Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I had no idea.

I had no idea that I would respond to losing my job by freaking out. I haven't even officially lost it yet, but I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and all I can think is "What am I going to do????" Last night I had a dream about all the people I got laid off with, all the people I've worked with for (nearly) decades....I woke up and was sad. Then I immediately shifted into the "What am I going to do?" mode and couldn't get back to sleep.

In all reality, I did not like the job. And I hate(d) the commute. In all reality, I have more opportunities than most, and at least one plan, maybe more than one plan, if the dislocated worker people come through with some paid training.

I already have a part time job, which I am in no danger of losing.

I knew the layoff was coming, I knew it as soon as the outsourcing was announced.

So why am I freaking out???????

Probably because I've never, since I was 16, been unemployed. And I've always been one of those people who (smartly) found the next job before leaving the previous one. But now I have to sit here and wait. I could apply for all sorts of stuff, stuff that pays $9 an hour, with the 2 hour commute....or I can sit and wait and see if a) more people are hiring after the holidays and b) am I going to get some (re)training. It just kills me to send in my resume for a job 90 miles away, that pays so little. But I know that beggars can't be choosers, either....it gives me a headache just thinking about it all....

DH is, unfortunately, not much more motivated than usual. He hasn't gone out to look for a job since that one day. I hope, though, that he got the plow hooked up to the four-wheeler, because we are going to get walloped in the snow department.

I'm kind of excited about a big snowstorm. Especially since I don't have to work anywhere on any of the days....I had taken a vacation day for Dec. 24, and of course I'm off on the 25th....don't have to be anywhere until Saturday night :-)

Plus, I get paid from both jobs on the 24th, and I have only done about $15 in Christmas shopping so far....but that was GOOD shopping, LOL. I got DD an Aeropostale hoodie and a brand new pair of jeans at the thrift store, for .75 EACH!!!! And then a gorgeous sweater for her (but I'm not sure if it'll fit or not) for $3.50. And I got DH two coffee mugs that are from the "fixit" store "Menards"--the handles are shaped like bolts, they're like little tool mugs (yup, at the thrift store, too)....

Right now my plan is....leave work Wednesday a couple of hours early, take a couple of hours of vacation. Get to WalMart asap, and since it will be Dec. 24 by then, finish up my shopping. But if the weather's too bad, I'll just stick with what I've got, because it's such a long drive. From what I've heard, the snow isn't supposed to start until late tomorrow (Wednesday) night, then we can (according to the latest forecast) expect up to 20 inches(!) of snow! So I'm hoping we don't have to drive down to my brother's for Christmas dinner (that's a 90 mile drive, too) and maybe we can postpone. That'd be a nice present for me!

I've pretty much told myself that job-hunting is just going to have to wait until Christmas....but I'll keep checking all the good "jobs" sites and force myself to apply for at least one or two, just to make myself feel like I'm doing something besides just sitting here....

Oh. Forgot to tell you....tomorrow I'm scheduled to take the test to be a census worker in my county....it would pay better than McDonalds if I could get that...I know the jobs are temporary, but I don't know how long they last...but at least it would be a little extra coming in....they say it's "to my benefit" to work as much as I can....I think I'd feel better about myself if I could get up and go to work....well, who knows....I might not even be in the running for the Census job(s). There are so many people out of work, especially in my area, it's hard to be optimistic....but I'll try!


perphila said...

Waking up in the middle of the night freaked about how your going to survive? Yeah. I know that feeling. Sometimes it's ok and sometimes it's harder to deal with. Just know that somehow it will all work out. Keep telling yourself that. You know you are doing the best you can. You have put in a lot of effort already into making the changes and moves to cope with this. It's all you can do. It is when things feel like they are out of your control that the panic sets in. You know in your head already about what you have done and the plans you have made. When you feel the fear creep in remind yourself of your efforts. Out loud if you have to. It helps. *hugs*

Elizabeth A. said...

I think you've still got a handle on things. Keep breathing.

My mom worked for the census for 2-3 months and she made over 3k. The more you work thing is true with that one. She said it was hard but felt well compensated.

DogAteMyFinances said...

My job was a living hell, and when I was laid off, the worst was the insomnia.

It's the worst market in my lifetime, for sure. You really have to pound the pavement, exactly when you are too depressed to reach out.

It sucks, I know, but unemployment is the worst by far.

Reighnie said...

Change is scary, especially when you didn't plan for it. I think you shouldn't be too worried about being worried. I would be more worried if you weren't worried about it, know what I mean? I think your reaction is natural and you're already on the move for something new.

I also think it's unfair that everything falls on your shoulders. My lil sister sounds very much like your Hubby (she is bipolar too). Sometimes I want to tell my mom to cut the strings and push her because she isn't going to try otherwise, illness or not. It's too easy for her to just go for the ride while my mom busts her buns.

I know times are tough, but maybe there's a plan for you and something better is coming your way. Believe me, as you can see from reading my blog, It's very hard for me to trust in that. But sometimes, I think just maybe, you know?

Things will work out.

Elizabeth A. said...

I agree with Reighnie about how things will work out. You probably knew that anyway though.

I don't necessarily agree about it being too easy for her sister though. I returned from my pdoc today with anooother med to add to the cocktail, another round of side effects, another round of mood swings and I am so, so thankful my husband is here to support me however he can/I need.

Miz Kizzle said...

Merry Christmas! I thought for a moment that the picture you posted was your house!
Working for the census would be ideal for you. As for your hubby, could he shovel out people's driveways with his snow plow? we pay the guy who does our (very long, wide driveway) $100 a pop. It's just a suggestion but it seems like handymen do very well in my area. Maybe that kind of work (and being self employed) would be less stressful for him than working for someone else.