Sunday, December 7, 2008

Emotional wipeout

Well, things are finally calming down. DD got through school without me being called. She got through the after-school time without being rude to her dad. And DH got through it all without being inappropriate to DD (in other words, "That Guy" stayed away, and DH did not lose his temper and/or swear at her).

DH is still angry with DD for what she said to him. But it became very clear when we talked to her last night that she didn't have a clue what she had said to him. She didn't remember any of it. So being mad at that point is kind of senseless. But I can understand why he would still be mad. I hope he can get over it relatively soon....

I tried to have us all sit down and talk about what had happened. And I tried to make sure that DH took part in the "parenting" too. But then he went off on this stupid tangent about how DD probably has a mental illness and she didn't have a choice, and she might as well get used to it..." I have no idea what he was getting at. Yes, DD will probably always have mental health problems. But I think that more than that, DH is desperate for someone to be "like" him. So he's putting these stupid things onto DD and it doesn't do any good at all. He just kept going on and on about it, and it had very little to do with DD's meltdown, and even if it did, I think that it really didn't help the situation at all. I kept talking with DD about who she should apologize to, and what she could do differently next time, and DH just wanted to keep telling her that she was stuck with mental illness, even if she didn't want it. I let him ramble about it, though, on the off chance that talking like that might have helped convince himself that he can't deny the fact that he's mentally ill. I think DD was as confused as I was as to the relevance of it, though.

Anyhow, now that things have calmed down, I really feel wiped out. Like I've had the flu for three days. My whole body is exhausted. I am so tired. I know DD is tired, too. And DH, but he's always tired. I can't wait to get home from work and go to bed.


Immi said...

I'm glad things have calmed down. I agree wholeheartedly that telling DD she has a mental illness and just better get used to it isn't useful. While we may be stuck with mental illness, we don't have to be "stuck" with it, at least not if we're congnizant and work to make the best of it. That angnosia is tough to deal with though. I'm grateful that's one thing I don't have to deal with.
I hope you can get some well-deserved rest when you get home.

Grace. said...

As I recall, your doaughter has Fetal Alcohol Effects? Been there, done that with two of my children. But FAE is NOT a mental illness and is NOT manageable with medication. So your hubby is off-base with that one. Instead FAE is organic brain damage, and must be worked around. Accepting your daughter's word that she doesn't remember what she said to cause her father's reaction, I think it is important to repeat it to her and to get her to agree that IF someone said that, it WAS the wrong thing to say. She doesn't have to agree that she did it, just get the concept that responding in whatever manner was not the way a person should act. I will say that these lessons for my kids had to be repeated ad nauseum! But if it's any consolation to you, my now 40 year old daughter with FAE is doing fine. I have hopes for the 18 year old as well, but it's too early to tell.

perphila said...

You sound emotionally wiped out. I rest is exactly the thing you need. A constant state of high stress stinks. I know...:) Be glad the the crisis is over and what you can take away from it. I think the toughest thing is not being on the same page with DH on how to handle this kind of stuff. I am more than you you already knew that anyway. I hope DD's session this week helps.

Pann said...

This is so hard - on you, and everyone involved.

I think it is so important to remember that Mental Health is something that everyone has, and just like Physical Health, you can be anywhere on a scale of Totally Fine to in Severely Bad Shape.

The difference is that people who accept and work on their Mental Health will be able to learn and grow from their efforts. Hang in there... it is worth the effort.

I wish I lived nearby so I could sit with you and have a cup of tea or coffee, and just listen or offer a hug.