Social Security Disability Update

We got the call over Labor Day weekend. DH's disability claim has been approved. He's also going to be eligible for Medicare in March, which is almost more exciting than the Disability itself, because this year, we (I) had already spent over $3000.00 in out of pocket expenses just for DH alone--prescriptions, ER visits, Dr. visits, etc. The Medicare coupled with my health insurance from work, will mean he is double covered and presumably, our bills will go down significantly. I may even be able to give myself a raise, because right now I contribute the maximum amount to my Flex plan, which amounts to about 95.00 each paycheck before taxes. Now granted that I do go to the doctor once in a while, so the amount wouldn't go down to zero, but the decrease could potentially be significant. Open enrollment at work is next month, so I'll have to ask someone how that all works.
Probably the biggest thing that this means right now, though, is that I am going to quit my 2nd job. After nearly exactly 8 years of working 2 jobs, DH's disability, after taxes, will be about the same amount as I bring home from the 2nd job. Originally, I wasn't going to quit right away. That extra money would make things that much easier, of course. But every time I went to work, all I kept thinking about was how I could choose to quit, how I could find a job that I really like, if I even want a second job, it's a choice now. Even before the disability was approved, I worried a lot about my mom being so sick and what if I got "the call" when I was working and couldn't leave? (Because at a group home you can't leave the clients unattended, not for any reason). And every time I showed up for work, I felt more strongly that it was time. So I put in my 2 weeks notice, this will be my last weekend of working 2 jobs.
I'm really excited about having 2 days off every week! Maybe I'll get a different part time job once my mom passes, but right now, spending more time with her will be nice, too.

What I think about DH working

Well, it's been a little over a week since DH was fired.  Financially it hasn't really hit us since we had that last paycheck from him, and he had managed to show up for work every day that he was scheduled up to the day he was fired, and that was 5 days.  So actually, his last paycheck was bigger than his checks had been previously.....

But mental-health wise, after a day or two, it started to sink in.  DH got really depressed, as so many of his coworkers were people he counted as friends, and so in a sense, it was a kind of "double whammy" for him.  He stayed in bed for 3 or 4 days straight, only getting up to eat or smoke.  Then I came home from work one night, stopped at the nursing home to check on my mom, and DH was STILL in bed.  I had tried to be as understanding as I could--I knew that despite the fact that everyone around him could see it coming (the firing), he really didn't.  And losing a job in any way is disheartening and stressful.  But then, as he was laying in bed, he made some kind of comment about wanting to be a billionaire, and I got snarky.  I still feel bad about my comment, because his feelings were hurt, but I said "Do you think Bill Gates, at any time in his life, laid in bed for four days straight?"  I don't think it probably was my comment that motivated him, but shortly after that, he got out of bed.  He put in an application at McDonalds and has already had an interview.  Unfortunately, they told him they "aren't actually hiring, they're just compiling a list..."  But the fact that he went out and did that impressed me.

I also told him to file for unemployment.  I know two people who were fired from my part-time job who were able to get unemployment.  DH says "if I even get it, it won't be much", but I say it'd make things a lot easier to get $20/week than nothing, for sure.  So my task for the upcoming week is to get him to file for that.  I know that you're not supposed to be eligible if you get fired, but it seems like some places don't fight it, so he might as well see if that's the case. 

I think I'm starting to see that working really took everything he had.  He's done more around the house in the past 2 days than he did in the past 2 months.  I so much wish that his disability would go through.  Unfortunately, it looks like he'll probably end up re-applying because his case is at the top of the appeals levels now, and from what I understand, only 2% of cases are approved at that level.  Not hopeful.  But I'm seeing how much better things could be if he didn't feel like he had to work.  And if I didn't feel like I had to ask him to work.

Who knows?  Realistically, it could be 3 more years before he finds a job again.  I very much hope not.  But it's happened before.  I'm trying to focus on the fact that except for the 4 (3?) days he spent in bed, he hasn't been down much, and I was sure that when he did get fired, he'd be positively suicidal.  So there are good things.  I'm relieved and anxious about the future.

Well, it's official....

DH has received notice (again) that he is not eligible for disability.  Apparently somewhere in his psychiatrist's records, his psychiatrist had noted that DH was responding well to his medications.  So then when the psychiatrist later stated that DH should not work, they said that was inconsistent information.  His attorney is (once again) appealing the decision, stating that the decision does not reflect the record...but I think it's probably like the justice system, where appeals get harder and harder to win, the farther up the chain you go....

DH was upset, and did a little of the "I'm a worthless piece of ****"....but really, after 1 day of that, he was back to his "normal" self again.   I think the fact that it took so long had already prepared him for the fact that he wasn't going to get it....so I guess it was easier for him to handle.

Me?  Yeah, I'm disappointed.  That money would've helped so much.  And hoping that something like that will happen and solve a lot of problems, well, that hope is something, too.  But I guess it's all going to have to be done the old fashioned way.....rats!

DH: on the brink of losing his job

Well, I've mentioned it a little before, but DH went in to work last night and found out that because he's missed so many days, they're cutting his hours.  He was a little upset, but I honestly don't see how he can be too upset, because on his very first day of work, he explained to me how it works, and every single time he's called in since then, I've reminded him of what could happen....and now it's happening.  They go by a "points" system where he works.  If you are tardy, it's one point.  If you call in sick on a weekday, it's 1 point.  If you call in sick on a Friday or Saturday, it's 2 points, and there are some days when they are super busy, where if you call in, it can be 3 points.  When you get to eight points, they take one of your shifts away.  At 9 points, they take another (total of two shifts) away.  And when you get to ten points, you're fired.

I'm nervous.  Even losing one shift is a lot of money.  But I've known since he started that this job of his probably wouldn't last....

But.....I'm still hoping that maybe the disability will come through....that way, we'll still have some sort of income from him if he loses his job.

On a more optimistic side....I have had my 6 month review at work (it was a good one) and I passed probation, so I'm now a permanent county employee there.  I also got a .60/hr raise (yay!).  I'm still quite a bit below what I was making before, but doing quite a bit better than if I was working at WalMart.....

I'm so much hoping that the disability comes through.  DH has told me a lot about the hearing, and he hasn't told me anything that would make me think that the judge realistically thought he could do anything....but, like I told DH, "based on how things have been for us these last few years, good financial stuff (with the exception of my job and possibly his) just does not seem to happen to us."  So it'll be nice if it happens, but "par for the course" if it doesn't.

Along those lines, this past week, one morning I got into work, logged on to my computer, and went to check my bank account to make sure my balance was what I thought it was.  It wasn't. (!)  Someone somewhere had charged internet service and textbooks to my check card somehow.  So I lost about $150 before the bank shut the card off.  It appears that the purchases were made only minutes before I signed on to check my account, so that was lucky--who knows how much damage they would've done if I hadn't been so anal about keeping track of that stuff?  But.....that money was earmarked to pay DH's year-old dentist bill (which totals $400) and now I won't be able to pay that until the bank fixes things (they said they'd put the money back into my account in about 2 weeks)....sigh....just one more stressor...

I just seem to get so panicked when the money stuff doesn't leave me/us any "wiggle room" at all.  If the car broke down again, there would be no way to fix it.  I'm lucky that the vet, if there was an emergency, would hold a check or let me make payments, but I don't want to take advantage of that if I don't have to.....DH's disability back pay would help so much.....right now I can pay most of the bills on time.  But there's nothing left over, especially with gas going up....I desperately don't want to use my 401k to make things more manageable.  Right now, I'm hoping against hope that I don't have to.  I know what a bad idea it is, and every financial planner in the world says not to do it.  But sometimes, when I'm trying to figure out how to pay everything so that nothing gets shut off, it seems like a way to make things a little less stressful.  My plan before the disability potentially came into play was that I would use a relatively small sum from the 401k to pay off the bills from town here that are kind of "handshake" loans, where people/places gave us credit because they're nice and so are we.  I so much don't want to ruin any "good name" that's left.....but....beyond that, the credit cards.....well, I'm a lot less averse to filing bankruptcy on them.....I don't want to, but I would not use my 401k to pay those.  So if it came down to it, the plan would not be to use up all of my 401k to pay debt, just use a small amount to give a little "wiggle room" and take care of debt that I owe to people who I will have to look in the eye someday.  If the disability comes through, I won't have to worry about any of this.....and I'm sure hoping that it does....

Disability Hearing

DH had his disability hearing today. I’m amazed, but it sounds extremely hopeful. Apparently there were statements from numerous doctors regarding the fact that he can not function on his own, and if he was required to live independently, he would likely require a group home.

So…..it sounds like….DH made "too much" money last year at his security job. But what that means is, that if the judge finds that DH is/was disabled, he would still get the back pay, and he would be "on disability" but he would not receive any payments until/unless his income went down (i.e., he starts working less or loses his job).

Apparently the attorney made it sound like the back pay is almost a sure thing (it would be about $18000 for us!) and then if he loses his job, he could just fill out an application to have his benefits redetermined and he would be getting about $1400/mo!!!!!!!

I’m still not confident. I’ll believe it when I see it J

But DH told me that the attorney told him "in two to four weeks, things will be a lot better for you guys…." And that she (the attorney) was very confident and said that everything went exactly as she wanted it to…..and that this particular judge "likes" when a person keeps trying to work despite their disability……

This would be potentially triply good news, because where DH is working, they have a "point system", where if you are late, you get 1 point, if you call in on a weekday, you get 1 point, if you call in on a weekend or a holiday, you get 2 points, and when you get to 10 points, you are fired. Yesterday, DH called in to work again….and that makes 9 points. So….potentially, if he gets fired, we might not be completely "up a creek".

And also….I had just decided that I was going to raid my 401k from my previous job to pay a couple of things off (like the engine) (and the $1400 hospital bill from last year’s hospitalization for DH)….I know it’s a bad idea, but things are so very tight right now that there is no other way I could ever pay for these things. I really did not want to take that tax hit, but didn’t see a lot of alternatives short of bankruptcy….and I don’t want to file bankruptcy on bills that are local—does that make sense? Like the 4-wheeler loan, that’s with a local credit union….and the hospital bill….with a local small-town hospital….I just couldn’t stand the thought of hurting my local economy in any way (but hurting a big bank isn’t so personal….I guess…-).) For the most part, I really felt like the 401k was the best route, even if I had to rob from my future.....

Now I think I’m gonna wait 2-4 weeks and see what happens……

Percocet revisited

DH was released from the hospital yesterday. I'm relieved, of course. It was a pretty big deal. But unfortunately, he was also given a prescription for Percocet, and, if you've read my blog for a while, you know that that is a problem drug for DH. And a bigger problem for me. Argh. It always becomes a very unhealthy power struggle.

I gave DH two Percocet pills and locked the rest of the pills up in my safe (I'm sure I've mentioned it, but in case I haven't, after realizing that DH not only stole my gold dollars but was regularly raiding my change bank and other means of savings that I had set up for myself at home, I decided to use my mom's old fireproof safe that she had used for important papers, and lock up everything that I needed to restrict DH's access to). So anyhow, I put the pills in my safe, went to bed and then got up to go to work. Without stashing a couple of pills somewhere in the house for him. I totally forgot. So now I'm feeling really bad because he doesn't have any at all, but I truly don't know how much pain he is really in. In the past he has really played up his pain just so that he could get some Percocet. I hate the thought that he is stranded without any pain meds. But there's no way I'm going to allow him to access that safe in any way. Nope.

So I'm just feeling like a bad wife, and thinking that he probably thinks that I did that on purpose--but I really didn't. Boy am I rambling today!

I HATE PERCOCET.

Oh, and on a brighter(?) note, DH did call his attorney and the "hearing" on the 18th isn't really a hearing, it's just a telephone meeting with his attorney to start some other kind of appeal. So everything will be updated by then.

Well, I guess that's about all for today. What should I make for supper????? I've got some chicken breasts but I have no idea what I'm going to do with them.....any suggestions made in the next four hours are very welcome! (Any suggestions made after 4 hours will be considered the next time I am at a loss as to what to make for supper!)

What does this mean?

During the brief time when DH was working, he did not call the disability attorney to tell him. But his psychiatrist had told DH several times that he doesn't believe that DH can hold a job and that if he did try to work and failed, that it might benefit his disability case somewhat.

I don't know much about the disability process. Only what I've learned as we go....but DH's attorney just called and DH has a telephone hearing on the 18th of March? Of course DH didn't ask any questions, so I'm left wondering: What is this for? Will this hearing determine whether or not he gets disability? How can he prepare for it, and what will they be looking for....?

I tried to get DH to call and tell the attorney about his working, in case it would have some impact, but so far it's been late in the afternoon and he doesn't want to call and leave a message. So as far as I'm aware, the attorney(s) still don't know that he worked a few days.

So I find myself thinking.....again.....about how nice it would be if he got disability....how things would change so much for the better.....but.....based on the last couple of years, things just don't happen that easily for me/us.....

but it's sure fun to think about!

And an aside: Today I paid some bills. And I looked and tried to decide which one to pay and which ones to let sit. And I realized that I actually had enough money to pay everything on time!!! Something must be wrong here. LOL

I'm struggling

Well, DD is home, she came home on Sunday. I have to say that although I thought she was somewhat contrite, her attitude still sucks and I am still having a tough time coming to terms with this whole situation. The hospital recommended "family therapy" with a therapist that does not know me, DH, or DD, but in our rural area, there are only two therapists qualified for this type of therapy, and both are booked out to the end of November. So really, I guess, back to the same old thing.

And my mom. She seemed to be getting better, then yesterday she started to be more confused again. She didn't know who my brother was, didn't know where the bathroom was, told my brother she'd been "up walking around the apartment for hours", although she told him that she had just come back from supper....and it was more of the same today...so I spent the day at the clinic again, hoping that her UTI was back, because that is/was fixable. But nope. They couldn't find anything wrong. They checked her urine, a chest Xray, bloodwork, and an EKG and all came up normal. So what do I think?

I finally, for the very first time, allowed myself to think about the fact that it's probably time for her to move to a nursing home. There's no way she could live at my house, with DD so unstable and the house is only a 2 bedroom....and I work all the time....the nursing home is going to be the only choice. And if there is no medical reason for what we're seeing, well, she can't keep living where she's at. I keep trying to comfort myself by thinking that "if she's confused like this, chances are that the nursing home won't be that big of a change for her", but I'm wrong on that, I know that even if she can't verbalize it, it's not home and is going to suck. When I think about it, I get really really scared. And kind of relieved, too. And panicky. And sad. And guilty. And relieved.

We're going to try to wait a week and see what happens. She has a Dr. appt on Nov. 6, so we'll see what he has to say. I know we're very lucky that my mom has lived where she does for such a long time....the staff are so fond of her, and they don't want her to leave either, so they'll do whatever they can to keep her there....so I think that even if this next week is tough on them, they'll wait to see what the Dr. says....maybe he can change a med and make a difference....I sure hope so....

It's just getting to be too much. I don't have time to recuperate between crises any more. I'm so emotional, and I'm turning into this frustrated angry person I don't like very much. I think I'm starting to accept the fact that unless things stabilize soon, the options are limited.

I hate this. It's so much harder than the books make it out to be. I never imagined.

P.S. DH got his rejection letter from Social Security for his disability claim.

Coming to PBS: Minds on the Edge--Facing Mental Illness

This sounds like a very insightful program--I don't have TV right now, so I have to wait until I can watch it on line (after Oct. 1).

"MINDS ON THE EDGE: Facing Mental Illness zeros in on wrenching situations playing out every day in hospital ERs, on city streets and school campuses, in courtrooms and in jails, as Americans struggle with serious mental illnesses like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. The dramatic scenario of this Fred Friendly Seminars program reveals personal dilemmas facing individuals and families, medical practices that can be obstacles to treatment, and public polices that are falling short."

"Moderated by Frank Sesno, the program features Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer, Nobel-Prize-winning neuroscientist Eric Kandel, Pulitzer-nominated journalist Pete Earley, and other panelists from law, medicine, and public policy — including several who have personally faced the challenges of mental illness and offer their riveting insights."



Here's a link for more information:

Minds on the Edge

So how did DH's Bipolar Disability appointment go?

I haven't posted yet about DH's appointment on Monday, I wanted to kind of digest it before I put it into words. In a nutshell, it didn't go all that well.

Now, in case you weren't aware of it, and I'm not sure if I've written about it here or not, but DH was overweight when I met him and when I married him. Since the bipolar started, he's gained about 130 pounds. He's very big.

So....this appointment was apparently to discuss his obesity and back problems. The doctor that we saw is retired, but he specialized in gastric bypass surgeries before he retired. He spent about half of the appointment trying to drive DH to have gastric bypass. I'm not convinced. I'm afraid that DH, with his addictive personality, would lose weight, but compensate by some other addiction--drugs, alcohol, gambling.....etc. And for me, the excess weight is the easiest thing to deal with right now.

But anyhow, the Dr. really really thought that the only thing that was going to "save" DH was if he had bypass surgery. He talked about how people go on diets and then gain all their weight back. He talked about all the health problems that obesity causes. And about how DH's back problems were undoubtedly related to his obesity, etc. etc....and that was pretty much the whole sales pitch.

Then it took about 5 minutes for him to go through the Social Security questions: "How far can you walk without resting?" "How long can you sit?" "What activities has your back pain caused you to give up?" But....I knew we were sunk, when the Dr. asked DH "What is the most you can lift?" and DH said "about 50 pounds". And then explained that he lifts the bags of chicken feed....about once every two weeks. Woops.

Then, the Dr. told DH that he probably had sleep apnea. DH said he knows he does, but the CPAP makes him anxious. The doctor wrote that down, too, so that probably makes it look like he's noncompliant.

All in all, basically it was a lecture on the benefits of gastric bypass. I keep telling myself that since DH is going for disability on the grounds of being bipolar, that the back problems are peripheral, but then I think that if they (Social Security) thought the same way, that they wouldn't have bothered to send him to a back doctor. I really wish I knew more about how this all works.

Anyhow, kind of a sucky day.