Bipolar is always there. Sometimes more than usual.

DH has been sliding back somewhat, mental health wise.  I think it has to do with me starting the new job and not being around so much, maybe?  That's all I can think of, anyhow....he's been "forgetting" to take his pills more often (so I end up being the pill nagger), and he's been starting to spend a lot of time in the bedroom watching Frasier reruns again.  For hours on end, when he's not working.  At least he hasn't been fired yet....that money is going to be very important this winter, since my new job does not pay as much as my old full time job did.

DH is supposed to have gotten his lithium and depakote levels measured at the clinic way back in July.  I remind him to do that EVERY SINGLE DAY and he tells me he'll schedule it and then he doesn't.  One day I scheduled the appointment for him, and he "couldn't get up" to go.  It's getting really frustrating, because it's possible that the lab appointment could pinpoint why he's been struggling.

Right now, being married to a bipolar husband is like swimming with a 10-pound weight around my ankle--I can do it, and I can get where I want to go, but everything is a lot harder than it should be, and nothing is done as "prettily" as it would be--like garbage.  DH, when I'm not home (and he's not healthy mentally), is apparently, as of late, incapable of dealing with garbage.  When the garbage in the kitchen gets full, instead of emptying it into the garbage can that the garbage hauler picks up, DH just throws the bag onto the deck.  I HATE this, because to me, the deck is a part of our living space, and I wouldn't throw garbage into the living room just because I was being lazy....but anyhow....when I see garbage on the deck, I stubbornly refuse to put it in the right spot, because it's not that hard, and he is making things harder for me if I go along with that.  Ok, at this point, he's making things harder anyhow...sigh....anyhow, it can take DAYS of nagging for me to be able to get him to put the garbage in the right place (remove it from the deck and put it in the can).  And he's back to his old habit of just throwing his pop cans wherever they happen to land, too.   I can't help but fantasize about how much less cleaning stress there would be if it was just me living there.  How many more things would get finished when they got started.....one of the hard things is, though, that he has the skills and knowledge to do a lot of the fixit stuff around the house and I don't.  So I depend on him to do the fixit stuff, and usually he starts something, and then doesn't finish it until I start looking for someone to pay to get it done.

There is so much around our house that should be getting done.  I am only one person and it seems like if I can work 60 hours a week and still manage to clean the litter boxes, clean up after Sarah, take care of the chickens and geese and also do laundry, that maybe he could do something too, besides watching tv.  Yes, that does sound resentful, doesn't it?

I do know, as I've said before, that he doesn't do this on purpose.  But I also feel, when he doesn't even TRY to help himself (i.e. by going to his lab appointment etc) that it is not a joint effort.  If he was trying to help himself but still having troubles, I would be a lot less frustrated because I would know that he's trying.  But he's not.  And I'm ready to scream.  I suspect things'll get better, but right now I'm really feeling dragged down.

I know I need to readjust my expectations, like I have in the past, and not expect anything at all from him, then be pleasantly surprised if he does something.  But it's not even just a matter of him not doing things, it's a matter of him making things worse than the need to be, and that is what is frustrating me the most today.