I hate believing.

Well, I'm kind of "tying up loose ends" at my full time job. Updating my resume, cleaning out my desk, and all that. In the meantime, I'm applying for a few things, but I'm not overly hopeful.

DH says a lot of things like "There is no excuse why I wouldn't have a job by June." and "I've had three years off, now I need to help out!" And I think back to the time(s) when things were "normal" and that same girl that got married to a guy who was hard-working, financially independent, responsible...that girl believes him.

And then we have this conversation (sometimes on the same day):
Me: Are you up yet?
DH: No, but I'm getting up now. I'm going to go apply for at least three jobs today.
Me: Oh good!
(3 hours later)
Me: How's your job search going?
DH: Um.
Me: Did you apply for anything?
DH: Um. I went back to sleep.

Or this one:
Me: Did you apply for anything?
DH: Yes, I applied for a job.
Me: Oh, where?
DH: At (***) Company, where I worked before.
(where he was a Manager, a high-level corporate employee, where he resigned, citing "too stressful" and took the job as a jailer instead.
Me: You know, you really need to apply for things that are realistic. That don't involve huge decisions or huge responsibilities. I know it's hard, but you are setting yourself up to fail, if you talk your way into a position and you can't do the job.
DH: But I can't do that! That's not who I am. I've always had responsible jobs.


So. Either he can't get out of bed to even look for a job, or he'll be wasting time applying for jobs that he's no longer qualified to do, and is not capable of doing, even if he were to be hired.

That girl still wants to think that he'll "take care of" her....it'd sure be a lot easier, trying to find a new job, knowing that there was still some reasonable income....but me....well, I've learned a few things since I got married, and I need to look at this as "I'll be doing it all myself." And that's scary.