Wednesday, March 17, 2010

How many kids do I have?????

Well, the Percocet thing was going pretty good, actually. DH was requesting it at proper intervals, not making it the sole topic of conversation....and it was really surprising me. And I bought him ONE two-liter bottle of pop, and he said "thanks". Not "That's all?" I was starting to feel respected. It was nice. While it lasted, anyhow.....

In our house, I believe I've probably mentioned before, there is a rule: When mom has worked all night and is finally asleep, do not knock on the door unless it is an emergency. That means that unless someone is bleeding, dead, or otherwise needs medical attention, or the house is on fire, your question waits until later. Easy enough, right?

Well, DD had a friend over on Saturday night. I worked all night on Saturday night. I got home on Sunday morning, put away the groceries that I had bought on my way home, chatted with DH a little, and went to bed at 10:45am. I knew I had to get up again at 1:30 to take my mom to the church services that they have at the nursing home (that is attached to the assisted living where she lives), because my mom won't go without me. So I didn't have much time to sleep. DH decided to take a nap too. At 11:30am, there was a knock on the door. The kids wanted help with their video game. Ok, irritating. I'll get even less sleep. Then, at about 12:15, another knock. "My friend wants to go for a 4-wheeler ride!" I was very annoyed. DD knows the rules and should have known better than to wake me/us up for that. I said that I didn't think they should get a 4-wheeler ride that day after breaking the rules and I wasn't getting to sleep. DH thought that was a good idea too.

Since I know that DH enjoys being the "cool dad" and giving 4-wheeler rides, and he also likes to show off the 4-wheeler, I thought there was a possibility that he might have broken down and given them a ride. So I asked him: "Did you end up giving them a ride?" "Nope", he said. "They shouldn't have woken you up for that." I was relieved and felt good about that.

The next day, DD was at an appointment, and she showed the nurse a long scratch on her leg. "Our cat did it", she said. It didn't really look like a cat scratch, but it wasn't something I felt like arguing about. And I try very hard not to give DD much attention for "boo-boos", because it just causes her to make an even bigger deal out of them.....

Anyhow, the NEXT day, DD's friend (the same one that had stayed over) and her family came over to look for her cell phone that had been lost. I mentally questioned why they were looking outside since they had supposedly not gone on a 4-wheeler ride. But I just started to make supper. It is my understanding, that DD and the friend's sister, who used to be one of DD's friends, were not too happy to see each other. And when DH paid attention to the sister, DD got all dramatic and decided that she was going to move out (because Dad likes HER more than me, etc...) She said some hateful things to the other family, and to DH and DH got angry. I was not aware of what was going on. DD came inside and said this: "Mom, I can't lie to you (yah right, she lies every single day). We went on a 4-wheeler ride that day. The scratch was from barbed wire. I wasn't supposed to tell you." It was apparent to me right from the get-go that she was telling me this because she was mad at her dad. But now I'm angry with everyone. DH is angry with DD for her brattiness outside, then he comes in the house and gets even more angry because now HE's in trouble, too. So he left.

I was really in a spot. It was very confusing, I'm sure, when I tried to explain to DD that when you're angry with someone, you don't go and tell someone something that you were supposed to keep a secret. And then of course I was angry because I got lied to. I'm confused myself. Mostly, though, I feel hugely disrespected.

DH apologized. He told me that DD begged for a ride and after a whole bunch of "Mom's not here, she'll never know", he gave in. I don't even care what the real story was.....I told DH "You're the grownup. You're the one with the purported self-control to say "NO". You're the one who sets limits and sticks to them." I'm getting angry telling you about it again. DH said he would try very hard to learn from this and I do honestly believe he was sorry. I told him that there are so many little things that don't require a lot of work that he chooses not to do, and they make my life more difficult--like letting Buffy off the leash, for example. He said he knows and he'll do better. I don't know, I think he needs a slap in the face, but I've never been a violent person. The whole thing is really nothing that I couldn't have predicted myself, but I WANT A PARTNER, NOT ANOTHER KID.

Unfortunately, I don't have confidence that I will have a partner, so, know what I did? I took the key to the 4-wheeler and put it in my safe. To be used for work only from now on. End of story. After all, I'm paying for it, the key is mine anyhow, right? Tee hee. That part felt good. I should've done it a long time ago.


Anonymous said...

At this point, I'm so angry at your DH for being a lazy, useless slug that I'd be happy to go to your house and slap him myself.
You are the only adult in your house.
You are mommy to your DD and to your husband.
If I were you, I'd sell the damn 4-wheeler to the highest bidder. Ten cents? Sold. Here's the key. Enjoy.

Anonymous said...

The more I think of it, the angrier I get.
What does your DH need a 4-wheeler for? His free time would be better spent picking up dog poop, cooking, cleaning the house, chopping wood, taking care of the animals and all the other chores that desperately need doing while you're working hard trying to keep things afloat.
If I had a fat, thieving, useless guy lying around my house sleeping all day, I'd toss him right out.
But then I'm not as nice as you are.

DogAteMyFinances said...

I hadn't even read the title of this post, and I was about to write that you should call it "Only Adult in the House" or something.

That thing would be sold right now if it were me. Would have been on Craigslist before I wrote this post. You must have the patience of a saint, because I would treat him like a child if he wants to act like one.

I don't know what the solution is here, and I feel like I struggle with you when you write these. But it's the same story over and over again, and the only one making an effort to improve it is you.

Anonymous said...

i truly love your writing kind, very helpful,
don't give up and keep posting seeing that it simply truly worth to look through it.
impatient to see way more of your own posts, have a good one :)

perphila said...

Taking the key is a sound decision. Lie and face the consequences. That simple. This is of course in thinking of DD. The fact that this is also for DH is disheartening. At this point I would also consider selling it. Unless you yourself have a need for it, if you don't owe anything on it and it's in good shape then help your financial situation. If there is kicking and screaming then lay it out there that this is the best choice for the family as a "whole" not just for the happiness of one person. Personal safety and better financial security trumps hurt feelings.