Hold that thought(s).

This post is the story of my week so far. Kind of long, kind of full of teenage drama, and kind of just a snapshot into how things are sometimes at my house....

Friday: DD wants to have a friend over. I'm working an extra shift, so I know it's going to annoy me (having anyone over who doesn't live there is hard for me), but since I know that it's so important to DD, I say ok. I remind DH and DD about the rule we have about not doing two sleepovers in a row (meaning that tomorrow night said friend will sleep at her own house.) (and meaning that I know eventually I won't have a houseguest)...

Saturday: DD does great with friend. They have a lot of fun. So does DH. He's having a great time being the "cool dad" and taking the girls for rides on the four-wheeler. DH takes me aside and says "DD wants "friend" to stay overnight again." I say no. Remember that rule? It's there because DD cannot "keep it together" through two sleepovers, and even when she does succeed, she ends up having a meltdown as soon as "friend" goes home. So no.

So DH tells me that "friend"'s parents had mentioned that they had some overnight houseguests who were not very nice. They are the "friend"'s uncle and aunt, who are at that house because they actually own the house and just pop in to have a drunken argument whenever they're in the neighborhood. DH puts me on the spot, because now I feel like I'll be sending "friend" into the lion's den, if I continue to say "no".
So, I tentatively reconsider, with DH promising that a) the girls will go to bed at a reasonable time and b) they will be put to sleep in separate rooms (friend will sleep on the couch). And DD promising that she can handle it, or else no friends over for the rest of the month.....Ok, we'll see.

So at 6pm DH decides to take the girls fishing on the boat (the boat is basically a rowboat with a motor--we could probably sell it for a hundred bucks or maybe even a little more, but I'm not sure it'd be worth the trouble...). Ok, no big deal. I laid down for a nap, because I had to work at 10pm. They weren't home when I left for work (9pm) but I know that since DH had promised me (and he usually doesn't break promises), they'll be home soon. At midnight I call the house from work and they still aren't home. At 1am he called to tell me that they had run out of gas in the middle of the lake and had to call a friend of his for help. So the girls didn't get to bed until about 2am (so much for a reasonable time)...but he did put them to bed in separate rooms, anyhow....

Sunday: I'm sleeping after working all night. DD's bio mom calls, wondering about their weekly visit. She wants to bring DD to a movie. Instantly, DD becomes very rude to her friend, telling her that what she wanted to do was stupid and ordering her to go home. DH called her on it, reminding her of her promise, and she flew into a tantrum--screaming and crying, so DH brought friend home, and told DD that she was not going to be allowed to go to the movie, and that her bio mom could come over to our house to visit, instead. That did not sit well with DD either. She flew into an even bigger rage. DH called her bio mom to tell her what was going on, and bio mom, after hearing the screaming in the background, elected not to come over, saying her visits are a privilege. DD made some comments that almost sounded like she was accusing DH of being abusive, but not quite. He got very angry and told her he would never abuse her in any way, ever. (and he never would, no matter how unbalanced he is at the time)....She told him that he had brain damage and wouldn't remember anything he did anyway. She ran in the house and DH was not able to open the screen door, as she either had it locked or was holding it or whatever (see below). He told her that he could break the door if he had to, and she went to her room, screaming. DH woke me up to tell me what was going on.

I told him to just leave her be, which he did. About 20 minutes later, DD wanted to "talk" about what happened, so she came out into the living room to talk, and all she did was argue every little point, like when DH brought up the screen door, and that she had locked him out, she said "I DIDN'T LOCK IT, I WAS HOLDING IT!" and it was clear that she wasn't going to accept responsibility for any of this. Her attitude was snotty, and I told her that we were done talking until she was ready to talk and listen in a respectful way. She started screaming that she was ready, and that proved to me that she wasn't ready. So I got up to do some laundry, including the blanket that "friend" had used when she slept on the couch. But DD, when she saw me grab it, grabbed the other end and wouldn't let go. I told her to go to her room. She said no. I warned her that she was going to start losing privileges, she said she didn't care. I told her that if she didn't go into her room right now, that she was not going up north to DH's mom's next summer, and summer camp would be out of the question too. She looked at me like I was Hitler, but kept on screaming at the top of her lungs. Then DH said, "Ok, in addition to no friends coming over for the rest of this month, you've got another month!" Once again, she said she didn't care. So then DH said, "Alright, no Winter Formal!" (That was the highlight of her school year last year, her first dress-up dance.) She started to scream that he couldn't do that, and he said "If you don't get in your room by the time I count to three, I sure will do that!" So she finally went into her room. She screamed at the top of her lungs for about 10 more minutes, then everything was quiet.

She was, in fact, packing to leave. She had all of her favorite stuff in trash bags and was ready to leave. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a drivers license or a car (oh too bad) and we live out in the middle of nowhere. She told us she was leaving home and she was going to go live with "friend2", a friend she (up until about an hour prior) hated with a passion for spreading "rumors". Sad for her, friend2's parents don't have a car....so DD called her pca but her pca didn't answer. About 5 minutes later, the pca called to see why we had called her, and I told her what was going on and knew that she (the pca) would never drive DD anywhere without our permission....

I knew DD was doing all this drama just to get attention. She wanted us to un-focus on the fact that she had been a jerk and incurred a bunch of crappy consequences, and re-focus on the fact that "Oh, no, DD, please don't go, we love you so much!!!" But I didn't buy into it, and neither did DH, we just let her keep packing. Then she asked us to drive her to someone's house where she could stay, and when we both said no way, sorry, you're on your own for this one, she started screaming again and ran into her room and shut the door. She screamed for about another half hour and then fell asleep for the night.

I went to work.

Monday: I debated whether I should send DD to school or not. I decided that the routine would help her get back to earth, so she went off to school. After school, she seemed a little remorseful, and did her homework without whining....so I was thinking that we'd get an apology soon, at least....she usually apologizes when she knows she's been awful....instead....

"Friend"'s dad came over. He is going to bow-hunt for deer on our land next week and, if he gets one, we will get half of the meat. So he wanted to go back in the woods and scout out his strategy. DH and the dad were chatting, and DD came outside and told the dad that "Friend isn't allowed to come over for two whole months!" So then DH had to kind of give a basic summary of why, so the dad would know that it wasn't anything to do with his daughter....so DH said, "DD had some bad behavior and got some pretty severe consequences." The dad said to DD, "Wow, you must've been pretty bad, huh?" DD says, in absolute seriousness, "Yeah, I was really really bad. They kicked me out."

Oh for Pete's sake. So now what does the school think of us?????

Still Monday: After all of this, my mom called. I was already on my way to see her. When I got there, my mom was very depressed, just so sad. "What's the matter?" I said. She said, "I forgot to tell you....there's a banquet tomorrow....they told me a few days ago, but I forgot all about it...."

The banquets are 3 or 4 times a year, all the people at the assisted living can have 2 guests, and everyone gets dressed up for a fancy dinner. It's big doings for a lot of those folks...

I told her that I was scheduled to train with my boss on Tuesday, so I would have to have DH go to the banquet with her. Then she said that she wasn't going to go. I told her it would be fun. No, she would feel out of place. And she didn't have anything to wear. And she really didn't feel like it anyhow....and then she started crying. I felt so helpless. I wound up calling my boss on Tuesday and begging for a few hours to go to the banquet. I helped my mom find something to wear, and DH came, and it was very nice. I'm glad I went, and I'm really glad my mom went. The depression has me worried, but we have an appointment on Friday afternoon with the Dr., and I'm hoping maybe he'll prescribe an antidepressant....

So after the banquet, I had my 2 hour commute to my full-time job. I got there and everything I touched didn't work. Systems went down, there were problems from other departments that I couldn't figure out, and my "routine" was kind of discombobulated, because I was five hours late to work....anyhow, I left work at 5am and got home at 7am.

Tuesday: After getting home at 7am, I got up at 11am and ran to pick up a prescription for DH, and some money for my mom to get her hair done at the beauty salon (that's right inside the assisted living facility) Thursday. Then I ran home, made sure everyone was fed/watered/pottied, and drove back to work.

I'm still at work now. The system that I need is working, but very slowly, so I'm having a lot of downtime (obviously). But when I re-read all of this, I can see why sometimes the house is a mess and the lawn isn't pretty :-(

Yikes.