Thursday, December 10, 2009

Whew. This is hard.

Today I had two "workshops" for the "to-be-laid-off-soon" folks in my company. One was an "emotions are ok" and "your feelings are normal" class. That was the first time I saw some of the other people who got the axe. OMG. People I've worked with the entire time I've been there. People who trained me. One lady has put in 33 years, and only had two more years until retirement. It was very sad, but also it was (not sure of the word) (good? no) anyhow, I was relieved to see all of these other people there, because I didn't feel so alone.

The second one was a "we'll help you do your resume" one, and that one was sad, too.

So now I'm just basically feeling hopeless and depressed. I emailed out a bunch of resumes just so I could have some "irons in the fire". But really, what do I want to do? Do I want another corporate job with a 2 hour commute? Or a minimum wage job closer to home?

And DH. He says he is going to go out on Monday and find a job. I really hope that is true, because this will not work without him working. That's it, plain and simple. I'll have to file for bankruptcy unless he can start contributing. And even then I might have to. That's scary. And the thought that DH might end up with no health insurance, that is scary, too. It's all terrifying, and tonite I am not having any of that "It's a new opportunity" stuff. I'm scared that I've worked so very hard to keep it all together, and now just when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it turns out to be a train.

I'm really stuck in this pity party. And I think that having to come to work every day and relive it all again is definitely not helping me get past this. Someone else in one of the classes today commented on that, it's heartbreaking. None of my coworkers who didn't get laid off know what to say to me, and I don't know what to say to anyone, laid off or not. Very awkward.

Oh. And to top it all off???? Yesterday morning I was feeding all the animals and I realized the water pressure was very very low. So I went into the basement to see if maybe the water softener was turned off or something weird, and the water heater was spraying water all over the basement. (Don't worry, it's unfinished, no water damage, just financial damage)....and where on earth would a new water heater come from? I'm still not sure, but DH's mom has volunteered to get us one for Christmas. So there goes the humility thing again, but it's like the tires....really gotta have it, if at all possible....

Things are so rotten, I just want to say "Bah, Humbug!" "How dare Christmas come when I'm feeling like this?"

On Christmas Eve, we usually get together and play party games--I'm in charge of the games and the prizes. This year it's been hard to care. I've really gotta get on the ball.


alittlebird said...

I haven't commented on your blog before, but I just want to bring one thing up...don't forget you will have unemployment coming in (have you applied yet?) while you look for another job. And, while you're home you can help your DH get and keep a job, which will be better for him than sitting around the house smoking and drinking coke, not to mention the additional income. Don't panic! There are ways to survive and you might end up better and stronger in the long run.


perphila said...

Now the hot water heater?

What the heck! Right?

When you said how dare christmas come I started laughing. I totally get it. I had been feeling the same thing. It is hard to care when it seems like things are falling apart around you. Just growl and grumble and make yourself to it and in the end I know you will be glad you "went through the motions".

At least during those moments you can not worry about the future and be glad you at least have what you do.

Miz Kizzle said...

You can check with the company that provides your heat, gas or oil, electric or propane. Most supply water heaters at low cost and you can spread out the payments. Some have assistance for low-income homeowners.