Well, I was hoping that if I took some time off from dwelling on things that I could get myself out of "angry" for a while....it didn't work. I think, as some of you commented, I need to find myself a therapist somehow. I need to find a healthy way to channel my anger and accept my husband's illness. I'll have to find someone in the city, I was thinking on my way to work that maybe I'd call the employee assistance line and see if they have a suggestion. I think they pay for a few counseling sessions, too, so that would save me the copay....I'll let you know what happens with that...
Late last week, Social Security sent DH two forms to fill out (and one for me to fill out) concerning his prior work experience and his current abilities. They came with explicit instructions to make sure they got back within 10 days, or the claim "may be denied". So every day, I remind DH to fill out the forms (mine has already been mailed) and every day he is "busy" sitting on the couch or (yes again) lying in bed watching TV....he'll do it tomorrow. So today, I set the alarm early so that DH could fill out the forms and I could mail them before work. He got up and started filling out the forms. And he got so angry. Not necessarily with me, but at the forms and the questions they were asking. He was angry that he didn't know the exact dates that he worked. He was angry that he had to fill them out at all. And then this: "It's asking me if I take care of children, I'm going to put yes."
Me: How do you figure?
DH: Well, DD. You know, I make sure she goes to bed and I make sure she takes her pills....
Me: (to myself) : DD takes her own pills without anyone reminding her. She feeds herself when I'm not home, because you refuse to prepare food beyond cereal. She puts on her own pajamas, and goes to bed with one or two prompts. I (Carol) am the one who makes sure she gets up in the morning. To me, that does not qualify as taking care of "children".
Me: (out loud) : Well, I think they were thinking like more like younger kids, like changing diapers, getting them dressed, giving them a bath....stuff like that...
DH: Well, I take care of her!!!
Me: Well I think if you lead them to believe that you help her a lot, Social Security is going to suggest that you are not disabled, you can do day care. (I guess I probably shouldn't have said anything like that....kind of insinuated that he doesn't do anything....)
DH: FINE! (slams door)
Me: Maybe you should take a Lorazepam?
DH: (no answer) (did not take the pill)
and did not complete the form.
DD comes home from school, I'm still there, at home, because I had to get DH's prescription and some dog food, since I stay in the city on Wednesday/Thursday nights.
DD: Mom, my teacher wants me to do this 9 hour project. Look what I found, "Dog grooming, self serve dog wash."
Me: What kind of project? Does she want you to work for 9 hours? Or does she want you to interview someone, or what?
DD: It's a 9 hour project she wants us to do.
Me: Well, it sounds like you might need more information. Do you have instructions?
DD: Forget it.
Me: Ok, then. Why don't you have a glass of milk?
DD: Where's the cereal?
Me: (to myself) You and your friend ate it all over the weekend, a WHOLE WEEK'S WORTH OF CEREAL. And now we don't have any and I don't have any money. So too bad for you. Make a sandwich.
Me: (out loud) There isn't any.
DH: (this is a for real quote, even though it's so pathetically funny it sounds like I made it up...) : Can I have some money to go buy her cereal?
Me: I have no money. You'll both have to make do.
DD: This is so stupid. (slams door to her room)
Me: (to DH and to DD's PCA (helper)) : There's plenty of food here. There's two loaves of bread, some oatmeal packets, fruit cocktail....and ramen.
DD: (comes out of her room) I WASN'T CALLING YOU STUPID!!!!! I WASN'T!!!! ALL I SAID WAS THIS WAS STUPID!!!!!!!!
Me: I never said anything about you calling anyone stupid. You need to have a glass of milk and try to calm down.
DD: I AM TRYING!!!! I AM SO ANGRY!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!
DH: DD. Go to your room.\
DD: NO. I WON'T!!!
Me: Can you take some deep breaths?
DD: NO. I CAAAAAANNNNN'TTTTTT!!!! (screaming)
Me: C'mon, let's do it together, as deep a breath as you can--In......and Out......look at me....In......and Out.......do you remember that this is a good way to calm down?
Me: Now why don't you go into your room and take your glass of milk, too. Drink your milk, and breathe deep like we just did. And we'll check on you in 10 minutes.
In 10 minutes she was on her way back to normal, so I went to work. Maybe the anger is contagious or something.....? I don't know! When I left the house, though, all I wanted to do was move out. That was all I could think about.