Monday, February 11, 2008

Is it bipolar, or is it TV?

Well, I'm over my "mad" at dd now, so I'm back to being a "regular" mom again, LOL....she has been trying very hard to make up to us, and I had a nice talk with her about going through peoples' wallets/purses, and how when dad or I say "no", it doesn't mean "no, unless you can find a way around it," it actually really means "no". She actually seemed to be listening, and had some thoughts on the matter, too.

But what I wanted to talk about tonight was something that's been happening in the last couple of days.

I have to preface this with: Our DirecTV service was disconnected. I knew the bill was late, and I opted not to pay the bill, and I knew what the consequence would be.
And on the morning before dd had her tantrum, we woke up and there was no TV. We live in an area where we have to have satellite TV to get a signal, so no TV for us until we (I) opt to pay the bill.

DH was a little distressed, but I very much couldn't see using a credit card to pay for something like that. So I didn't.

And you know what? I think something good is happening.

When dd had her "tantrum", DH responded as I would expect any normal dad to respond. He didn't get all bent out of shape (any more than was called for, anyhow) and he didn't start swearing. And he actually told me this: "I was really angry, but I had to walk away, because I realized my anger was too big." That's not something "That Guy" even considers, when he is upset. When "That Guy" is around, you never know what will make him angry, and you have no idea how angry he'll get, either.

So I thought that was pretty cool, but I know how things go, I just figured this was "one of those times" where he acted appropriately.

But then on Saturday, he got up at 7am so that he could go to Spenders. That in itself was also amazing, when you consider some of the blowouts that we've had when he doesn't want to get up for Spenders. He came back from Spenders and woke me up to tell me how good it was. He told me that while he was there, he remembered that he used to always have a saying that he couldn't stand "liars, cowards, or thieves." He told me that while he was at Spenders, he realized that that was exactly what he had become and he was ashamed. He also told me that he told the Spenders group about some of the lies he'd told me, and about stealing the gold dollars from me. He said that one of the people in the group was surprised that he was still married. Then he apologized to me for everything.

While I enjoyed all of this, I still didn't really even get my hopes up, as he's said and done stuff like this before....but....then he decided he was going to clean house!!! He cleaned the kitchen, did all the laundry, fixed the phone line and dd's light in her bathroom, too....then he scooped all of the litter boxes and cleaned the bathrooms. This would actually not have been remarkable at all two years ago. DH has always enjoyed cleaning, and ultimately, when our marriage was healthier, most of the cleaning was done by him, because he was faster at it, and more thorough. But since he's been "sick", I've been doing all the cleaning. And not a very good job of it, as I'm at work so much and trying to help my mom, too, that I never get around to cleaning, and when I do, it's only the stuff I just can't stand that gets done, not something thorough like this. I was very appreciative.

Then, later that evening, DH said to me, "I almost hate to say this, but I think that when I can't just go lay down in the bedroom and watch TV, I feel better." I couldn't believe he was saying that, but hey, I'm fine with that!!!! Then today I got home from work at 9am and DH got OUT OF BED and did more laundry. After I got up and started to make supper, I realized we were out of milk, and I needed it for the hotdish I was making. So I sent DH and Jim to the store for milk. And I went into the bedroom to get some change to buy the milk with, and DH said, "I've still got $5, let me buy the milk." I looked at him like he'd just grown an extra pair of arms...."I really want to do this. I want to contribute."

Wow. Oh Wow. Who is he and what did he do with DH????

Epilogue: Even though our DirecTV is disconnected, for some reason, we still get the Bloomberg Financial Channel--one of my favorites!!!! I don't think it's supposed to be there, but hey....I'd rather watch that than CBS any day!!! (Ok, yes, I have no idea why I like economic stuff, but there it is....)


Pann said...

that is so amazing! Carol, I think you may be onto something with the No TV thing.
Funny how you got to "keep" your fav channel!

Joann said...

I am so happy that things went for the better for you this past week-end. I'm happy for you. Maybe it was a god sent that the tv is off
or maybe a signal, but anyway it still went for the better.

Iris said...

I literally cried when I read this post. I know how much you need the break, and it is so wonderful to get one. It seems like DH has had several good periods in the last few weeks. I don't want to hope too much, but perhaps his meds are working? That would be a huge blessing.

No TV is actually very good for kicking depressed people into gear (and out of bed). Although a lot of this stuff is chemical, there are environmental factors that can trigger or worsen moods. TV is definitely one, because it allows the person to zone out. One of the most helpful things I ever learned is that if you want to get out of depression you must engage in something - anything. It's the last thing a depressed person wants to do, but it makes a world of difference. Cardiovascular exercise helps a lot, too. If DH has ever been a runner, try to encourage him to get back out there. Even a brisk walk could help him.

Sending healthy, positive thoughts your way...