"Just charge it"

When DH's mom first sold her land earlier this fall, and got her $150,000 for it, she had announced that she wanted to take us "all" (DH, me, DD and DH's two brothers) on a trip to Las Vegas. I didn't want to go, because I hate to fly, and also because I didn't want to take all that time off of work, and also, nobody would be around to take care of the animals--we usually have DH's brother housesit for us when we've gone on trips, but if he is going to Las Vegas, then we would have to board a bunch of them, resulting in lots of stress for all involved. DH didn't want to go either, because he is terrified of flying, and I think he was starting to realize how much trouble it would be to go on a trip with the entire family...

Anyhow, when she realized we really didn't want to go to Las Vegas, DH's mom decided that she was going to buy us hardwood laminate flooring for our living room, instead. She was hell bent on it, pointing out that our carpeting in the living room was at least 25 years old, and in places, it was held together by duct tape and we used rugs to cover the holes and the duct tape. So we agreed to the new flooring. DH and Jason installed it. I had shown DH a color that I was hoping to use for paint for the living room, to go with the new floor. My plan was to put a little money aside every payday until I had enough to buy the paint. The next day DH came home with two gallons of it, already mixed. "I charged it. I know I'm bad, but I wanted to surprise you." I was upset, but I couldn't do much about it, because the paint had already been mixed together, and I knew the small hardware store would lose out if I made DH bring back the already mixed paint. DH assured me that the next time his mom sent him money, he would pay for the paint. I know that didn't happen.

So....cut to today....DH and DD were scrubbing the white wainscoating in our kitchen. DH pointed out to me how much better it looked now that it had been cleaned, and I said, jokingly, but still kind of seriously, "Now don't you run out and charge paint to paint that." DD said, "Uh-oh, dad."
And really quietly, DH said, "I already did." And I was furious. I told him I'd talk to him later, because I was leaving for work.

I fumed all the way to work, about how DH is still spending money with absolutely no way to pay it back except to hit me up with the bill. And the fact that he kept on doing it, made me feel like I was being taken advantage of big time. Basically, he's forcing me to come up with money, and when he does that with little regard for my budget or feelings about something, to me, that qualifies in my mind as stealing. I was in a foul mood when I got to work.

When DH called, he told me he had given a lot of thought to the situation, and did I want to hear what he thought? I said yes. He said, "It's pretty hateful--towards me, I mean." I said, "that's what I was afraid of."

Then he said, "I have no job. I have no money. But I keep charging stuff. And I have no way of paying it back. So you end up with the bill. And that's stealing."

And I said, "That's the exact same conclusion I came to."

He said, "This paint is white. It's not mixed up yet, they can put it back on the shelf. I'm going to bring it back."

I said, "Good." "Since it's clear that you have the same thoughts as I do regarding this, I'm not going to say anything more about it right now. You know what my thoughts are."

"I was going to surprise you and paint the kitchen for you."

Me: "If you wanted to surprise me, charging stuff is not a good way to do it." "I can come up with a list about three miles long of things you can do around the house that would involve no money and would surprise me and make me very happy." (I'm thinking, like maybe fix DD's bathroom light that has been out of commission for over two years....fix the chicken house.....fold the laundry....a zillion things)

DH: "Maybe you'd better make that list, then." "I'm going to go for a walk now. I feel so small."

Me: "Are you going to hurt yourself?"

DH: "No. But I've got to go now."