders and mood swings--it's on Thursday nights, and only about a block away from where the Spenders meetings are. DH is planning on going, because he recognizes that he ALWAYS seems to do better after his Spenders meeting, so, since there is only one Spenders meeting a week, he's going to try the Emotions Anonymous meetings and see if they can help him. I'm kind of excited about those meetings being on Thursdays, too, because it seems like DH always has most of his big problems on Thursdays or Fridays.

We talked a little about his trip to the E.R. He seems fine today again. But when I tried to explain about how I think the pain is related to his depression, it was like he absolutely didn't understand what I was saying. He just kept telling me that "the pain is real." I have no doubt that the pain is real, but I doubt that it originates in his back. I'm hoping that when he meets with the nurse practitioner next week, maybe she'll be able to change something.....he was on Cymbalta for a while when the link between the back pain and the depression first came about, but that was before he was on any mood stabilizers and so things got pretty bad while he was on it. I'm not sure if he wants to take a chance on trying that again or not, but it's for depression and pain, so maybe now that his mood is more stable, it might actually help. Or maybe there's something else that works the same way, but just not the same drug.

So. On the absolutely good side, we(I) got our tax refund back. It was about $4000. It seemed like so much money just sitting there in my bank account, but when I used it to catch up on things, it sure didn't seem like much. I put $1100 towards one credit card, $700 to the other credit card, and $700 to my car payment. (I've only got 11 more months until my car is paid off, so getting a little ahead helps until then. So that left money for propane, which I am ordering next week, and then the rest is going into savings for now. I've been very good about not "blowing" it. I can't afford to "blow" it, although I did find a rice cooker at the thrift store for $5, which I bought. I've wanted a "new to me" rice cooker for a long, long time, but never could see spending full price on one. I've got a small one, but it doesn't have a valve for the steam, so the steam runs down the sides and I have to make a "double batch" for a normal sized meal. The rice cooker I just bought looks like it's never been used, and much bigger and also has a steam valve. So I'm excited about that. I was driving to work tonite, thinking about how "cheap" I've gotten since this all began--I don't want to buy groceries until we see what we get for "free food" next Thursday. I've gotten kind of snobby about buying meat for full price, too--it's much cheaper to wait until they mark it down right before they can't sell it, then run home and pop it into the freezer. And other things....if I can't buy it used, I don't bother....sometimes I think about the day when/if DH starts working again, and how much better financially we'll be because of everything I've learned in the last year. So in that sense, the cloud does have a silver lining.

Oh. And I don't believe I told you, but I have started collecting gold dollars again. (YAY ME!)