Thursday, January 10, 2008

Good news or bad news, depending

I got called by a person who is a supervisor at my part-time job, asking me if I want to take an overnight shift (10 hours) at a different location on one of the nights that I currently am not working anyplace. I jumped at the opportunity.

So now, I will be working 66 hours a week instead of 56, but that extra shift will bring the budget hugely closer to being "balanced".

So it's good news as financially, more money is always good. And good news, because apparently that company thinks I am a good and dependable worker. Not so good that I have to spend yet 10 more hours away from home a week, but I guess it's better than the bank coming after me...

I've been really worried ever since I figured out how bad off things really are. So this was really a big relief. And I'm kind of excited about a new "adventure", too, at least for a few weeks, until it just turns into "work".


perphila said...

hi there,
I saw your post on David's blog and saw yours and thought I would take a look. I had thought of doing something like this myself. I tried writing in a journal but I fine being online easier. This blog inspires me. Finding time though is another story. When people think of addictions spending money isn't always the first thing that comes to mind. it is so true however as I can you you know all too well. My husband does the same thing. All these years I feel like a fool for trsuting and believing in him in how he handled our finances. We got by so I didn't worry too much. he had a good job and I was raising our kids. I would come to him from time to time asking to help and reminding him to keep me informed. he was resentful. I had heard so many stories about marriages ending in divorce over money and I didn't want to be a statisic. I guess my head was buried in the sand. My husband suffered from undiagnosed depression for years. I had gotten him to go to therapy once but he stopped after a few months. At the time he was not medicated. In hindsight I can see there was signs of bipolar but I was uneducated at that point and did not see the signs. By the time I realized what was going on it was too late. he had spent our kids college fund. Quit work. Spent my savings by getting the password and transfering funds. Took money the same way from our oldest sons savings. Cashed in retirement accounts and ended the childrens and my life insurance. Got seven credit cards which he was paying off with my savings. He has left our home now and I am getting calls from bill collectors. I am under my husbands medical insurance and when I went to my doctor they told me he wasn't getting reimbursed because the checks were sent to the policy holder (my husband). Come to find out he cashed them and spent them. $3000 worth. Now I am responsible for the bill. I can not see the doctor anymore until it is paid and had to find new insurance through the state. I do not have a job as of yet. I have a toddler at home and haven't had a job in 16 years being a stay at home mom. I have been picking up odd jobs here and there to make ends meat and am using welfare for the first time in my life. Where i live ( an island) makes getting a job hard. I am working out a budget and we need at least $2000 a month to get by. Four kids need a lot. How do you survive? I am trying to figure out if trying to save my marriage is the right thing to do. He wants a divorce and we are in the middle of it now. He isn't taking meds like he is supposed to or even seeing a doctor anymore. The money issue is at the top of my list now since he doesn't help us at all. The is all so fustrating.

Carol said...

Hi, I'm very sad to hear about what you are dealing with. I always feel so sorry for myself, but then I know that situations like yours are not uncommon and I try to be grateful that I only have the issues I'm dealing with now.

I think if I were you (and even though I'm not), here are my thoughts:

It takes two people to make a marriage. You (or I) cannot be a couple all by ourselves. I have said this to DH before, that even though I know there are a lot of things that frustrate me, and a lot of things that he is unable to do at this time, as long as he is doing what he needs to (i.e., going to appts, taking meds, etc.) in order to get better, I will keep trying. But when he stops trying to make things better, then I am going to be on my own. If he doesn't care to try, then I don't care to help. It's like "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." As long as he "drinks the water", I'll keep trying. Does that make any sense?

I think you should talk to an attorney asap about your finances, too. And review a lot of frugal living websites and books at the library, too. You'd be surprised what you can live without, maybe you can trim your budget down a little.

In the meantime, can you do some babysitting, or temp work or something to get some money coming in? And check with churches and social service agencies in your area, there are some programs for women in "displaced homemaker" situations. Don't be afraid or too proud to take advantage of these programs, you (via your DH and otherwise) have paid taxes for these programs for many years.

I hope some of this helps, it sounds like you are handling things as best you can. If you could find some low-cost counseling, I think that would help, too, but I totally understand about the insurance situation, so that might not be possible right now.

Please just hang in there, things will get better!!!