Whew. This is hard.

Today I had two "workshops" for the "to-be-laid-off-soon" folks in my company. One was an "emotions are ok" and "your feelings are normal" class. That was the first time I saw some of the other people who got the axe. OMG. People I've worked with the entire time I've been there. People who trained me. One lady has put in 33 years, and only had two more years until retirement. It was very sad, but also it was (not sure of the word) (good? no) anyhow, I was relieved to see all of these other people there, because I didn't feel so alone.

The second one was a "we'll help you do your resume" one, and that one was sad, too.

So now I'm just basically feeling hopeless and depressed. I emailed out a bunch of resumes just so I could have some "irons in the fire". But really, what do I want to do? Do I want another corporate job with a 2 hour commute? Or a minimum wage job closer to home?

And DH. He says he is going to go out on Monday and find a job. I really hope that is true, because this will not work without him working. That's it, plain and simple. I'll have to file for bankruptcy unless he can start contributing. And even then I might have to. That's scary. And the thought that DH might end up with no health insurance, that is scary, too. It's all terrifying, and tonite I am not having any of that "It's a new opportunity" stuff. I'm scared that I've worked so very hard to keep it all together, and now just when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it turns out to be a train.

I'm really stuck in this pity party. And I think that having to come to work every day and relive it all again is definitely not helping me get past this. Someone else in one of the classes today commented on that, it's heartbreaking. None of my coworkers who didn't get laid off know what to say to me, and I don't know what to say to anyone, laid off or not. Very awkward.

Oh. And to top it all off???? Yesterday morning I was feeding all the animals and I realized the water pressure was very very low. So I went into the basement to see if maybe the water softener was turned off or something weird, and the water heater was spraying water all over the basement. (Don't worry, it's unfinished, no water damage, just financial damage)....and where on earth would a new water heater come from? I'm still not sure, but DH's mom has volunteered to get us one for Christmas. So there goes the humility thing again, but it's like the tires....really gotta have it, if at all possible....

Things are so rotten, I just want to say "Bah, Humbug!" "How dare Christmas come when I'm feeling like this?"

On Christmas Eve, we usually get together and play party games--I'm in charge of the games and the prizes. This year it's been hard to care. I've really gotta get on the ball.