Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Blah Blah

Well, just a little note to say "glad I didn't let myself get all carried away with DH's 'new' self"....

Yup, he's back to not getting things done, back to talking in slow motion, and the last two days, when I reminded him to take his pills, he said, "I'll do it in a little bit", and then got himself off the schedule. So we're back to "normal". Sigh. I'm hoping that this is just a "blip". But bracing for the possibility that it isn't.

My New Years resolution, though, is to find a way to strong-arm him into applying for Social Security Disability. That and getting the roof fixed somehow....

Anyhow, this is a kind of short post, because I brought up the possibility of a little New Years Eve get-together at my Mom's assisted living apartment, and she got really excited. So we are going to make some frozen pizzas and have a glass of champagne (and DD is having non-alcoholic champagne, if it didn't freeze in my car)...anyhow, I have to head home to get that going--I like when my mom gets excited and looks forward to something, even if it's really not much of a big deal....I always remember that this holiday could (for anyone, actually, but an almost-80-year-old woman, for sure) very well be the last one (although I very much hope and pray it isn't).

So Happy New Year to you, and SEE YOU NEXT YEAR (tee hee) (I always used to hate when people would say that and think it's funny....now I'm doing it!)

Monday, December 29, 2008

Somebody stop me!!!

Hi everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and I also am hoping that 2009 brings wonderful things for all of us....

Christmas was fun, but it should've been "funner". I love Christmas, it's my favorite time of year. I can get very much into the spirit, and things are usually a lot of fun. This year, though, I think all the crap is wearing me down. For example, every year since DH and I have been seeing each other, I have been in charge of "the games".

"The games" evolved because DH and his family would get together to play poker every Christmas Eve. But I, not being much of a poker player, thought that was boring, and so I came up with my "own" games, which are kind of like games that you would play at a wedding or baby shower, with little prizes that were either free samples, or from the dollar store. It's turned into the highlight of the year, and every year I try to come up with new games and some serious and some very wacky prizes. I love that! But this year, I really didn't have the gumption. I went through the motions, and it was fun, but honestly, if someone had said, "Hey, maybe we shouldn't do those games this year", I would've jumped at the chance. And I did all my (what little there was) Christmas shopping online, because I had no time in between snowstorms and work to go anywhere at all. And even my half-a**ed attempts at holiday spirit were really pretty lame. And after it was all over, and I was left with that "Holiday Hangover", where all I wanted to do was sleep all day and all night, I was left asking myself, "What's wrong this year?"

After all, when you consider that my mom had broken her hip last Fall, and DH was not on Lithium back then, and I had less money than I do now, because I am working that extra day this year, it would kind of seem like I should've been more stressed out last year, not this year. I guess maybe things are starting to catch up to me and that's scary when I think about it, because I start wondering how long I can keep doing this....a while, I hope!

Anyhow, there is a bright spot: DH is doing better than he has in ages. I'm almost afraid to write that, I don't want to jinx it. But here's the thing--he's been working hard at taking his meds on a schedule--that is, he is taking his morning meds at about 10:30am, and his nighttime meds, which include the Seroquel that makes him sleep, at about 11pm. With that being the only change, I can say that the changes in DH have been quite remarkable!!!

First off, for Christmas, he gave me coupons, for chores that I don't like to do or don't always have time to do. He thanked me for staying with him, and wrote me a very nice letter, too. So far, I've used 4 coupons. One to fill the feed hopper full of duck food, one to duck and cluck, one to unload groceries, and one to get him up at 8am to go and get a Christmas tree at 50% off (at the day after Christmas sales). And he did all of those chores right away, no complaining. Then, DD got a gift card for Christmas, and DH took her to the store to use it, and he did not buy one single thing!! He told me he looked at a CD, but he decided it was "too expensive"!!! Can you believe that???? No back pain, no discussions as to why it would be better if I would just let him die....DH is shocked by the difference, too--he says he feels like he did five or six years ago, when things really didn't bother him much and he looked forward to each new day--Now how's that for a Christmas present, huh?

Ok, the title. I'm pretty nervous about controlling my expectations when DH is doing so good. Like I've told you, it seems like when DH has a period of "good" time and then he slides back into "That Guy" mode, I'm having a harder time accepting that and I find myself getting more angry and disgusted when I shouldn't be. So even though right now, DH is the best I've seen him in years, I'm afraid to even acknowledge it on some level, because as much as I hope that he can go back to being the wonderful guy I married, so far, history hasn't borne that out. So there's this little fight going on inside me--the part of me that is SO loving this change, the part that remembers that "this is how it used to be", and then there's that part that's (I hate to say cynical, maybe reality-based?) telling me, "Don't worry, it won't last...."

Despite all my ranting and complaining, though, I guess I'm an optimist, because I'm still hopeful. I love him so much, what I would give to have things stay like this forever....

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Merry Christmas to all of us!

Well, I hope you're done with all of your running around and craziness. I hope that you have time to look at pretty lights, time to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" (my favorite movie of all time) and time to hug everyone you care about. This year I have so much to be grateful for. I am hoping that 2009 is full of blessings for all of us. Anyhow, here's a video for you--thanks very much for being with me through all of this bipolar mayhem!!! There are so many times that something someone has said in a comment will stick in my brain and carry me through a really rough time, I'm happy to know all of you--thanks again!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Pre-Christmas Surprise

The surprise is, that DH has been doing amazingly well!!! Today, he (of course) woke me up at 8am to tell me he was getting up for the day --for those of you who have been reading for a while, you know that the fact that he is getting up at all is pretty wonderful--anyhow, he got up, fixed the plow, plowed the driveway (we're having yet another snowstorm), then took DD AND her bio mom shopping at the dollar store!!

All of this time, I was blissfully sleeping, after working all night. He pottied all the dogs, filled all the cat bowls, scooped litter boxes and then....drum roll please.....

You know DD's light? The one in her bathroom that has been out of commission for not just months now, but for I think close to two years????? YUP!!!!! I can't believe it--he went up into the attic and fixed that light! And he hasn't complained about his back hurting for AGES. I was so excited, I wanted to shout this from the rooftop (except that our roof is in such bad shape, I don't think that would be a good idea!!) I really really hope that he can keep this up at least until after Christmas--he's really been trying hard!!

I should have taken a picture of that light. I still might :-) It's a milestone--for sure!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Time Magazine: Mentally Ill Die Younger

For me, this was a shocking article. I've known for a long time that, especially when DH's mental illness is not well-controlled, he is at a much higher risk for suicide, or an auto accident, or an unintentional overdose, I had never really thought about the fact that even if he never succumbs to these things, certain aspects of his lifestyle put him at a much higher risk. He is obese. Although he has cut down on the pop drinking quite a bit, he still makes poor food choices. And of course, you all know he smokes. When he was healthy, I used to refuse to even run to the store to buy cigarettes for him. Now, I not only go, but I pay for them, too. Just like the pop used to be, he believes (and I have never been a smoker, so I am not making light of the situation, just not completely understanding) that he could not live for an hour with no cigarettes. During one of his half serious attempts to quit smoking, he started chewing tobacco, and now he is dependent on that, too. And the possibility of quitting seems to threaten his very being. And he has already been diagnosed as "diabetic", although so far, he has refused to really acknowledge it....but, Carol, let's face it....DH fits this article, lock, stock, and barrel.....

It's more than scary so see an article like this and wonder if it was written specifically about DH. Yikes.

Here's the link, for those of you who are interested:
Why Do Mentally Ill People Die Younger?

Repeat after me....

Remember DD's therapist, how she recommended that I "lower my expectations" with regard to DH....well, I keep messing up!!!

I got home this morning, and DD supposedly could not manage to get the garbage down to the road (that's one of her little "jobs"). DH was up, he said he'd take care of it. And then I changed the litter box that was starting to smell two days ago, that he said he'd take care of...

When I got up to go to work, I noticed that the load of DD's laundry that had been in the dryer, was now jumbled in a laundry basked, even though she had been instructed to fold it and put it away.

And then DD had an "issue", and when that was said and done, nobody had taken care of the ducks and chickens and I was at work and DH was all ready for bed.

I was so crabby--a lot of times I really truly feel like nothing, not even the little stuff that I specifically request, will get done at all unless I do it.

So right now I am going to count a few blessings to cheer myself up.

I'm employed. I have, not one, but two jobs. Right now, there are a lot of people who don't have any.

Nobody is having a crisis right now.

My mom seems relatively stable and even though I work a lot and feel rather guilty about that, I love my mom and I love making her life more pleasant.

DH is miles better than he was last year at this time (pre-Lithium).

I love where I live and all of my animals too.

Our house, despite the complaining you see on this blog, is full of love.

The bills are paid.

I have friends, both in "real life" and in the blogosphere!

I know I shouldn't complain so much, I really do. But sometimes (ok, lots of times) it all seems so absurd to me. And even when things make perfect sense to me, with DD and her problems, and DH and his mental illness, and my mom with her dementia, still nobody can see things clearly and then I start wondering if I'm the one who's not thinking right....it's nice to have a place to vent. But I think I am going to pay attention to how much I complain and try to tone it down a little, if I can. Sometimes I know it seems like that's all I do....whine, whine, whine...

Monday, December 15, 2008


Well, when I got off work at 8 this morning, I decided to go to WalMart, because it wasn't snowing at all yet. So I got dog food, a gallon of milk, some cereal, and some firestarter sticks to start a fire in the fireplace. I didn't go hog wild, I was only in there probably twenty minutes, including the checkout. When I got back outside, it was simply unbelievable! It was snowing so hard that I couldn't even push my cart through the snow!!!

And then I had to drive home. I don't know what I was thinking. I have known for at least three days that there was a big storm coming. But when I got to WalMart and it wasn't even snowing, I figured I had it made! Well, the 30 miles home were about the scariest I've driven in years, if ever. Instantly there was about four inches of snow on the roads, and that's not a really big deal for MN, but when the wind is blowing so hard that you can't see the road at all, well, it's a very big deal! I don't know how I got home. I'm usually a pretty cautious driver in the snow, the one that all the "macho" guys in their 4-wheel drives like to pass....but today, after about the first mile, absolutely nobody even got close enough to think about passing me....and by the time I got close to home, I was the only crazy person on the road. I don't know how to explain the fear I had--it was like the windshield was fogged up, but it wasn't. I can't believe I made it home without going in the ditch. My adrenalin was really going by the time I got home and pottied all the dogs!!

Then I went to bed, and DH got up to plow the driveway. Just as he finished, the plow broke. So I guess if that was going to happen, I'd rather have it happen at the end of the plowing than at the beginning!! I am hoping that he has enough wherewithal to fix it before the next snowstorm....

Once again, DD was being horrid. As soon as she saw me, and heard me talking to DH, she put her coat on and said she was ready to go visit her "real mom". I told her there was no way anyone was going out in that, and sorry, it'd have to be another day. So she whined about it all day!!! "But...but....I haven't seen her for TWO WEEKS!!!" (She has gone the entire summer without seeing her "real mom" and didn't even express a speck of worry) "But we were going to the Dollar Store!" (but she told me that she didn't have any money--and I know her bio mom doesn't have any either...) And then came the "you guys never let me do ANYTHING!" I told her that if she wanted ANYTHING, acting like that wasn't a good way to get it. I got the dogs in, and then I went into the living room and turned on the radio. DD was reading on the couch. "Can you turn that off, PLEEZE?" I said "I'm just going to listen to the weather report, then I'll turn it off." "But you've got a radio in your room, can't you go in there?" "No, I can't. I pay the bills. If you don't like what I'm doing in the living room, then take your book and go read in your own room."

Anyhow, you get the point. I don't know what's going on--I know part of it's just being a teenager with limited social skills. But boy oh boy, she is being a JERK!
(She did apologize to me before I left for work. DH is still waiting for an apology for the time when she sassed off to him, he told her to go to her room, and she said, :NO! MAKE ME!!!".)

The coolest thing was that DH was very calm, very rational, during all of these episodes. "That Guy", who is usually the first "grownup" to say something (and it's usually not indicative of good parenting) was nowhere to be seen!!! Very very cool. It was my regular old DH, the one I married because he was very even-tempered and rational....

I know that he's not all that much better...I can tell that by his "job hunting". On Friday he went to the Job Center and had to wait in line to get on a computer. Then when he did, there were "absolutely no jobs". So that was that. Looking in the newspaper, or talking to the jobs guy, or just going down to the fast food place and filling out an application, well, none of those crossed his mind, and even when I pointed out that he could try those avenues, he discounted it. So that (and the pawn shop thing) show me that he's not "doing fine". But I guess with bipolar, you take as much "normal" as you can get.

Oh--and the title of this post? Aside from the snowstorm and the cold attitude of DD, by the time I get off work in the morning, it is supposed to be 24 below zero actual temperature. Brrrrrr!!!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Question of the day

Mom? What's the best way for me to come up with three or four thousand dollars by April?

Me: Did I hear you right? (I'm thinking....she's thinking car....and doesn't know we've decided she's not ready to drive yet...)

DD: Well, it might be more....

Me: What are you thinking you need that costs that much?

DD: Well, I'm going to be 16 in April, and for my "sweet 16" party, I want to have ACDC come and play.

Me: Um, honey, you'll need a LOT more than that....

DD: No I won't!!! They're all old now!!!

Me: Maybe you should try to come up with some cheaper ideas.

DD: Well, can I have a deejay?

Me: We haven't even discussed whether there will be a party, let alone what will happen there!

DD: Well, could you open me a savings account?

Me: Ok, sure!! If you can save up thirty dollars, I will be very happy to open you a savings account.

DD: Oh. Well I don't think I could save that much.

Me: Why not? You just earned ten dollars the day before yesterday for combing the dogs--do that twice more and you've got it made!

DD: I already spent all that money.

Me: Oh.

DD: But can I shovel the walk or something and you can pay me?

Me: Um....it hasn't snowed all week.

DD: So?

Me: Why don't you wait until after the blizzard hits on Sunday, then after we've got a foot of snow, we can talk about shoveling.

DD: Oh forget it.

(It seems like nobody is happy with my inability to conjure up money out of thin air these days!)

Friday, December 12, 2008

Again...and again....and again.....

The phone rang this morning at 10:30am:

Caller: Is Mr. DH home?

Me: yeah (handing the phone to DH)

DH: (to person in phone) Uh, yeah. No I didn't. Uh, probably tomorrow. (hangs up)

Me: Who was that?

DH: The pawn shop.

My heart sank. I didn't say anything after that. I don't want to know what he hocked. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem.

Except for that little part a while back where he was so grateful to me for paying off that stupid pawn shop when he hocked his brother's gun...he said he'd learned his lesson. He wouldn't do that again, for sure.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I usually schedule DD's orthodontist appointments on Mondays, because that's one of the most likely days that I would have off. I noticed that I had written down her December appointment for Tuesday the 16th, and I started second guessing myself, wondering if I wrote it on the wrong date.

So I called the orthodontist's office. "Hi, my name is Carol, and our DD sees the orthodontist there. I usually schedule her appointments on Mondays, so when I saw that this upcoming one was for Tuesday, I figured I'd better call and double check."

"Well, ma'am, I don't really know what to tell you. Our orthodontist passed away suddenly over the weekend. We don't know how long it's going to be until we can find someone to take his place."

"Oh no!!! It must've been a heart attack, then, or something? we just saw him two weeks ago and he looked fine!!! How very sad. I'm very sorry."

"Yes, it was a heart attack. He was only 47 years old."

"I am very sorry. I understand that you don't know what's going on right now. I'll call back next week."

No matter how stressful I think my life is, I think his family will be wishing they had my kind of stress. How sad.

I haven't told DD yet. I don't know how it will affect her. I'm sure she knew who he was, but most of the time the "nurses" did most of the work and he just kind of supervised, so I'm not sure if she'll honestly feel bad, or if she'll get all dramatic, or if it'll be no big deal. There's really not much in the parenting books about this kind of thing!


Well, this morning I got home at 6:30am. It would have been a waste of time to try to sleep for 20 minutes, so I watched the economic news for that time, until I had to get DD up for school. I usually sit up while she gets ready, because she sometimes tries to wear very inappropriate things if she isn't supervised. One time it was 30 below zero and she decided she needed to wear flip-flops with (of course) no socks. That was an argument....but she did end up putting on her tennies....

Anyhow, so I waited until she got on the bus, then went to bed at about 7:15. I set my alarm for 10:30, because DH has been doing much better since he's been trying to take his meds at 12 hour intervals and he has told me that he can feel a difference and he likes it. But most of the time, given his own devices, he'd still forget to take them in the morning. So I set my alarm to wake him up (of course, that means I have to wake me up, too....but having "That Guy" on vacation is more fun than being well rested :-)

So at 10am, a half hour early(!), DH woke me up and said, "If you set your alarm, you can turn it off, because I'm getting up, and I'm taking my pills." Well, blow me away!!!! So....back to sleep.

At 11am, a clinic called about my mom's Dr. appt tomorrow. Of course they needed to talk to me to tell me to be there five minutes early for paperwork.

At 12:30pm, I got up to hop in the shower. Pretty often I put it off (showering) because it's something I can skip for a day or two. And then I end up feeling yucky. Anyhow, took my shower. Went and picked up DD for her therapist appointment regarding the meltdown last week. So it's a big deal.

We're in the middle of some heavy duty therapy stuff, and there's a lot to say. But, suddenly, DH is there, knocking on the door, telling me that I need to go to my mom's assisted living place because she is having troubles. Last night, she got confused with her pills and took this morning's pills when she should have taken the ones for last night. (She has three boxes of pills, one for morning, one for lunchtime, and one for bedtime, and she took the pills out of the wrong box). She's done that before, but the nurse was concerned because this morning, after having everything all fixed, she still couldn't remember how to do the pills....so...instead of going to work, I took mom to a same-day clinic 30 miles away, where they checked her for a UTI (as far as they can tell, she doesn't have one)...then they did blood work, as far as they can tell, she's fine, so that's a HUGE relief.

But while we were there, she missed supper at her assisted living place, so then we had to go out to eat. While we were eating, DH called me, purportedly to see how my mom was, but really, I think it was because he was out of cigarettes. So I told him we were eating, and he wanted to come down and join us. I like his company, but I was paying for supper, and DH eats a LOT and all I could see was more money floating out the window....then he told me he was out of cigarettes, and did I by any chance pick up his sweetener for his coffee? I kind of blew up at him. He called me back and apologized and asked how he could help. So I had him feed the outside animals, and I gave him a $20 and told him to go buy whatever he needed.

Then I went to work. Here I am. I seem to have a lot of days like this.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Emotional wipeout

Well, things are finally calming down. DD got through school without me being called. She got through the after-school time without being rude to her dad. And DH got through it all without being inappropriate to DD (in other words, "That Guy" stayed away, and DH did not lose his temper and/or swear at her).

DH is still angry with DD for what she said to him. But it became very clear when we talked to her last night that she didn't have a clue what she had said to him. She didn't remember any of it. So being mad at that point is kind of senseless. But I can understand why he would still be mad. I hope he can get over it relatively soon....

I tried to have us all sit down and talk about what had happened. And I tried to make sure that DH took part in the "parenting" too. But then he went off on this stupid tangent about how DD probably has a mental illness and she didn't have a choice, and she might as well get used to it..." I have no idea what he was getting at. Yes, DD will probably always have mental health problems. But I think that more than that, DH is desperate for someone to be "like" him. So he's putting these stupid things onto DD and it doesn't do any good at all. He just kept going on and on about it, and it had very little to do with DD's meltdown, and even if it did, I think that it really didn't help the situation at all. I kept talking with DD about who she should apologize to, and what she could do differently next time, and DH just wanted to keep telling her that she was stuck with mental illness, even if she didn't want it. I let him ramble about it, though, on the off chance that talking like that might have helped convince himself that he can't deny the fact that he's mentally ill. I think DD was as confused as I was as to the relevance of it, though.

Anyhow, now that things have calmed down, I really feel wiped out. Like I've had the flu for three days. My whole body is exhausted. I am so tired. I know DD is tired, too. And DH, but he's always tired. I can't wait to get home from work and go to bed.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Still dealing with the crisis...

Well, this morning I went to school with DD and learned that she had a "very bad day" on Monday in school, too. The counselor said that she had "meant to get a hold of" me, but she hadn't. In fact, she thought that we had come in to talk about DD's day on Monday. I just told her what had happened, and we brainstormed a little to see if we could put a finger on what is happening, and, as near as we can figure, it's something to do with an ongoing issue that DD has had with two other girls.

Apparently those two girls were in church group last night and DD made a lot of threats and made a lot of people concerned. Two adults from the church group called DH after DD was already in bed to express their concerns about how she was acting. I'm always torn when we get calls like that from adults, because I really want to know how she's doing, but I think a lot of people, even though they know intellectually that she has "issues", don't actually recognize those issues when they come to the surface, so it ends up feeling like "you're not doing your job!" And then I feel defensive. I'm trying. I really am.

Anyhow, DD said hurtful things to DH like "I want you gone!" and "I wish you didn't even live here any more, I wish it was just me and Mom!" and "All you ever do is sit around! You never do anything!!! I'm sick of you!!! You're a bad Dad!!!"

I guess you could say that didn't make DH's mental health any better. He is still very hurt and upset about the things she said. I tried reminding him of things she's said to me in the past, but he doesn't remember any of those at all. I reminded him that she's a teenager and that teenagers (and kids in general) can say very hurtful things. I'm worried about how tonite will go with the two of them, as I had to come in to work.

And at about 1pm, DD's school called and they were concerned about her mental health. They were having a tough time calming her down and they thought that if I talked to her, she might feel better. I don't feel like that was particularly successful, but maybe....

Then I guess, when DH talked to his mom and told her what was going on, she said "YOU'VE GOT TO GET RID OF HER, SHE'S NOTHING BUT TROUBLE." (We've had that conversation with her about a zillion times back before DH got sick and before she was really ours, so I kind of expected that from her.) And then I guess he called his brother and his brother told DH "GET RID OF HER. YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME AND ENERGY ON SOMEONE WHO'S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE." I have to admit, that lots of times, DD is tough to appreciate. I just wish these people could keep their mouth shut if they don't have anything nice to say. If she was biologically ours, nobody would be telling us that, they might actually be trying to help us, instead. Oh well, no use wasting my time trying to change people who don't understand.

But on the "upside", if there is one, DD's caseworker gave us the number of a "children's crisis line" in a nearby town where, if DD has another meltdown tonite, we can call the hotline, and they will actually send a cnild/adolescent counselor out to our house to diffuse the situation. I hope we don't need it, but it's very nice to have. She hasn't had a crisis like this in a long time. I'm a little nervous about calling home to see how she's doing. I'm worried that DH will lose his cool and the situation will escalate.

Just so you know

With all this drama, I've decided that since DD's therapist only works on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and DD has an appointment for next Wednesday, that will be too late to deal with this in a counseling sense. So I've decided that I'm not going to stay over in the city like I usually do, I'm going to leave work early and go to school with DD in the morning so that I can talk with the school counselor and maybe figure out what is going on. I'm worried about DD, but I'm also worried that DH might not handle things as well as I'd like, so I need to go home and make sure everyone is ok.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Whoa!!! Drama overload!!!

My phone double rang tonite--that means it's someone from outside the building. Usually it's DH, and I had someone at my desk asking me a question, I didn't answer. I called him back and checked to see if it was him.

Me: Was it you that called?
DH: Yes, but this isn't a good time. I'll call you back.

Five seconds later, my cell phone rang, which was a miracle in itself (maybe) because I usually don't get a signal at work.

All I could hear was DD screaming and crying.
I told her, "You've got to calm down before I can talk to you--I can't understand you!"
So she screamed as loud as she could in my ear and hung up.

So. I called DH back, asked him what was going on. I could hear DD screaming at the top of her lungs in the background. DH says he is going to call the police, he thinks she needs to be committed. I can tell from his voice that I am talking to "That Guy" (of course), but I try anyhow--"No, don't call the police, I think we can handle this. I don't want them to take her away from us for any reason."
DH: Well I do.

DH: I don't care what happens to her.

Me: I know you don't now, but we've put years of our lives into making sure this kid is loved and grows up to be as well-adjusted as she can, given her circumstances. Why don't you let me talk to her?

DH: You're not going to be able to calm her down. Every time I say something, she starts screaming. I'm fu**ing sick of it.

I could hear him trying to hand the phone to DD and I could hear her screaming in the background. And I'm wondering how I'm going to take care of this, since I'm 2 hours away from home. Suddenly DD decides she wants to talk to me after all, and I have no idea how, but I got her calmed down and she agreed to go to bed and stay in her room. Before she let me go, I asked her to hand the phone to DH. He wouldn't take the phone from her, which, of course, made her scream and cry more. Finally I just told DD that I'd get a hold of Dad later, and she should just go to bed.

DH still won't talk to me.

Probably, that's a good idea right now.

I want to tell him what I think of his parenting skills. I have no idea what kinds of things "That Guy" said to DD. I'm really afraid to find out. He and DD used to be so close. He was so much better at this before he got sick. But then I know that "That Guy" didn't show up because he was a good parent. There hasn't been a huge meltdown like this for probably a year or so. I'm worried about DD. She has a tough enough time without trying to understand that DH used to be a good dad but now he isn't because he's sick. I wish I was home so I could hug her.