Sunday, January 13, 2008

Today was a nice day, but I'm a worrywart

Well, DH is really staying true to his promise to go to Spenders every week without having a tantrum like he did a couple of weeks ago. He got right up this morning and went.

When he got home, he told me how glad he was that he went. He told me that today they talked about shame and DH said that he talked about some things like what a bind he has put me in and also about how his mom gave him that money to file bankruptcy and he spent it all, and he apparently also talked about the fact that he stole those gold dollars from me. I thought that was very interesting, because a lot of times I think that he has either forgotten all about that stuff, or when "That Guy" is anywhere in the vicinity, DH doesn't care who he's hurt.

Later on in the day, DH's cousin and her daughter (that's a whole other post) came to visit, and I made spaghetti. We were talking about Jason and how the dogs and cats were getting on Jason's nerves the last time he was over. I said "I have never seen Jason get irritated with the animals." And DH said, "that's because he acts different when you're around. He gets all happy and he loves the animals a lot. I'm not blowing smoke here, but I think you've got some kind of aura that makes people happy. Jason's not the only one." LOL, I told him I thought he was blowing smoke, but secretly, I thought it was a really super-nice thing to say, especially in front of his cousin and Jim, too.....see, it's things like that, well, he used to say stuff like that all the time when he was normal, where even though I know I don't have any special aura or anything, the idea that he thinks of that stuff feels really flattering and good. Unfortunatley, since the bipolar really showed up, comments like that are few and far between. But when he does make those kinds of comments, I remember why I'm married to him still, despite all the bad stuff, and I know he still loves me, even if it's not the way I envisioned.

One thing that did alarm me, though, was that about a half hour after he left for Spenders, DH called me on the phone. Here's how the conversation went, pretty shocking, and I don't know what, if anything we should be doing about it right now:

DH: Hi, I'm sorry to wake you up
Me: That's ok, what's wrong?
DH: You're not going to believe this...
Me: "Try me." I figured that he ran out of gas, or his car broke down or something like that.
DH: Um, I can't remember where I'm going. Why am I driving again?
Me: Are you serious?
DH: Yes, I can't remember where I'm going.
Me: Well, you're going to (city).
DH: Ok, but why am I going there again?
Me: "You're going to Spenders, remember?" At this point I thought maybe he was getting drowsy or something.
DH: Spenders?
Me: Yeah, at that church, you remember where it is?
DH: Yes I do. Oh honey that was so weird. I'm really shook up. All of a sudden I had no idea where I was going.

I didn't know what to say to this. I kind of told him that maybe he was just tired, but he didn't buy it. We still haven't gotten any of those results back from the neuro-psychologist that he saw back in November, and that's kind of weird, too. I'm hoping that when DH goes to his regular Dr. later this month, she'll have the results so that we'll have something to go on.

There have been some times lately, with DH's memory lapses, when I have wondered if maybe he is experiencing the beginning of some strange early-onset type of dementia. But I haven't found much at all regarding that, so for the most part, except for mildly wondering about it, I'm discounting that for now. But I think the memory problems are getting worse. And I'm too inexperienced at this to know if it's a new/different problem, or just a different manifestation of his mental illness, or if it's a side effect of his medications....?


perphila said...

Hey there,
I would be concerned too. It is good you are aware enough to even BE concerned and not just pushing it aside. I did that. My husband would do things at first like come into the room and just stare. I would ask him what was up and he would say he could remember why he came in the room. I just wrote it off because I do the same thing sometimes. It was just the staring way he did it that was bothersome. Then he began to forget conversations. One instance was when were talking about his depression (at the time I was no aware what were really dealing with is bipolar) and I asked him if he knew about the symptoms of depression and causes and treatments. He said no. I told him I would find some websites and print things out for him. He agreed. The next day I came to him with the information ad he lokked ticked off at me. He demanded to know what I was giving him. I told him it was the information we talked about and he said he didn't remember talking about that. I was really stunned. He said I did it on my own and was trying to pidgen hole him in some catagory. I tld him we were in the kitchen, the time of day and what I could remember of the conversation. He refused to say it happened. I thought by talking to him it would jog his memory but it didn't. Things like that began to happen a lot. What was more concerning was him coming from another room and asking me, what? I was confused. He said he heard me calling him. I never did. He would laugh and said he could have sworn I had called him. I would laugh and say no. It happened more and more. I couldn't write it off anymore. I just wish I had been more aware. It was never some big huge things. Just little collections of small events that could happen to anyone but when looked as a whole now can be seen as a real problem. I don't know if I could say he was experiencing dementia. I have no qualifications to say so. I also sometimes feel I was never given the oppertunity to tell his doctor all the things I saw. Some I did but now that he is gone and I have time to reflect and go oer everything I am amazed at all the things I missed. I feel I let him down in a huge way. I always thought of myself as intelligent. I know I was not educated in the illness but how moany things I wrote off or settled for, for myself and the kids. Just being aware sounds simple but really when you in the middle of things is actually very difficult. I find now that writing everything down helps. If anything bothers you write it down. It is easy to push little concerns aside and forget and say well, it wasn't that bad. Seeing it written down then you can see the pattern of behavior and have something to go to the doctor with. Even if it seems like nothing now at the time you wrote it down it must have felt like something then. Good for you for being concerned.

Pann said...


You should be concerned, and I am too.

I remember you mentioned some neurological issues coming up, but that getting over shadowed by his bipolar issues.

I think you should contact his doctor right away. Who knows, it could be a medication side effect or could be something more serious...

I don't want to alarm you, but just suggest that you take it very seriously and get him checked out soon.