A somewhat surprising turn....

I went in to talk with DD's social worker about the possibility of respite or other resources. I was told that due to budget cuts, there is no respite budget at all :-(

But the social worker advised me that since DD is 17 now, she could get a waiver to allow DD to live in a group home. To me that really seemed like rejecting her. I don't think that's the answer "right now". However, I was and am willing to say that if she becomes violent again, that will be, apparently, the "other" option that we have. I can't stand violence, and even though DH did contribute to the escalation of the problem, the verbal aggression did not let up for days afterwards. So if she loses control again and hurts one of us physically, I think it will be clear that she needs something more than we can provide. Actually, right now it's pretty clear, but I'm hoping....

Don't worry, the courts/county will not allow her to go back to her "real" mom--that's what caused this in the first place!!! DD and her bio family are very well known in our area and I think every worker in the Human Services Department would fight as hard as they could to disallow something like that. It's not even an option except for DD's "wishful thinking". If she went to her bio mom, all the progress DD has made these past few years would go right down the toilet and she'd be in jail within a month, I'm sure.

Anyhow, like I was saying, I feel like sending DD to live in a group home would be a kind of rejection, and I'm absolutely sure that she would see it that way, too. But since that is the only option, I wanted to know what her therapist, who I view as a mentor of mine, thought of the group home idea. Surprisingly, she said, "Realistically, DD is not going to be able to live independently as an adult. She is always going to need some kind of living supports/assistance. So, given the fact that she will definitely be living in a group home setting in the future, does it really make a difference whether she goes now or in a year or two?" She told me that if DD had been put into a group home setting back when we got her, she would have been "shattered". But now she's 17 and although maturity-wise, she might improve somewhat, really things are not going to get much better. So basically, what she said was "Why not now? It's going to happen eventually anyhow..." Although I really don't want to admit that we might be at that point now or very soon, her comments did comfort me, because she is right--if DD is going to keep doing this, I have enough on my plate with DH and my mom....might as well have someone else deal with the crap. DD's therapist was quick to point out that DD would still be a part of the family, just like my mom is. DD would just be living somewhere else, with others to help her besides me. It gave me something to think about.

Ok. Back on track here....While the social worker and I were trying to talk to DD about this possibility, she screamed at me "Shut up!" and was chastised by the social worker--I didn't bother chastising her myself because I knew we'd end up with more problems.... that's how it's been lately. Anyhow, after the social worker told her that was NOT appropriate, DD asked to go to the hospital. The social worker called in the pdoc who was going to start DD on Depakote, but DD was adamant, she wanted to go to the hospital. Social worker, pdoc and I were all of the opinion that DD just wanted to go somewhere where she wouldn't have to deal with rules and/or consequences, like she does at home. None of us thought she would be admitted. I brought her to the E.R., though, wasted an entire day, and what do you know??? She's admitted.

And I'm kind of surprised and kind of not, but I don't miss her. Mostly I'm just relieved.