Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Well, I said it.

We have a dog, Buffy. She's a pure-bred collie (like Lassie). I might have mentioned her before--we got her when the veterinarian called and said "The owners want to put this dog to sleep. We don't think they should, and they've said that if we can find the dog a home right away, that we won't have to put her to sleep. Can you help?"

I never really wanted a collie. I much prefer short-haired dogs. I hate messing around with grooming stuff. But Buffy is a wonderful dog, no bad habits, very gentle, just perfect. Except the fur. See, we live in the country, and no matter what I do, there is burdock. It's in places where I never even look. It's everywhere, even when I make a huge effort to eradicate it, it's still there.

And Buffy is a bur magnet. We don't have a fenced in yard, but she stays pretty close to the house most of the time. It seems, though, that no matter what, she will ALWAYS find the burdock and come home with tons of burs woven into her long fur. Because it is next to impossible for me to have time to remove burs every single day from this dog, I requested/demanded that Buffy be on a leash all the time. Even when she's being brought to the chain outside, because if she even has one minute of freedom, she will have burs. Then I brought her and had her professionally groomed (this was last spring).

DH, however, doesn't seem to think the rule applies to him. Several times now, I have had to tell DH, "I am not buying one more drop of pop until you remove all the burs from Buffy's fur." He would remove the burs (with a lot of grumbling) and still not learn from the experience. This past week, however, I got sick of it. Over Christmas, even my mother in law was trying to remove burs from Buffy. So I went ahead and de-burred her as best I could. Then last night I noticed that she has burs AGAIN!!!! So I said to DH, "Have you been letting Buffy run loose again?" and he said, "Well, not all the time...." and I blew a gasket. I told him that Buffy is full of burs because he is lazy. Yep, I used the "L" word. I probably should use it more often. But it really applies here, because what it boils down to is that DH is too damn lazy to bend over and put a leash on the dog, walk her ten steps to the tie-out, and remove the leash and attach the tie-out.

I think he was shocked that I said that. Right away he got that "wallowing" voice and said "I'll take care of her burs tomorrow night." We'll see if he does, but it got me wondering if maybe I need to point this out more often. Because, really, he is absolutely the most lazy person I've ever met. Although DD ranks a close second.

I have tried to avoid using the "L" word, because I guess I didn't want to admit it to myself. DH was always such a hard worker when we first got married. And I didn't want to accuse him of being Lazy if the problem really was a mental illness issue. But it really doesn't take that much ambition to hook up the darn dog. Not only that, but hooking up the dog saves me money and time. So shouldn't he WANT to do that? I dunno.


perphila said...

I know what you mean!

How much is the mental health issue and how much is just a personality flaw? Did the mental illness just make a mountain out of what before was a manageable mole hill? We all have flaws. Sometimes we are better at managing them and sometimes we show them off like stars in the night. I have asked myself hundreds of times if Sean was always such a toad. In short, yes. Just more of a tadpole.
Sometimes we do what we have to even if we hate it with every fiber of our being but when the mental illness comes into play that part of us that keeps us going and pushing and doing the right thing is just gone. Missing. Maybe DH always wanted to be lazy but knew he couldn't. He KNOWS he shouldn't but just can't be motivated enough to take action on what he knows.
The only thing so far that has helped me with Sean and Connor is setting up limits and boundaries. I know what I can handle and what I can't. No pop until the bur problem is resolved sounds like a great limit.
Yes, you said it. Don't beat yourself up about it. I am sure he has thought it about himself as well. You can't live in fear of what you may or may not say that will upset him. I did it and it only made things worse. You can say sorry for name calling and patiently explain your feelings and what you have chosen to do because of them. He can take it or leave it. That puts things in his court. If he really wants that pop then he will do what he has to do to get it.
I know this is a no brainer but these are all things he could learn in therapy. If only, if only. Another thing I know the frustration of...when your loved one refuses to go.

obladi oblada said...

I too know what you mean. Im tempted to say that at my house sometimes too, but I havent.

The task of taking the dog to the tie out doesnt seem a lot to ask...anyone.

You could always give her a hair cut!

Reighnie said...

I got into it with my sister over the phone. I got tired of her helpless, hopeless drill without even hearing what I was saying. It's like while I was telling her something she was thinking of a way to refute it. Not even anything bad. I was telling her she wasn't being irrational and she was arguing with me.

So I let her have it. I mean, I know before, she would've wanted to know if she was acting like an ass so, yeah I was worried about calling her out and she ranted and raved but in her case (thankfully) she needed to hear it.

I was terrified, but I was also at the end of my rope with her and the conversation. I don't think it makes you a bad person. It makes you human.

Anonymous said...

My brother in law has the same type of dog and they ended up getting her a haircut because of the the same problems. It does save a lot of work and stress.

Immi said...

Sometimes lazy is just lazy. It's not always easy to tell, but you have a right to have feelings and ups and down too. It's human.

Miz Kizzle said...

Yes! Call him lazy if it works. Obviously you hit a nerve.
From the way you describe your DH he does practically nothing all day but lie around smoking and drinking soda and feeling sorry for himself. Inertia feeds on itself. He needs to get his heiner out of the recliner and help out around the house.
It would help with his weight problem if he were more active and he'd notice a lift in his mood from the serotonin produced by physical exercise.