Just when you think you've heard it all

Well, to start out with things, my mom is back in the hospital. The geri-psych one, the one that did such good stuff last fall. My mom couldn't find her bathroom in her apartment again, and was not able to recognize her cat. She was not able to complete the process of using the bathroom (i.e., pull down pants, sit on toilet, wipe, etc.) I'm not nearly as confident this time, as it sounds like the doctor is kind of leaning towards "natural progression". If that's the case, my mom will probably have to move soon. That's a scary and intimidating possibility.

The nursing home is attached to her assisted living apartment(s) and is 4 miles away from my house. But it really doesn't strike me as all that compassionate, and they prescribed non-dementia-friendly medications last time my mom stayed there. Plus it's about $6,000 a month. And the money is definitely a potential issue. At that rate, her money will only barely last a year. Then there's the memory care assisted living 35 miles away. Much more knowledgeable, more compassionate, and only about $5,000 a month. But much farther away. And I just found out that there is a new "memory care" assisted living opening up in our town in August. Probably expensive, because it's new, and I don't know anything at all about it yet. None of these are optimal. So I'm mildly fretting about that, but trying hard not to put the cart before the horse....

But then....of course....DD is still hugely unstable too. Her psychologist has advised us to forego rules/consequences for now because she cannot make rational decisions right now. All we are supposed to do is concentrate on keeping her safe. So today I got home from visiting my mom in the hospital and DD comes up to my car and says "Mom, I ate some of your Weight Watchers stuff." (I buy Weight Watchers food on occasion--it's more like wishful thinking, LOL--but since DD just polished off an entire box of cereal in less than 24 hours, she has been instructed not to touch the expensive Weight Watchers stuff unless she decides to limit her caloric intake.)

I said, "Ok, well, that's the way things go sometimes...." and probably wouldn't have said anything different even if DD was stable. But she wouldn't let it go. "Aren't you going to give me a consequence?"

Me: No.

DD: But I took something that was yours. That was stealing.

Me: (in my head) Ok, that was today. What about the other 800,000 times you did something like this and had a tantrum when I pointed out that the rule is "If it isn't yours, or if you aren't sure, ask before you take it or use it."

Me: (out loud) Well, not that big of a deal.

DD: (raising her voice) YES IT IS A BIG DEAL!!!!

Me: We can talk about this when you are calmer.

DD: I AM CALM!!!!! AREN'T YOU EVEN GOING TO GIVE ME A CONSEQUENCE????

Me: No.

DD: I STOLE FROM YOU AND YOU AREN'T EVEN GOING TO DO ANYTHING??????

Me: That's right.

Me: If you want a consequence, just let it be the guilt you're feeling.

DD: I DON'T FEEL GUILTY!!!!

Me: Ok, then.

DD: Give me a punishment!!!!!

Me: Maybe later.

DD: (in my face) YOU HAVE TO BE A MOM, THAT'S WHAT MOMS DO. YOU HAVE TO BE A MOM RIGHT NOW!!!!

Me: Um...no I don't.

DD: (in dramatic disbelief) What???!!!!! What???!!!

DD: So you really don't want me. I knew it!!!! (Runs to the bathroom and slams the door and starts screaming at the top of her lungs) (then starts slamming her body against the bathroom door) (really hard).

Me: (to myself, in my head) This is the absolute dumbest argument I've ever had.

DD: Ahhhhh (still screaming) (and hitting the door)

Suddenly, DD realized that all of her door hitting has caused the door to be damaged and now she can't get out of the bathroom. She started screaming for someone to let her out. By this time I wasn't in the best mood (as you might have guessed) and DH was trying to sleep. I told her that she had made the decision to damage the door. And I didn't let her out. (All of this took place in about a minute's time). DH woke up when she started screaming for him. At first he started laughing because it was so stupid, but then he got really angry and told her he'd open the door, but only if she wasn't going to do that any more. So he opened the door. SLAM!!!! Back shut, more pounding. Door itself is now broken. She is still screaming. I told DH to go to work, since he's so new to his job it wouldn't be good for him to miss work on a busy weekend night....and DD started screaming "BOTH OF YOU GO!!!! JUST MAKE SURE THE SHED (that's where DH keeps the one remaining gun that he hasn't pawned yet)IS LOCKED!!!!"

At that point, I told DH that he could call 911, and he did. The sheriff's deputy came out and an ambulance. I was really upset (of course). This is the first time ever that we've had to call for help with DD. Of course, when she realized that we really did call 911, she calmed right down. What that means, I'm afraid to venture a guess....When it was all said and done, I was 5 hours late for work, and that wasn't good (luckily, of course, I've been there for quite some time, so they know that if something like that happens, things must really be bad....) and DD has been re-hospitalized. Of course it's two hours away from home.....

When it rains, it really pours, doesn't it????